POCD .. mental farewell

Hi all, I've been suffering from OCD for a couple of years now (3 years to be exact). I've been in and out of therapy since I was 15. I had therapy with NOCD back in 2023 for POCD and once again for about a month during the summer. I had to stop therapy due to my work schedule. However, recently I've been obsessing about a new theme which has been really bothering me since June of 2026 (for nearly 4 months now). So essentially, I'm a 23 year old straight man (I turn 24 on Sunday), and I've been bothered by the fact of having these serious false attractions (or what I believe it is false attraction) and groinal/false arousal (I hope it’s false) towards 16/17 year old t33ns. A question that pops up in my head is: Can POCD attach your real desires to children? I seem to get impulses of attraction which cause me to go in panic mode. Does anyone else have this? This is disturbing to even type but it somehow feels like I messed up my brain. It feels like I fell into this “conscious realisation” that I SOMEHOW find teenagers who are 16/17 years old “more attractive” than those my age. Not sure if this matters but I also became hyper-sexualized since 10/11 years old, when I began watching p0rn and consumed lots of content. I still watch p0rn today but not as much but I feel like it makes things worse. I did something really dumb over the summer .. and this is where my OCD comes in - In recent weeks, it's really latched onto this and other things and made me feel like a monster, pervert etc. I've been finding it really hard not to give into compulsions like ruminating, looking at t33ns online, testing for groinal response or researching the morality of being attracted to a teenager (out of pure compulsion). The worst feeling is when I feel a groinal .. like a false groinal arousal by a 16/17 year old - I mean, what am I supposed to do then? It's like somehow .. and some way .. it is really difficult for me to control how I feel??? Like in the heat of the moment it feels like “I desire it”, but immediately afterwards a wave of anxiety hits and I feel really disgusted with myself .. In addition, my OCD has been making me question whether I'm also attracted to younger teenagers (e.g. around 13/14 years of age). I used to be certain that this was not the case, but I've been thinking about this so much that in recent days I've began doubting myself - even though deep down I'm pretty sure I'm not attracted to kids, I feel so much anxiety when I think about this and part of me isn't sure anymore. I've also been experiencing more groinal responses which have made things worse. So yeah, I really want this BS to end. I want to go back to what I was like las year, when I wasn't worrying about any of this and was much happier. I'm really worried that if I go back into therapy once my schedule clears up, they might think that I really am a sicko monster. What do you guys think? Yeah .. thanks for reading my post ..