My brain is highjacked by what ifs/ worst case

My brain is highjacked by what ifs and worst case scenario. Yesterday I didn't get any sleep , I went to bed at 10pm and woke up 1am . I couldn't go back to sleep because my heart was racing. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of "what of " thinking I led my male friend on ? Even tho I spoke about my husband to him in positive way and he didn't say anything ( I believe was too much ) I feel that everything was encouraging and uplifting. The same thing I was would say to a friend or conversation with anyone. I always want people to feel like they can be themselves around me. But I also feel guilty because thoughts would run through my mind of what if we dated how would that be ? Theses thoughts was just floated in and out of my mind through out the months before I felt this way. ( Ruminating and re checking) Just thoughts and they didn't bother me Sometimes I would laugh at them. But I also was thinking about my life since I'm in 40s of what I want my life to be and thinking if I made the right choices in life. But we all sometime think about things like that from time to time. Sometimes we think about the car we're driving. Like how would it be to drive a Mercedes ? But than you realized that you very happy with your car. And then Boom 💥 It was like some flipped the switch on me . Like someone went in my brain and turned on the ruminating machine and hook my body up the cortisol. Now all the thoughts that was passing by are hitting me like a ton of bricks 🧱 And what ifs and scenarios Examples What if he was faking being friends to see if he could get me ? What if I said something and that was just uplifting and encouraging and he thinks more of it ? And when put theses thoughts to rest , more just keep popping up I don't have many male friends and I thought if I was transparent about being in a relationship that would a clear sign that I was unavailable. Also, I have scanned our messages seeing if anything was said wrong . I have scanned them so much I have them memorized. My logic brain will say " Just stop talking to him , if he message you just keep it short and if he say anything inappropriate put a firm boundary down. My anxious brain 🧠 If you do that then he will retaliate tell all his friends and blast you the internet and that would ruin your marriage. It's like I'm fighting with 2-3 people in my head I have talked to my therapist about this I have cried to my friends about this Cried my eyes out because I feel a shame that had put myself in this situation. I feel so embarrassed , shame , and guilty because I had those thoughts. I get reassurance from my friends but it's like my brain have amnesia. It's forget everything I just heard. I was so confident with myself for the past year overcoming so many hardship. Family drama Finding higher paying job Speaking up for myself Taking control of my life 🤗 I was so happy and proud of myself. And now I feel horrible. Sleep is messed up. I don't do any of my hobbies anymore. And the pressure of my family always telling me that I'm the only one that made it out and doing so good with my life. That pressure hold on to me as well. I have been trying to catch myself from going into a shame spiral. The last time this happened when I was fill of intrusive thoughts i fell into depression. I loss so much weight , heart was racing , and mind just full of fear. This time I'm fighting for myself I'm pushing myself to carry on with my day. I still go to work, if I'm overwhelmed I talk my friends, spend time with my husband, and I force myself to go to the gym.