Im a 19 yo girl with ROCD among other types

I have been diagnosed for about a year and a half, used to have really bad existential, sexuality and moral ocd which then turned to a really bad period of allergy and health ocd which then became contamination focused. The health ocd caused many panic attacks which got me diagnosed. I just finished ERP and right after that, I began having extremely severe ROCD w my boyfriend of a year. He has bpd but is very emotionally well adjusted considering but gets a bit distant when he feels bad. I moved countries for a term and since my moving I have had hours of rumination every day, started fights over and over about fears of him cheating, proof of him not loving me etc. And I have now realized that a lot of what I do to him is purely compulsive and not at all “just having high standards”. Still, I have never before had ocd centering around a specific person and it honestly feels as though I developed BPD overnight. The type of mood swings and extreme emotions I get paired with te rumination has made me not enjoy the time abroad at all, and my support system of family and friends who help me handle my thoughts and distract me are not here. I feel extremely bad for treating him like this but he also doesn’t seem to listen and change according to the things I ask of him that could help me feel supported and this feeds my thoughts even more. I have a hard time even identifying what is a compulsion and what is a valid question or fight, and what is an obsessive thought versus valid feeling. Him being a person who needs more space has never bothered me before (except for the times he has been in a really bad situation and not communicated, which I think is the specific event that triggered this kind of thinking) as I have a large social circle and loads of hobbies, but now I can’t think about anything else. I can never focus on studying which is what I went abroad for in the first place. Basically ROCD is costing me a lot of money for practically no gain, lol. In my last, not nearly as serious relationship, it ended in a similar way with me being extremely obsessive and pin pointing all his flaws, but in that case everyone including him agreed that it was his fault (he was super hot and cold and confusing so the feelings seemed very valid at the time). Still, I do feel like that was a beginning to my ROCD tendencies that I never corrected bc they feel soooo hard to identify from normal intense emotions in such sensitive situations. Very long rant but I needed to get this off my chest to someone who isn’t my bf, my best friend who also has OCD and is easily triggered or my other friends who won’t understand the difference between OCD and a bad relationship and will tell me to just break up. If anyone has any tips on how to distract myself from the thoughts, how to practice ERP/ACT with ROCD or atleast how to lock in enough to study for my exams, that would be so so appreciated <3 Hope ur all well

slippery_salad

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

It pains me to know that others took as long as I did to learn how to live with OCD. Your entire post seems to revolve around a compulsion. Let’s start there and keep it simple. A compulsion is an action you take to find relief. A great exercise is to actually research compulsions and even sneaky compulsions. For me, that made me feel seen in a way I’ve never felt before. It didn’t fix anything, but it helped me identify the compulsive patterns that kept me trapped in the cycle. Two, obsessions are essentially thoughts, urges, or feelings that fulfill a two-theme pattern: they are both uncomfortable and egodystonic (meaning they go against your core values). They wouldn’t make you uncomfortable if you didn’t value the opposite. Hence, why for you, all of these insecure thoughts bother you. Because you actually enjoy this person and desire to find intimacy. Three, you mentioned seeking advice on how to distract yourself. Distracting yourself is a compulsion. Imagine Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) as meditation on crack. In meditation, the key is to allow thoughts, feelings, urges, and so on to exist. This is how we manage OCD. We allow these thoughts and feelings to exist while continuing with our daily lives. Here’s the truth: you’ll never find certainty with any of these thoughts you’re having. You’ll never know if he’s the one, if he’s cheating, or if he’s actually attracted to you or if you’re actually attracted to him. So, the fourth thing you should do is exactly what I just said: allow the thoughts to exist while moving on with your life. It’s a muscle, but here’s the good news: you can live and thrive with OCD. Like lifting weights, it’s hard at first, but then it’s not. And not because the thoughts went away, but because you got stronger. You grew that muscle that allows you to live with uncertainty. If you have any specific questions, let me know. Otherwise, I can tell you now. You’ll make it through this:)))

Im a 19 yo girl with ROCD among other types

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