Anxiety over bf's mental health

I'm actually gonna crash out. This was the one day of the week that I worked, which normally I worked more. But because I worked a night, on top of going to college I couldn't hang out with my boyfriend. And I was yapping with him in like d m's, and I happened to go through, like one of the discord servers we were in, and he offhandedly mentioned that he relapsed, and now i'm like, kind of crashing out, cause I feel like it's my fault, because I wasn't with him. Like logically, I know, that's not how it is. But like, holy fuck is my anxiety through the roof right now. Like, we were sending voice messages back and forth and I hadn't gone through that server. And I just happened to go oh, there's a little notification. There and I clicked on it. And I saw that, and now I don't even know how to continue on the conversation. Like he routinely has to talk to a doctor like because of his medications and s*** so like, his doctors gonna find out. But like, of course, this is almost midnight when i'm nowhere near the campus dorms and I can't just up and leave and go like talk to him in person.

Qsousa

Date posted: Yesterday

You might already be sleeping at this hour but reset and ask him about it in the morning or afternoon. It feels like you’re responsible for this because if you had different information earlier in the day you feel you could’ve prevented his relapse or gave him support. But there’s really no way to know that for sure. I have thoughts like this all the time and they suck because these scenarios and judgments of ourselves feel real and 100% valid. And it’s usually not. Actually the other Day I thought I made my friend upset with me when he didn’t reply to my text for a few hours at night. I thought he hated me even though we text everyday, but I was thinking about it the entire evening and night. The next day he texted me back as soon as he woke up I’m assuming. So if I had just taken a step back and reset I would’ve gotten much better sleep and not have dived into compulsions and rumination I’m rambling 🫠 but I think we both need to take time to reset when we catastrophize about what we could’ve done.

Alec_Arrowguy

Date posted: 22h

I mean, logically I know that it's not really my fault. I just know that I knew he had a pocket knife, and I thought he was doing good enough to have it with him. Instead of like stealing it from him, because, you know, he's an adult. And he should have the option to have a knife. Given that he's really into crafting and he uses it for stuff, and it's just been in my brain that I knew he had that when he wasn't supposed to. I don't know. We're supposed to hang out. And I i don't know if I should try and like, take it from him. So he can't do it again, but I don't even know if that's what he used. So now i'm like, deeply pondering everything.

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