Anaemia & OCD

Unfortunately this is how the world treats most working adults... Toxic workplace, bullshit related to some necessity for life like your housing or car, family that doesn't have any emotional intelligence, a path to earn more income that creates a bigger workload than anyone can actually handle, and the medical issues that make you feel terrible when you need to put in all the energy you did when you were healthy. This isn't a curse from God. It's the way modern America is. It sounds like you're genuinely overloaded with all of this. Work and university at the same time is nearly impossible. You really might want to consider an extreme change. Like getting a job in a less toxic workplace and taking a semester off while you regain your health and build a better social life. You might consider selling your condo. Of course all that requires a whole bunch of work when you already can't handle what's on your plate. You'll need to write things out and figure out priorities and plans. But I really think that what you're currently doing is unsustainable. In the very least, you need a break, even if that means having to pause your education or take medical leave. Instead of taking it on all at once, you could, choose one thing at a time to focus on. For example: Start by taking iron supplements and eat a green salad every day. When December approaches, schedule a meeting with your advisor about taking a semester off. Over the winter, find some new meetup groups and try to make friends with someone who can give you emotional support. In Spring, sell your condo and rent an apartment. Once you're settled, change jobs. I feel for you. I know each of these balls you're keeping in the air is one you've fought hard for and feels indispensable. And these suggestions have huge barriers to being implemented. But you're describing a really unsustainable lifestyle. And it really sucks that this is what's expected of the average American, because it is not healthy at all. Society is absolutely insane right now. You've been doing great, and I hate that the people in your life like your family, boss, teammates, and landlords are such shitbags. I really think you can draw a better hand if you discard the one you're holding. There are better jobs, homes, and friends out there. What are you insisting on holding onto that isn't REALLY necessary, or doesn't HAVE to be THIS EXACT ONE?

I've also been there as far as thinking that God hated me and did not care. I wrestled with it for a while. I do believe that God loves and cares about us. I am sorry that you have all this stress on you. I realize that stress feeds OCD. You are not a lone.