- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, what happened already happened. It’s in the past, and you can’t change that. Time is only moving forward, and not backwards so don’t worry about what you did or what you may have done because it’s already over. Instead, focus on the present or the future and learn from your past mistakes. Learn to love yourself and to accept that you are human and we all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up.
- Date posted
- 5y
Can you say more about your goal of "stopping the thought" and what your therapist suggested?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi, She hadn’t really suggested anything about thought stopping. She really listens to me and suggests I stop all contact with him and suggests that he has issues of his own. My goal is too wake up and not be anxious about him not being in my life or constantly living in the past. I’m not doing well at all. My life is just passing me by. I don’t enjoy anything anymore it’s destroying me. ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Are you avoiding or putting off regular activities and new relationships to make time to think about your ex?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Katie thanks for your questions I answered more below.
- Date posted
- 5y
@JodyASch I try to do my regular activities but my thought always goes to “ if he was still in my life “ I would be happy doing these activities” I basically feel anxious and scared, scared I’m going to be like this forever since it’s already been two years since we broke up....As far as new relationships I’ve made some new friendships but o find myself thinking these are not the people I want to be with. It’s like I have put him on a pedestal. I feel like when I was with him life wasn’t as “ scary” or like I always had someone to come home too literally and figuratively. I feel so foolish I’m not getting better.
- Date posted
- 5y
I try to do my regular activities but my thought always goes to “ if he was still in my life “ I would be happy doing these activities” I basically feel anxious and scared, scared I’m going to be like this forever since it’s already been two years since we broke up....As far as new relationships I’ve made some new friendships but o find myself thinking these are not the people I want to be with. It’s like I have put him on a pedestal. I feel like when I was with him life wasn’t as “ scary” or like I always had someone to come home too literally and figuratively. I feel so foolish I’m not getting better.
- Date posted
- 5y
Did the break up come as a shock? Maybe that's why it had such a huge impact
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes it was a shock and I had just but a house that I thought would eventually move into. My ex contacted me two months after we broke up just as I was starting to feel normal again I then went back into an anxious state But continued to see him because he started to help me with home remodels I was also on limited duty for a bad back injury. My brother committed suicide a few months later while he was on duty as a veteran police detective. So basically a lot happened in the year of 2018. 2019 I was determined to get my life back together. My back was getting better and I began eating better and losing weight and started exercising again. (Sorry I’m ranting) needless to say I was starting to feel hopeful. However the thoughts came back and I started feeling sad, guilty, and alone. I feel stupid writing this. Thanks for lisrening.
- Date posted
- 5y
@JodyASch So it's not just the break up that you're grieving
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie I guess not. ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
- Date posted
- 19w
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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