- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m straight but Im going to stop labelling myself just now, because I know it just makes me more anxious, I do not want to be with a guy but I feel like I’m lying and I keep thinking but what if I end up with a guy
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That is identical to what's going through my head now
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@LeeDavies07 I hate it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel like I am closeted
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Same and just scared of what people will think
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@JS0406 Same yet I’m telling all my family and friends that I’m afraid I might be G (I hate even saying word gay) so it’s like they don’t seem to care but I do! I don’t want to be G
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Dee313 Yeah I haven’t told anyone, it’s hard because all that’s in my autocorrect is the g word
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@JS0406 You mean you’ve only told telling people here about your HOCD? Not your family or friends?
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- 5y ago
@Dee313 Yeah
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It’s interesting, I wonder how many people out there have committed suicide who thought they were G but in reality had HOCD?
- Date posted
- 45w ago
I considered killing myself yesterday.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
What worked for me was accepting the uncertainty. I’m literally just like “maybe that’s true and maybe it’s not” but I’m just going to go about living my life. Of course it takes practice. Don’t give it to much importance ( I know that’s super hard bc it makes you feel like maybe your living a lie). But honestly MAKING YOURSELF accept that discomfort is how to get through it. In the moment it’s scary, but it is helpful in the long run.
- Date posted
- 45w ago
How do you deal with it if it makes you anxious around the same sex or even look them in the eye as well as the crippling anxiety when you are to someone who is actually gay.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Same like wtf is going on? I feel like I'm gay all the time and it doesn't feel right
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Nope but then I tell myself Ik straight and then it feels like I’m lying to myself.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@advice? Yeah same. I feel like I'm forcing my HOCD, anxiety and my attraction to boys
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes. I have gotten to point where I’ve tried to trick my Brain and just agree with it and say fine I’m bisexual (bc I’ve only had heterosexual relationships and liked them) but even that doesn’t give my brain peace, I think bc as a kid my dad always made fun of Gays so it’s the fear of gay that won’t let me be at peace. It’s like it’s trying to force me to say that’s me. I have been cooped up in my house for month now bc I can’t find peace or happiness will only leave for work and to be with my family
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel clueless at times as well. I am sexually attracted to women but also subtly attracted to men.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
What do you mean subtly? I'm talking about hocd. Being scared that I'm attracted sexually to women, not actually being sexually attracted to them.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@LinaD10 But don’t forget the HOCD could be making him think he is subtly attracted to same sex, ex. Groinal response
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I understand what you're saying, was just confused by what he meant.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@LinaD10 Apologies for the confusion. I wasn't aware of the different strands of OCD at the time and as a checker, I experience intrusive thoughts. When I was sleeping over at a guy friend's house, I started petting his hair in affection, but I am usually attracted to women (heterosexual male). Intrusive thoughts with this friend haven't occured just once, either.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NarrowNoise I mean look, did you pet his hair to be funny or did you pet his hair bc you felt an attraction to him? Either one is fine but hey maybe you had a moment of attraction, doesn’t make you G, but if you enjoyed it and it didn’t cause you anxiety then that’s different story
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Dee313 More so because of the attraction. I don't feel anxious about being gay, but it upsets me that this is an intrusive thought, one that I didn't fully consider, like my mind and body is on autopilot and I'm in the passenger seat.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NarrowNoise So like you’re having the opposite feeling you mean? Meaning you enjoyed the attraction and don’t want to think negatively of petting him?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Dee313 I can't say for sure whether I enjoyed it or not, and I don't think negatively of petting him (I'm coming off as neutral). However, I feel even more uncertain with my sexual orientation, and that's what bugs me the most.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NarrowNoise What do I think would give you peace!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Dee313 Sorry, I'm a little confused with your response.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NarrowNoise Sorry meant to say what do u think would give your mind peace?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Dee313 Hmm... Probably being more certain about things and myself.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NarrowNoise They say with OCD you’ll never have 100% certainty but if you don’t feel anxious about being Gay then I wouldn’t say you have HOCD bc that’s the primal fear for people with HOCD
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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