POCD

Every time I see someone young (a t33n) on social media, whether I look for the age, or they look really young, or I know they’re a t33n due to how young they look, my brain gets all these urges to LOOK LOOK LOOK at the pictures on social media … At some point, my ERP was to actually look at a picture of my cousin (who is a 17) and it scared the absolute shit out of me .. My ERP also included of looking at pictures of t33ns on Instagram and sitting with the discomfort for 3-5 minutes .. FUCK THAT .. hardest thing I’ve done But my mistake was compulsing and looking at pictures to the point where I did it too much and that compulsion itself turned into a “procedural habit” and it feels like I fucked up my consciousness/subconscious into looking at the pictures on my “for you page” on Instagram I feel so utterly defeated .. I've been reading other posts on the NOCD app and on Reddit .. and some people say that when they see kids/t33ns, they look away when they have POCD, it's the complete opposite for me it seems like, it seems like I constantly look at them and constantly check. From June of 2026 to the first week of this month (August of 2026), I would constantly look at them, constantly check if I'm turned on by these thoughts, experiencing terrible groinal responses, incest intrusive thoughts, and even sexual intrusive thoughts/scenarios Now it seems like I fucked up my brain :/ .. now, it seems like I constantly look at them just out of “its POCD nature” or SOMETHING .. I don’t understand .. I will come across a t33n on Instagram and I get this tingle or something .. idk .. to just tap on the picture and glare at them and then leave. I can easily tell now when they’re not of age but still .. the same shit happens Like when I see women my age (22-26 yrs old), it’s natural for me to tap on it because I just know they’re around my age. Like I don’t doubt it, nothing, and I sense a profound sense of attraction. Sometimes .. I don’t feel attraction .. and that makes me paranoid. But now, it’s like coming across a t33n on Instagram, it’s like some “stupid subconscious urge to naturally” tap on the post to see it ?? That’s the best way for me to describe it. I hope that makes sense. Back then, it was the same thing but it was to check any body sensation or thoughts. Now it seems like it’s done out of “habit” ????? I don’t fucking know dude .. wtf is going on I feel like I have to scroll back up to look at it. Sometimes i do it without thinking, but mainly its to check how i feel about it i think. What should i do about this? Is it a compulsion? The worst part is before I do this I feel I have to look further in to see if there is more which then crates algorithms suggesting I enjoy it. Before I know it, it's everywhere! I can't tell if I'm just checking or if I want to look at it and it's just shame and guilt about being in denial. I feel like I can't escape. I just wish I could turn it all off. I don’t want it. I don’t desire it. Did I mess up my brain? What’s wrong? Did I unknowingly fuck up my consciousness?? I’m completely lost in this maze of POCD .. I hate this