- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, what happened already happened. It’s in the past, and you can’t change that. Time is only moving forward, and not backwards so don’t worry about what you did or what you may have done because it’s already over. Instead, focus on the present or the future and learn from your past mistakes. Learn to love yourself and to accept that you are human and we all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up.
- Date posted
- 5y
Can you say more about your goal of "stopping the thought" and what your therapist suggested?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, She hadn’t really suggested anything about thought stopping. She really listens to me and suggests I stop all contact with him and suggests that he has issues of his own. My goal is too wake up and not be anxious about him not being in my life or constantly living in the past. I’m not doing well at all. My life is just passing me by. I don’t enjoy anything anymore it’s destroying me. ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Are you avoiding or putting off regular activities and new relationships to make time to think about your ex?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Katie thanks for your questions I answered more below.
- Date posted
- 5y
@JodyASch I try to do my regular activities but my thought always goes to “ if he was still in my life “ I would be happy doing these activities” I basically feel anxious and scared, scared I’m going to be like this forever since it’s already been two years since we broke up....As far as new relationships I’ve made some new friendships but o find myself thinking these are not the people I want to be with. It’s like I have put him on a pedestal. I feel like when I was with him life wasn’t as “ scary” or like I always had someone to come home too literally and figuratively. I feel so foolish I’m not getting better.
- Date posted
- 5y
I try to do my regular activities but my thought always goes to “ if he was still in my life “ I would be happy doing these activities” I basically feel anxious and scared, scared I’m going to be like this forever since it’s already been two years since we broke up....As far as new relationships I’ve made some new friendships but o find myself thinking these are not the people I want to be with. It’s like I have put him on a pedestal. I feel like when I was with him life wasn’t as “ scary” or like I always had someone to come home too literally and figuratively. I feel so foolish I’m not getting better.
- Date posted
- 5y
Did the break up come as a shock? Maybe that's why it had such a huge impact
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes it was a shock and I had just but a house that I thought would eventually move into. My ex contacted me two months after we broke up just as I was starting to feel normal again I then went back into an anxious state But continued to see him because he started to help me with home remodels I was also on limited duty for a bad back injury. My brother committed suicide a few months later while he was on duty as a veteran police detective. So basically a lot happened in the year of 2018. 2019 I was determined to get my life back together. My back was getting better and I began eating better and losing weight and started exercising again. (Sorry I’m ranting) needless to say I was starting to feel hopeful. However the thoughts came back and I started feeling sad, guilty, and alone. I feel stupid writing this. Thanks for lisrening.
- Date posted
- 5y
@JodyASch So it's not just the break up that you're grieving
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie I guess not. ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 14w
My psychologist tells me because my thoughts are based off of facts/ broken boundaries which is why I am having thoughts of am i in love , am I settling , and feeling guilty I should let him go to find someone who wouldn’t doubt him that I do not have rocd. She states rocd is intrusive , irrational thoughts not based off of real facts and I may have ptsd not ocd. He kissed someone else before we were official and he finds a certain type of female attractive that I find disgusting . So I spin about these issues all day long to the point I’m so unhappy with him and had to break up . It’s been over a month now but I’m still severely anxious and depressed The thing is I can’t stop thinking about this 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression and nothing is helping me . Can someone please tell me their thoughts
- Date posted
- 5w
i’ve been seeing the same therapist for over two years now. she does not specialize in ocd and i often find myself too afraid to talk about it with her. it’s not necessarily her fault, but i feel like ive reached a point with her where she feels more like a friend than a therapist. i know that isn’t good and i should not feel that way. she is a very very kind person but i also feel like she doesn’t fully listen to me sometimes. we talk more about our day to day lives with one another rather than anxiety and worries at this point and i feel like i can’t suddenly reverse it? also, i’ve expressed certain thoughts with her that she has laughed at or has not taken very seriously. this has made me really upset in the past and makes me feel awkward and not listened to. i’ve mentioned these moments to friends and they think i should get a new therapist, but i feel so terrible because i am so used to her and i do like her as a person. i don’t really feel like ive been benefiting from therapy with her lately. again, we don’t really talk about ocd or anxiety which are my main issues. i want an ocd therapist so i can actually seek help but i can’t find one in person. i’ve considered doing it through this app but im not a big fan of online therapy as i find it uncomfortable and awkward. i’m willing to try tho. anyone have tips on how to “end things” with my therapist? i’d rather not, but i know i need to prioritize my mental health over making her feel bad. and if anything, im sure she’d understand. i just feel bad
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