Has anyone with hocd gotten to a point where they cant even say they are straight anymore? This is super triggering for me as Ive seen a lot of people saying that they know their straight. Like I feel like a liar when I say im straight. I know I dont want to be with a girl or anything but what if I do? What if that is what my future holds?

That is identical to what's going through my head now

@LeeDavies07 I hate it

Same and just scared of what people will think

@JS0406 Same yet I’m telling all my family and friends that I’m afraid I might be G (I hate even saying word gay) so it’s like they don’t seem to care but I do! I don’t want to be G

@Dee313 Yeah I haven’t told anyone, it’s hard because all that’s in my autocorrect is the g word

@JS0406 You mean you’ve only told telling people here about your HOCD? Not your family or friends?

@Dee313 Yeah

I considered killing myself yesterday.

How do you deal with it if it makes you anxious around the same sex or even look them in the eye as well as the crippling anxiety when you are to someone who is actually gay.

Nope but then I tell myself Ik straight and then it feels like I’m lying to myself.

@advice? Yeah same. I feel like I'm forcing my HOCD, anxiety and my attraction to boys

What do you mean subtly? I'm talking about hocd. Being scared that I'm attracted sexually to women, not actually being sexually attracted to them.

@LinaD10 But don’t forget the HOCD could be making him think he is subtly attracted to same sex, ex. Groinal response

I understand what you're saying, was just confused by what he meant.

@LinaD10 Apologies for the confusion. I wasn't aware of the different strands of OCD at the time and as a checker, I experience intrusive thoughts. When I was sleeping over at a guy friend's house, I started petting his hair in affection, but I am usually attracted to women (heterosexual male). Intrusive thoughts with this friend haven't occured just once, either.

@NarrowNoise I mean look, did you pet his hair to be funny or did you pet his hair bc you felt an attraction to him? Either one is fine but hey maybe you had a moment of attraction, doesn’t make you G, but if you enjoyed it and it didn’t cause you anxiety then that’s different story

@Dee313 More so because of the attraction. I don't feel anxious about being gay, but it upsets me that this is an intrusive thought, one that I didn't fully consider, like my mind and body is on autopilot and I'm in the passenger seat.

@NarrowNoise So like you’re having the opposite feeling you mean? Meaning you enjoyed the attraction and don’t want to think negatively of petting him?

@Dee313 I can't say for sure whether I enjoyed it or not, and I don't think negatively of petting him (I'm coming off as neutral). However, I feel even more uncertain with my sexual orientation, and that's what bugs me the most.

@NarrowNoise What do I think would give you peace!

@Dee313 Sorry, I'm a little confused with your response.

@NarrowNoise Sorry meant to say what do u think would give your mind peace?

@Dee313 Hmm... Probably being more certain about things and myself.

@NarrowNoise They say with OCD you’ll never have 100% certainty but if you don’t feel anxious about being Gay then I wouldn’t say you have HOCD bc that’s the primal fear for people with HOCD