Support during ongoing diagnosis and new SSRI

I can so relate to your story. I was not diagnosed with OCD until many years after completing graduate school — but, I can look back now at my obsessions regarding perfectionism, false memories, low self-esteem, and feelings of being an imposter, and see them all a the OCD symptoms that they already were. Unfortunately, these things drove me to serious problems with alcohol — I hope you avoid such traps! It was for me a long and very dark path. In hindsight, I would encourage you to think less about what may be “wrong” with you and more time celebrating what is “right.” It is not our fault, we are not to blame, for having OCD — however, it is 100% our responsibility to work towards having the best possible life living with it. You deserve the grace and self-compassion it will take to get there. Sometimes, we can be too smart, overthinking everything, to actually get the simple things we can do to live well with OCD. Since our thinking is often the issue, it’s perhaps best that we approach this work from our hearts. Hope this all helps in some small way! Best wishes!

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I know it can be a scary process when trying to figure everything out. Especially when medication is involved. I am 36 now, and when I was 26, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve also carried a depression diagnosis since I was a teenager. I went through an extreme trial era of trying different meds. I’ve had some be effective and others to have had some intense reactions. My first suggestion would be to ask the psychiatrist office if they can do a GeneSight test. This will provide a genetic profile of what would potentially cause negative side effects. I wish I would’ve known about this test at the start of my treatment. Also advocate and verbalize hesitancies that you have when starting new meds. You are ultimately in control of what you take. They can merely suggest and advise what they think would be effective. You should track your symptoms and allow yourself time to see if they are effective. You can research the amount of time it normally takes to start working, but it varies per person. Also, medication is merely an aid to treatment. It is not the solution or cure. If you have that mindset it helps with acceptance. I was diagnosed with autism level 1 back in June. That disproved the bipolar diagnosis that I’ve carried for a good portion of my life. I’ve now started treatment through NOCD to help with rumination and habitual behaviors. It was affirming to get that autism diagnosis, but I also went through a grieving process of carrying the wrong diagnosis for so many years. It took me roughly six months to get in to be evaluated. I obsessed over that upcoming appointment practically the whole time. Try to put some distance there in your mind. You’ll have answers when it’s time. I know this can be a lot to process while still navigating the world and going to school on top of that. You’re doing the right thing by seeking treatment and asking questions. You’re definitely not alone in this. I wish you the best in your treatment and hope this helped provide some perspective from a fellow struggling neurodivergent!