It’s so hard to keep going sometimes. (Vent post)

*positive comments are welcomed. I feel so defeated and it would be nice to hear some comforting words. Not reassurance but positive words. I haven’t heard anything positive in a long time. I just started school after being on break and am pretty much solo parenting my 3 kids with their school schedules along with them being sick. In the midst of this all, I can’t stop spiraling. My thoughts race so fast sometimes that I get tunnel vision. I feel like I’m never going to get better and that I won’t be able to finish my program. I’m halfway there but this summer was the absolute worst ocd flare up I ever had. Like to the point where I can’t think straight for days or sleep/eat. Idk why it’s gotten so bad but maybe because I have a lot on my plate? My thoughts are distorted and sometimes don’t make sense but when I’m spiraling I feel like I’m believing them. I’m so sad because it feels like this is how I’m going to be for the rest of my life. It’s like everytime I find a “solution” to help with my ocd, I purposesly check to make sure that it’s safe for me to do this exercise and I forcefully make myself think it’s not and that I need to worry. Why is ocd like this?

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I may not be able to relate to much in your post (not a parent, haven’t even started college yet), but I very much relate to thinking things will be bad for the rest of my life. I promise you, things do get better. I did 7 weeks of transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) for depression, and the difference was night and day. TMS can treat OCD as well, and is prescribed for treatment-resistant disorders because it can help when nothing else will. I’m not a doctor, and I’m not your doctor, but I would ask about it if it just feels like things aren’t working. It literally allowed me to take back control over my life. 7 weeks may seem long, but in the grand scheme of things, it is *so* worth it. And TMS is so super safe too, in case you were worried about that—the worst possible side effect, which happens in less than 0.001% of the population, is a seizure, and if it happens, you’re already in a building full of medical professionals who know exactly how to handle it! Anyway, I thought I would be depressed for the rest of my life, and now I’m only struggling with a BFRB, rather than a BFRB plus depression. And TMS is literally approved for OCD too, and they had a special OCD-specific helmet at the clinic I went to, as well. I wish you the absolute best of luck, and I’d like you to remember that you don’t have to handle things alone.

Spark25

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Thank you for taking the time to talk about your experience with TMS. I’ve always considered it but never went through with it because of the risks.. my ocd always makes me question everything I do and then I freak myself out. But at this point, I’m not opposed to trying it. I’m still on the fence for medication but I’m strongly considering it given how severe my ocd is right now but I would much rather use another alternative if I can. I’ve read that TMS shows a lot of promise. Is it covered by insurance do you know?

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

@Spark25 My insurance covered my TMS, but I don’t know about all insurances. Part of the reason I love TMS so much is that once you’re done, you don’t have to keep doing it unless things get bad again, which for some people takes years, and for others, never happens.

shayshaygoes...

Date posted: Yesterday

you’re going through so much but it just proves to show how truly strong you are <3 it is exhausting living with our brains but as long as we keep trying we will get better and figure it out. it seems like it will never end but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, push on through!

Spark25

Date posted: Yesterday

@shayshaygoesmeowmeow Thank you for taking the time to write this out for me. It really means a lot. I just need to remember that I am capable of hard things and sometimes life gets a little heavy but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be forever.

shayshaygoes...

Date posted: 9h

@Spark25 any time! i think one of the hardest things with OCD is genuinely how lonely it makes me feel, i feel like im always burdening others or too much. OCD is the doubting disease and a part of that is still doubting how capable, strong, and beautiful we are. we got this!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond