How I've Been Dealing With OCD

I've been experiencing a very distressing subtype of OCD for quite a while. There have been nights where my intrusive thoughts and anxiety would skyrocket to levels that were extremely uncomfortable, and to say the least, absolutely terrifying. The OCD started attacking a very specific phobia I've had ever since I was a child, thereby increasing my distress levels exponentially. But with the help of free resources available online, I've made substantial progress in the last few months through ERP. I've reached a point where I think my OCD would be best described as a form of "Pure O". Things that helped me were as follows: 1. Learning to identify all types of compulsions. Compulsions can be of several different types. The ones I experienced included hiding objects that would trigger anxiety and cause distressing intrusive thoughts, isolating myself from loved ones, engaging in "checking compulsions", seeking reassurance by constantly researching about OCD online or by talking to AI every time I was distressed, etc. I've experienced mental compulsions too... and mental compulsions are often the hardest to recognize, but they're just as important to address. 2. Completely refusing to take part in performing absolutely ANY type of compulsion Whenever I experienced distressing intrusive thoughts, my OCD would scream at me, forcing me to take part in compulsions like the ones stated above. I decided to go cold-turkey. I let the adrenaline and the cortisol spike as much as they'd like, but I refused to engage with those thoughts, those "commands". My goal was to reach a state of "RADICAL BOREDOM" and "RADICAL NONENGAGEMENT". Refusing to take part in any compulsions was taking a step closer to my final goal of absolute desensitization. I wanted to rewire my neural pathways. I wanted my mind to know that the amygdala's constant screaming wasn't going to hijack my prefrontal cortex. One thing that helped me a lot through this journey was the realization that these thoughts were completely ego dystonic, and absolutely not a reflection of who I was as a person, in essence, what helped me was "externalizing" the thought and detaching it from my identity. 3. Whenever the thoughts popped up again, I completely stopped fighting with them, arguing with them, or trying to prove to myself that I would never do that. OCD demands absolute certainty. But that's impossible. We're not time travellers. And reality is the farthest thing from "certainty". When the distressing thoughts popped up, I let them play out, I let the distressing movie complete itself without trying to turn it off. This eventually desensitized me to those thoughts. I was practicing radical acceptance of whatever my mind threw at me. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't, maybe I like it, maybe I don't. I don't care. I am gonna continue cooking anyways." for example. Whenever the intrusive thought came up, instead of fighting it, or arguing with it, or doing anything to engage with it, I let it play out and scream as much as it liked. Doing this eventually desensitized me to distressing thoughts. They are still uncomfortable, but they have stopped causing me the severe anxiety and distress they used to. We need to teach ourselves that we are absolutely capable of tolerating distress, uncomfort, anxiety and most importantly, uncertainty. Do not confuse non-engagement with ignorance. Ignoring OCD-like symptoms is a mistake. That just makes your mind panic more, "If she's trying so hard to ignore this thought, that means it's something dangerous that needs immediate attention. Flood her mind with it." OCD is a real condition that happens to real people. Thank you for reading through.