I can't stand having an obsessive mind. I've lived like this my whole life—childhood included—and I don't think I even know what it means not to be obsessively questioning something in my head. I'm ALWAYS on high alert. At this point, the subtype or theme doesn't even matter anymore, because it latches onto anything and everything in my day-to-day life. I'm EXHAUSTED and stuck inside my own brain.
You can stand having an obsessive mind. You have managed to do it up until now, and you could probably continue to do it. You can always try to keep moving forward, even when you are greatly suffering. The first step to recovering from OCD is accepting that you are going to suffer in the future. You don't have to like the suffering, but you can bear it even if it makes your life miserable everyday. But you can still do your best to resist compulsions and accept uncertainty. When your brain starts questioning things, don't try to figure that out or solve it or get rid of it. You don't need to answer all of the questions your brain thinks of. Some of the questions have no definite answer, and you can accept that.
@Kevin V Thank you so much for answering! I really believe all that you said, and I know there are better and worse moments, it’s just pretty exhausting going through the same thing over and over :/ But the way you started your response really made me see it in a different perspective. I can stand cause i’ve always done it. Makes me kinda proud when putting it that way. Thank you :)
I think there is definitely value in what @Kevin V shared. Acceptance of reality can be empowering because it allows you to accept whatever may be and not let it determine how you live. But, you don’t know whether or not you will suffer like this for the rest of your life. You don’t know where you’ll be in 6 months or 2 years from now. But, if you want to end up somewhere different, you need to start taking small steps in the direction you want to go. So, if you want to be someone who can be confident and decisive, then you take small steps to make a decision and allow it to stand. For example, if you overthink what to say in text messages, maybe you tell yourself “I’m going to type a message, read it over ONCE and send it”. No more editing, no more questioning after sending and unsending. Just make a small decision and allow it to stand and gently redirect your attention to the life in front of you. Maybe go get a glass of water and a snack. Maybe you talk with someone. The key is to take a small step toward the life you want, and then let the anxiety be there and not let it have power to influence what you do next. So, instead of compulsively analyzing, you CHOOSE to leave it. And when your mind pulls you to analyze, you continually bring your attention back to what you’re doing. Over and over if you have to. Because you’re not going to let OCD/anxiety have power over what you do. You can choose.
@Andrew H That is very nice of you to say! Honestly, even though i’ve dealt with Pure O all my life, I do know there were better moments. And if I think about why they were better, it’s pretty much because I’ve decided to take small steps like that. It makes the process easier when we see small things we can change instead of trying to change everything all at once. Trying to be more patient with myself. Thank you!
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