I need to stop praying...

I keep asking that everything be ethical & God fails to answer, leading to ne spiralling. So I've drawn the conclusion He doesn't exist. I'm not asking for big things. Not money, not a partner, not all the big ticket items...I'm prepared to suffer on that front. Just small requirements of ethics. Zero answer. My 24 hr spiral. So? He can't exist...but I'll continue the Bayesian study for certainty & science. One simple prayer. One! Morality. Anyone who challenges me, the pastor, my parents (esp dad), my sister etc. It's simple, tell Him to answer the prayer. It's easier test than Gideon's fleece experiment. It just requires God to exist & God to care...

🧚🏼‍♀️💫🥸

Date posted: Yesterday

Can i ask what you mean by you asking for everything to be ethical?

bokang

Date posted: Yesterday

My moral ocd just requires everything I do to be above board to an extent that others find annoying. I don't like misleading people lying, taking things that aren't yours. For example we're cleaning up a storeroom someone says "ooh I found camp chairs I can see it has James James name on it but I'm going to take it anyway" so now I am in an ethical bind & feel morally like I'm supposed to do something. My erp therapist said mind your business. It's a compulsion. I ignored my therapist & notified HR that James James stuff is in the storeroom come fetch it. If James decides he doesn't want it that's different but you can't just take it. I know that makes me unpopular and hated and as a people pleaser that hurts. But I needed to prevent the theft. The stomach aches I now feel going around the storeroom etc is stressing me out until HR picks up James stuff to notify him since he has left the company. So what I'm praying for is please stop putting me in a bind like that if I pray & instruct people to do 123 that is ethical can they just do that. Why is it always an emotional situation everyday. I just want a day, a week or a month off. God isn't answering. In an ideal world I work remotely zero interaction with human beings

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@bokang The thoughts won’t get better until the compulsion has less of a hold on you. I’m assuming you’re Christian because you said pastor, but forgive me if I’m wrong. Remember Jesus focused on helping those in front of him, not turning them in for sins. He welcomed sinful people and did not fault them. I agree with your therapist. It is not your job to be on guard against sin. That lies with God. If you want your thoughts to get easier, you have to resist compulsions. For the testing thing, it makes me think of Jesus in the desert where the devil asks him to throw himself down to see if God will save him and Jesus says “You shall not tempt the Lord your God.” I hope you find some respite and peace.

bokang

Date posted: 12h

@Anonymous I’m a little confused by what you mean by “it’s not your job to be on guard against sin.” Do you mean I should simply look away when I notice something that seems wrong? Isn't that being a bad person? Isn't that being a bad Christian? That is genuinely how I currently understand my moral responsibility, although I appreciate that may not be a popular view. That’s also why I notified HR. In this particular situation, I’m helping coordinate the storeroom packing, so preventing theft or ensuring that company/personal property is handled appropriately seemed like it might be part of my actual work responsibility. I didn't rat them out I just asked HR to collect James items & contact James. I also genuinely struggle to understand why people are willing to take things that aren’t theirs. My therapist has suggested exposures involving deliberately taking something small, such as hotel shampoo or soap but I’m not comfortable doing an exposure that I personally understand as intentionally breaking a commandment. What I have agreed to work on is tolerating the grey areas without investigating or trying to police everyone. For example, if someone takes home a low-value stationery item that was otherwise going into a donations box, I’m trying to tolerate the uncertainty around that rather than launching an investigation or working out exactly whether it was right or wrong. That feels very different to me from a clearly serious situation, such as someone taking a laptop.

LadyAmesG

Date posted: 21h

I pray daily I pray for my family and friends when I’m on my way to work and I pray at night and I talk to God all day some days I do get caught in the trap that I feel like if I don’t pray something horrible is gonna happen and I try at least say a short prayer. Nothing horrible ever happens. God will do what God wants to do at his time not when you tell him or your pastor tells him your father tells him or anybody else …praying gives me peace. Nobody can take that peace away from me if I pray for one minute, I pray for 24 hours I get the same peace’s so you need to sit down and just think hey does it bring me Peace and if it doesn’t, then you need to think about it. The whole problem with this OCD thing is we have to try to stay in control and I know 115%. It is not easy. I fight it every day on several different areas of my life but as long as we keep trying, we are in control. My personal opinion is I don’t see how stop praying would help anything. God‘s not gonna jump all the clouds and answer your prayers and say yes this is what you need or this is not what you need, You need to do it yourself you need to get out there. God will give you the strength you need to look. You need to talk to people you need to find the answers. God does not drop the answers in your lap. I don’t care who says what.. God will give you the strength and ability clear your path, but you have to go out there and do it. I shall pray for you

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