Becca262
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Pure O here! I consider it the tenth circle of hell. This app is a place where we can all feebly tell each other "way to go" while our pure O throws shame-bricks and doubt-rocks at our heads. I didn't know I had it until this year when I saw a Chrissy Hodges video but I've had it at least since I was 9 and am 26 now. My pure O tends to focus on things I did wrong or might have done wrong or things which could have hurt others and tell me I'm going to be publicly shamed, misunderstood, kicked out of school, sent to jail or, occasionally, killed. There's a lot of responsibility and real event OCD in there, so I worry about whether something I did or didn't do which caused or is going to cause bad things to happen for other people. If I can take even a snippet of responsibility, I'll take the whole responsibility cake thanks. For coping I do meditation/emotional processing in the face of triggers using a book called Letting Go by David R Hawkins whenever I feel up to it. Uncomfortable but worth it. It helps me to do less avoidance. I've only just started OCD-trauma therapy so EMDR and ERP including scripting are on the horizon. The gold standard on this app is embracing uncertainty. The only real rule is to try not to give or ask for reassurance about the thoughts as part of seeking an answer to them, as we know it only gives OCD-doubt more fuel. Everyone here is pretty accepting of taboo OCDs, I've never seen any shaming for any themes yet, so don't be afraid to be explicit. We all have checking habits which make us ashamed and embarrassed etc. It's late so I've got to get back to trying to figure out whether coronavirus can live on ice cream and then throwing out the ice cream just in case someone else eats it and then worrying whether I really threw it out or just thought I did.
JonasJonas
- Date posted
- 5y
Great post. It really resonated with me. “Worrying whether I really threw it out or just thought I did”. Story of my life! Have to check everything.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh, I also try to make a habit of telling myself that even if all my fears came true, I could still handle it. There's a decent audiobook called "feel the fear and do it anyway". Stoicism and Buddhism also help with that, my favourites are Siddhartha and Pliny the Younger's letters to Lucius. "Is this the condition I so feared?"
Ben84Ben84
- Date posted
- 5y
Welcome ☺
Becca262Becca262
- Date posted
- 5y
LouW thank you! You're insight really helped. I find that the root of all my thoughts often center around guilt and generalized negative feelings about myself. Then those feelings get redirected as intrusive thoughts that further confirm those feelings. Its hard because I find myself often asking "Why?", why do I feel so bad/guilty/horrible about myself all the time but I guess that's a pretty common theme among people with pure O. I know the best thing is to not seek answers even when I feel like I desperately need them. I am going to look into the Letting Go book, and the audio book! Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts here :)
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh yes, that's exactly it. And when you don't have an answer for where that guilt is coming from it's so easy to believe whatever thought or suggestion your brain gives that could be a semi-plausible reason to feel guilty. I've realised I sometimes even actively seek out judgement so that I can associate the guilt with something more concrete instead of it feeling like just who I am. Like wanting to say I've done things I haven't all the time, or when a friend wants to do or say something risky, I say that if it goes badly tell them it was my idea etc. But I think I am so susceptible to guilt themes in OCD because I had a pretty crap childhood in many ways which left me with 'toxic shame' from PTSD and also made me act out as a teenager out of selfishness or mistrust in ways I regret. So that's gonna be real fun in therapy. Your feelings are definitely normal for pure O and absolutely not about you, doesn't matter how imperfect you are or what you've screwed up. Self-compassion work has helped me a lot with overcoming guilt feelings by accepting myself as just as flawed as everyone else, but I've never really worked on the other side of the feelings which is about whether my guilt levels I work so hard to overcome are actually at all appropriate in the first place. There lies the OCD. Definitely check them out, the book especially and lmk what you think! It's been a life saver for me.
Becca262Becca262
- Date posted
- 5y
Wow that is a lot to handle, and it sounds like you have really worked hard to recognize everything contributing to your feelings and thoughts, and that you're working hard to overcome them regardless of your previous life experiences that generated it. That is something to be really proud of, and I hope I can achieve that as well. I'm not sure why I have generated such negative feelings about myself. I cant pick out anything in particular about my life that lead me to feel the way I do. Sometimes that in and of itself makes me feel bad, because there are people who actually have traumatic or other life experiences which generates their feelings and OCD, while here I am with no reason at all but still feeling this way.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Haha it is a lot to handle, I've got so many diagnoses at this point that I probably have 20 capital letters after my name and none of them are lovely academic/professional ones. There is a general theory that OCD stems from trauma though- doesn't have to be a major event or an awful childhood, just something that made you feel like you didn't have control or just weren't a good person which you didn't have the tools to make sense of at the time. Those things can come up in therapy or even in meditation I've found. Even if there isn't anything like that though, you're still suffering the same way. OCD is really awful and whilst I'd prefer to have no traumas to attribute it to, purely because I feel that it gives the OCD a basis in reality which is difficult to overcome and impacts my levels of fear and anxiety about the future, I don't think it's reasonable for you to feel shitty about not having things quite as bad. Heck, not HAVING anything to link it to which you can work through probably makes it all feel much more random and unknown and makes it hard to know where to even begin. Maybe I get a layer of trauma and you get a layer of existential uncertainty and not >knowing for sure< if there is some forgotten reason. Anyway it's not your job to suffer and you deserve the same amount of support and understanding. You can definitely make a lot of progress overcoming mental illness and pain, I've found that ultimately all it takes is the willingness to be flexible about literally everything- the validity of my thoughts and feelings, the helpfulness of my habits, whether some things are important or not or have to mean the things I have believed they mean, etc. The willingness to change your mind, really. New ways of thinking which feel unsafe and uncertain and quite literally change your brain and personality. It's a wild ride.
