ROCD is ruining my relationship (No reassurance)

Hi all :) I start therapy Monday, and I’m nervous but excited. I know I have a lot of thoughts and compulsions to work through, and I’ve done a lot of reflecting. I know it’ll be good for me. Something I’m really really struggling with is my ROCD and how to handle it with my partner. My partners ex had OCD as well, but more like Pure O and Perfectionist OCD. So when I exhibit other thought processes, (namely ROCD and Somatic OCD), at first he was really dismissive saying it wasn’t “really OCD”. We had a conversation about it and he’s been more receptive then. Onto the post though: I don’t know what to do when I’m having ROCD thoughts. It starts as a different compulsion usually, and I ask for reassurance (I know, but it’s so hard not to). And he usually get frustrated. Sometimes he gives me reassurance (which makes it worse). After a while, he begins to just stop talking. This usually triggers the “Are you mad at me? Am I being annoying? I’m annoying you.” On repeat. The last few times this has happened, he just gets frustrated and says “I don’t know how to help you, I’m going to bed”. This leads to a very hard time for me. I just don’t know what to do or how to navigate this. I tried to give him some ideas of how to help. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t” or “I’m not reassuring you but I’m here for you”. But he just doesn’t do them and instead gets frustrated, which I get why he does. I probably am frustrating. If you read this far, thank you.

love-foolosophy

Date posted: 20h

I feel the same way :/ I don’t know how to handle it when I’m calling with him. When I hide it from him I feel anxious and I feel like a liar, but when I seek reassurance we both end up feeling bad

missizzy

Date posted: 19h

@love-foolosophy This is how I feel too. It always feels like a trap, there’s no right answer and either we both feel bad, or I feel bad trapped in my head. Sorry you’re experiencing it too. I’m here if you ever need to vent, I understand

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I feel this I've had similar experiences 😅 also planning to start therapy soon, wishing you luck ☘️

missizzy

Date posted: 21h

@Anonymous sorry that you relate 🫠 we will get through it! good luck to you too!!

nomoreocd24

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey, I know that can be very frustrating and difficult. Sure, it’s not the responsibility of your partner to overcome OCD on your behalf. It requires effort on your part. But that said, I think it’s important, your partner is understanding that you have a disorder, which is okay btw. Nobody’s perfect. I’m sure it can be tiring for him, too. But at least, in my case, my gf has always been really supportive and encouraging. So no shade to your boyfriend at all. He might just be having a hard time trying wrap his mind around things. Fair enough. But maybe communicate what you need from him. And if he’s not respectful of that, or willing to understand, then go from there.

missizzy

Date posted: 21h

@nomoreocd24 I appreciate your response!! I think it’s hard because of his stigma with OCD itself. When I first mentioned therapy, he wasn’t very supportive (he is now, just some of his own insecurities). I have to work on communicating more, it’s hard when the intrusive thoughts are very severe/compulsions. I bet it is tiring for him. I’m glad your partner has always been supportive! Yeah I get that he’s probably having a hard time. It’s just hard for me to help him when I’m in a crisis too. Something we both just need more practice with. Hoping therapy teaches me more strategies that could end up helping us both. Thank you :) wishing you the best

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