Self-forgiveness after a relapse?

I had a relapse in a bad habit that actively feeds my ocd. This was because it's not just my ocd at play, I think I'm also going through a sort of withdrawal with that habit, and cutting myself off from the people related to it makes me feel isolated and alone. The point being, I ended up pushing the limits of what my triggers were and had a relapsed yesterday afternoon. I feel terrible and scared that it might happen again in the future since I partially sought out the anxiety beforehand. I'm holding myself accountable and trying to get better, but it's really hard when the habit I'm trying to drop and the ocd are double teaming me. Anybody got any advice or just general words of relatability?

Nat_44

Date posted: 26d

Coming from someone who had bad habits too I eventually just turned to religion sometimes your too hard on your self and trying to punish your self for a loop that might keep happening it's a good thing that you went on here to share your struggles but also haveing friends that you can just forget your habits with is a good thing you need someone to distract you almost because once your alone it gets worse and I'm slowly starting to realize that you got this it takes time and maybe a long time but you'll get there 😁💖

Kam-talope

Date posted: 26d

@Nat_44 I appreciate the kind words. Religion, or at least specific religions, might not be for me, but a new sense of community would definitely help. I just hope I get to a point where I never want to relapse again, especially when I examine my emotions on the whole thing.

salemexistss

Date posted: 19h

hey i just recently had the same experience. exactly the same experience. im feeling really distressed and the intrusive thoughts have been so bad lately. and they feel so much more real bc of the sexual behavior. its by no means illegal just weird… ive been doubting myself and testing myself. its terrible. would you want to talk maybe?

Kam-talope

Date posted: 18h

@salemexistss Of course. I had another couple relapses in the past month, although they were much less intense, and I will say that they do get more manageable overtime. As long as you don't plan to have them. The intrusive thoughts really do get less and less intense overtime if you just kinda sit with them. It's not a fun experience and takes a decent amount of time, but it does get easier to bear. It gets easier to forgive and trust yourself. For now, let those feelings wash over you without giving into them. It can be hard, but it'll help you in the long run.

salemexistss

Date posted: 17h

@Kam-talope thank you, do you mind sharing what your behavior is or just confirming if its similar to mine. i specifically would seek out 18 year olds… and at first its bc i genuinely didnt see any issue with it. but this relapse came after months of distancing myself from that behavior, and even thinking my attraction to that age and niche was gone. and its brought on urges that i havent had since march towards engaging with that type of content. and its been super distressing. and i posted about this on reddit originally and a lot of people responded rlly negatively, and since then ive been having intrusive thoughts, and its making it feel so much more real than it normally would. and im opening up to facilities not even super detailed and i keep getting turned away.

Kam-talope

Date posted: 14h

@salemexistss Mine has been falling back onto an unethical porn addiction every so often. It can feel especially shameful since I only fully gave up the behavior a few months ago, before which I was willingly engaging in the stuff. Now I realize it was me being hooked on the anxiety/pleasure that comes with the behaviors paired with the communal peer pressure of staying in that space. I think for you, it could be the hooks coming back, desperately clinging onto a new trigger. The best option is to not engage. Do not give those feelings anything to work off of, try not to linger on them.

salemexistss

Date posted: 12h

@Kam-talope thank you. would you maybe want to be friends outside the app ive been feeling really lonely and u seem to be in a similar-ish boat

Kam-talope

Date posted: 12h

@salemexistss Sure, but i hear nocd doesn't like other apps and makes it hard to share stuff

salemexistss

Date posted: 12h

@Kam-talope my disc is the same as my user if u have that !!

Kam-talope

Date posted: 12h

@salemexistss I don't have instagram. I do have discord though.

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