- Date posted
- Yesterday
Read if u dareš
*Long Post* hello, Iām just looking to get some advice maybe some kind words and some motivating messages I have been really going through it the last two weeks. Iāve already been through all this before and been through therapy but now it seems to be coming back. Iām guessing because Iām in the process of moving right now and Iām just a bit extra stressed. The past two weeks I have been experiencing really bad panic attacks and or agoraphobia if I leave more than 10 minutes from my apartment. If I do go 10 minutes away from the apartment I have a hard time staying at the location whereas I try to rush back home. I have been diagnosed with OCD. I have all types of OCD this one particularly that is bothering me is I have a fear that I am going to go into psychosis if I get too far away from the house where Iām going to lose my mind and I feel like Iām gonna forget everything and Iām gonna lose my memories and then Iām gonna lose who I am. I have this fear that if I get too far away from the house, then I will lose the memory of getting back home and how to get back home. I also have a fear that if Iām around people and Iām panicking like this I fear that if Iām panicking and Iām at least 10 minutes away from home and Iām in public I fear that people are going to trigger something in me to where I go into psychosis and I donāt remember myself and I donāt know how to get home. I fear that if Iām around people in public, they will catch on to how Iām feeling and send me a way to a mental institution. I have to go 10 minutes away to the doctor tomorrow because of my carpal tunnel and Iām dreading the entire day all night. Iāve just been thinking about the fear of going and what might happen if Iām in a room with the doctors and I fear that I will go insane and will not be able to get myself home. I have these thoughts that what if I have to to run back to the car and leave in the middle of my appointment. I also after that I have to go to my parents house who lived 20 minutes away and the last two times that I drove there I was driving recklessly because I was so panicking. Iām usually fine when I get to my parents house but I have a fear that if I drive there, what if I black out and I donāt remember anything. I do not do any drugs. I do not smoke or drink. Iām not sure what brought this on because Iāve already been through therapy for all of this, but it just seems like itās just gotten worse and harder this time Iām going to have to push myself to go out because my carpal tunnel is making my fingers numb so I know that my health is priority but this anxiety is crippling. I take 125 mg of luvox every day and I see my psychiatrist on 1 August so Iām gonna see if she can update my dose and see if that helps this is kind of the same fear but another fear that I have is what if I get so stressed in public and I completely go into psychosis because I am so stressed and what if the stress brings this on like I fear that what if it gets too much and psychosis hits me while Iām in public and I canāt drive home Another core fear that I have is I have this irrational thought that everybody around me is not real and I am the only real person and I have this thought in my head that this whole life is just a fake scenario in my head. I feel like what if this world is not real and itās just all made up in my head or I fear that Iām the only real person and the other people are like paid actors. I know this thought is irrational and when I start to do compulsions which are mental compulsions for me I tell myself thereās no way that thatās true. I tell myself people are living their own life as well but I think that makes it worse when I tell myself. So I also have this thought that everybody in this world is me but just different versions and I know this is irrational like everybody is in their own person and I can tell myself that all day but then itās just the anxiety will not let it go.