How to make progress?

Needing support Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read this. I will try to be as short as possible. Background Male, 24 years old, single. Diagnosed with OCD twice around 1.5 years ago. Tried: 5 different antidepressants. 3 psychiatrists. 3 therapists. 70+ therapy sessions. Read many books about OCD, depression, and self-help. Watched hundreds of videos. Had around 200,000 (yes) messages with AI trying to find the "answer". I love: Math, Numbers, Coding, Riddles, Chess I'm analytical, and my brain is constantly solving everything. I feel understood mainly by my therapist. My days are dominated by obsessive thoughts and "magical rules" about random things, especially things I value. My brain constantly tries to: Find hidden rules. Find the perfect explanation. Remove uncertainty. Discover the "correct answer." This leaves me mentally exhausted. How it affects my life I experience: Deep depressive episodes, especially on weekends. Sleeping 14+ hours during crashes. Nightmares. Brain fog. Feeling disconnected from reality. Loss of purpose. Hopelessness. Confusion. I feel sinking in quicksand in a desert with nowhere to go. Sometimes my body literally freezes: I can sit or lie down for hours "solving" stuff. I can spend 12+ hours/day researching, Googling, or asking AI questions. I feel unable to move forward until a thought is solved. I already maintain many healthy habits: Exercise regularly. Eat balanced meals. Do not smoke or drink. Sleep 8+ hours. Get sunlight. No known illnesses or vitamin deficiencies. Examples of obsessive "rules": "What is the correct way to study?" "What type of learner am I?" "What is the proper career path?" "What percentage of time should I read vs practice?" "I cannot train or read until I fix my skin imperfection." "I did something bad. Am I a sinner?" "What percentage of my life needs to be good or bad to determine if I deserve heaven?" "I see eye floaters when moving my eyes - How could I have prevented this? Is it my fault? If I don't find the cause or someone responsible, life is not acceptable." "If there are people outside, why am I inside?" "If there are people inside, why am I outside?" "If a pharmacy has 10,000 products, why do I need exactly this one?" "Why should I leave the hospital if there are many departments? If I leave, people will still suffer while I rest at home. How is that possible?" These are only a tiny fraction of the thoughts. Things I already know but cannot apply I have heard thousands of times: "Do ERP." "Take action despite thoughts." "Do not solve the thoughts." "Delay / Do not do compulsions." "Create a hierarchy." "Set specific goals." "You are thinking too much." "The thoughts are irrational." "You are thinking black and white." I understand these concepts intellectually. The problem is not knowing what to do. The main problem When I try to ignore thoughts and continue life: The thoughts do not disappear. They accumulate in the background. My brain creates the feeling that I forgot something important → Crash incoming. When I create small steps or exposure plans: My OCD recognises the plan. It analyses the plan. It creates new rules around the plan. Even the treatment itself becomes something to solve perfectly. I understand that OCD requires accepting uncertainty. But my current problem is: How to make progress? How do I actually live with uncertainty when my brain creates unbearable pressure, exhaustion, and freezes whenever I try not to solve things? I can't manage to be okay with not being okay.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

I get you, I was only diagnosed in October but I had it for over half my life before getting a diagnosis, and I also did talk therapy before which made it all worse. Doing ERP is for me a lot of unlearning what previous therapists tried to teach me. I'm still struggling a lot and experience that paralysis you do, but here are a couple of things that have helped me some, so I hope maybe it could for you too. First, radical acceptance of thoughts and also humorous hyperbolic responses. Trying to ignore the thought doesn't work because your brain will focus on it more knowing you don't want it to. It's a really tough mental muscle to exercise, but when I can I respond to my thoughts with either straight up acceptance, like "Yes, I'm studying wrong. Cool. Gonna keep doing it anyway" or my favorite is hyperbolic responses. Like, "Yeah, I actually was planning on going insane and freaking my roommate out with a panic attack. I just thought it would make our day more exciting." Be as silly and ridiculous as possible. If you're struggling with obsessing over a certain scenario, my therapist makes me make a loop tape of the worst case scenario and I listen to it over and over again. It satisfies OCD's urge to obsess but the goal is to hear it so many times it eventually ceases to bother you. OCD is like living with an annoying additional personality in your brain, and the goal should be to annoy them and be as petty as possible. If it says you're doing it all wrong, embrace it. If it says you're going insane and about to panic, invite yourself to panic and see what happens. Make it a game. Also, I've tried more meds than I can count and unfortunately sometimes it does take like 10 tries to find one that works. It sucks, but for me my brain without that help is unbearable. I hope things get better for you

joyfilled

Date posted: 10h

My OCD is similar to this with the questions. Didn’t fully realize that was OCD. With the dinner and heaven thing: we all are sinners and faith in Jesus is the only way to be saved. We can’t do enough good stuff to go to heaven. He has been my refuge in mental health problems

Kim27

Date posted: 10h

I have suffered with ocd for 35 years or more. I was recently diagnosed with OCD past 6 months. Before I thought I had anxiety disorder. The past year was hell for me. Fear of dying and very depressed. I have taken many different medications over the years. I was misdiagnosed as psychotic, given antipsychotic drugs and went to psych ward in the 90s. All this to say I took prozac for several years and it worked until it didn't anymore. This past year I tried many different meds and fired my psychiatrist of 15 years who said this is maybe as good as it gets. I found a new psychiatrist who is phenomenal. I take 100 mg daily of Sertraline and 100mg daily of Desvenlafaxine. ERP therapy does work but the right medicine is really important too. I never attended therapy before because therapists were just doing talk therapy. I have a fantastic erp therapist on nocd. I'm doing so much better. Ocd is highly treatable. You do have to find the right psychiatrist, right medicine and the right ocd therapist. Don't give up. It will get better. There were definitely times over this past year that I thought I will never get better. I'm also a Christian and Jesus loves you. If you put your faith in Him you will be in heaven. However when my ocd was bad I was questioning everything is heaven real? Is God real? Keep pushing forward until you get the help you need

Kim27

Date posted: 10h

Also I got genetic testing to see how my brain metabolizes medication. Currently there isn't a gene that ocd is connected to but it is genetic. TMS helps some people

Samwise6

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7h

My advice: use response prevention tips. I have a lot of those and they have helped me a lot. My favorites are “No amount of analysis will be enough” and “I am stronger than I think”. Other ones you can use are “maybe, maybe not”, “I’ll never know”, and “Discomfort does not equal danger”.

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