Is this ocd or am i selfish?

Something I have noticed is that if my anxiety is extra high, my OCD tries to "get around"/override whatever compulsions I try to use to get rid of the thoughts. One issue I have in particular is that I frequently feel like the people in my life don't actually like me, they just tolerate me because they feel like they should. And most of the time I can soothe that feeling by reminding myself that I have *seen* them stop talking to people/inviting people/etc if they didn't like that person or if that person offended them. I have *experienced* them talking to me about it if *I* hurt their feelings. So the rational part of me can *usually* get rid of the intrusive thoughts by reminding myself over and over that I know what it looks like when they don't like someone and they don't do that to me, therefore they don't dislike me. Similar vibe to your "well, rabies doesn't spread that way so if people around me are sick too then it's not rabies." But if my anxiety is super high, sometimes even those excuses to myself don't work. It turns into "yeah but what if they are just more scared of hurting my feelings than they were about hurting that other person's feelings, so they're pretending to like me and that's why I can't tell that they don't like me." Basically, it sounds to me like your intrusive thoughts right now are just stronger than your coping mechanism and the intrusive thoughts are just making up ways to "win" against the truth: you and your mom just both have colds/flu/whatever. Sometimes for me it helps to treat those intrusive thoughts as an actual separate "entity." They're not your thoughts, it's not your fault that they decided to show up, and it's not your fault that they aren't listening to reason. Just remember: you may not be able to control how you feel (like that irrational feeling about your mom lying to you about being sick) but you can control how you treat people. Until you and your mom are feeling less sick and some of your anxiety/feeling that she's lying has faded, just be a tiny bit more careful than usual about how you interact with her. Because just like the intrusive thoughts aren't *your* fault, they also aren't *her* fault. Nobody did anything wrong in any of this at all. Maybe see if your mom wants to do some of what I call "sick-self-care" with you; maybe commiserating together will help. Snuggle into fluffy blankets with cocoa for a movie together or something. I like to take a plastic bucket of really hot water and a minty soap/scrub (peppermint, eucalyptus spearmint, etc) and watch a tv show while soaking my feet, then put on fresh fluffy socks after. Just a lil self care type treat that I don't normally do for myself and that tends to make me feel better when sick specifically. Maybe something like that *with your mom* will help you get through the icky thoughts. 🩵