purewaterpurewater
- Date posted
- 5y
?♂️
Becca262Becca262
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you, that is the first time I've ever really talked to anyone else who feels the same way I do. And for you to take so much time and detail to talk things out with me, it really means more than I could say. Especially about being flexible, and developing new ways of thinking.
Becca262Becca262
- Date posted
- 5y
I was hoping people could share a little bit about what works best for them in terms of coping with/releasing thoughts?
Sheehan 55Sheehan 55
- Date posted
- 5y
Welcome I have ocd very bad and it’s really hard for me to get through each day I must avoid 6 and number twos and I also can’t keep movies in very long in DVD player I’m the only one out of my sisters that has this my mother had it as well as my grandma ? anyway if u ever feel like to chat just drop me a line God bless
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_okayylexi
- Date posted
- 20w
Newbie Here 🙏🏼
Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!
cristinag01
- Date posted
- 18w
First Post- OCD habits and self realization.
Hiii! This is my first post. I found NOCD through a tiktok ad that spoke to me. It was titled signs you didnt know were OCD or something like that, and one of the slides was “checking my pulse throughout the day to make sure i was okay”. This is something ive done for i dont even know how long. atleast 10 years, im 24 now. Ive always known Ive had OCD. Light Sanitation OCD runs in my family. But over the years ive started to realize i had way more than the “family trait”. Checking my pulse 40+ times a day is something i refer to as my “OCD tick”. Its to the point where people who dont know about my “tick” often ask if i am okay when they see me do it. Maybe this post is me putting it on paper for the first time so i myself can analyze but some other stuff i struggle with are: Often having thoughts of if i dont do A, B will happen. An example that is common for me is “if i dont refold this shirt me and my boyfriend will get into an argument” or if im out to dinner with a friend, “if i dont pick up this cup and place it back down, i will get into a car accident on the way home”. This is one i struggle with almost everyday, especially when im around people (work or outings). This compulsion happens multiple times a day. Now in my life i try to practice exposure therapy, even getting annoyed i feel the compulsion and think to myself “oh my god this is so stupid no!” but if i dont follow through i feel guilty. often when i get my next compulsion shortly after i tell myself “okay doing this will make up for not doing the previous one”. I definitely dont have a number based OCD, but i would have to pick up and put down the cup until it feels “right” or “correct”- same with checking my pulse. I have to check my pulse until the feeling is “just right”. With sanitation as i said before, i have a very clean and sanitary family, although mine is more severe than their feelings. I avoid touching certain surfaces after i have washed my hands, such as the front door knob, or living room tv remote, etc. If i need to touch or use these things, i have to immediately wash my hands again. Even if someone comes home and asks me to go and lock the front door ill often respond with “i cant i just washed my hands, if i lock the door ill have to rewash my hands”. thankfully my family is very understanding. I often feel like certain things are contaminated. For example when i come home i sanitize my phone immediately as it is contaminated from being outside of my house. I often have a feeling of something having to feel “just right”. If i go out to dinner i have to be the first to pick what seat or side of the booth im sitting on before the rest of my family sits down or i will feel anxious the whole dinner. Sometimes when im typing i have to back space and retype the same word over and over until i feel i typed it “just right”- even if i didnt make a typo. sometimes when i am driving and space out i often think “oh my god did i just hit someone” when there is no evidence that i have. it worries me. I think oh my god i mightve done a hit and run. But tell myself it can not be possible, theres no police chasing me, no honking, or anything. It is scary. this one is very rare. once in a blue moon i get a false memory. A main one ive felt since i was a kid is if someone or some object touches any part of my body, for example my left arm, i have to have them or atleast my self touch my right arm in the exact same way or i feel uneasy. this isnt with every single touch, but mainly when i feel triggered- although i never know what triggers a moment where i need the symmetry. I guess ive always known, i am very honest with my family, friends, and boyfriend about it. But i didnt start to realize how neurodivergent i was until asking some friends “you never randomly feel *insert compulsion*?” and they say never in their life have they felt like that. Im very self aware and have come to an acceptance with all these things, although it is debilitating. Periodically i think, wow it must be nice to not live life with these feelings but oh well. To be honest, downloading this app is the first step ive ever taken to find out more about OCD. Ive always kind of just been like “yeah i definitely have OCD but okay” more or less.
Srberry
- Date posted
- 15w
Hello all!
Hello all, I just found out about this app! I’m pretty sure I have OCD, but also not sure. I’d line to discover more about to and hear what other experiences are.
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