I am so physically and mentally drained. My thoughts went from HOCD to trying to convince me I cheated on my bf without me realizing it. And I am trying to replay actions in my head of what happened 5 months ago because I want to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong (and every time I don’t find anything wrong I did my mind says “well what if you just don’t remember, maybe you did do something”). And then every time I am with my bf I get the thought “imagine that, you hurt him and you are not going to even let him know” or “you don’t even deserve him” or “you are such a hypocrite and you are just being nice because you know you messed up” when in reality I really did not do anything but that doesn’t seem to be enough for me. What do I do?? My biggest fear has always been to lose my boyfriend and it being my fault so my OCD themes always seem to attack what is most valuable to me and I’m sick and tired of it. I feel like every time a theme appears it’s like I am keeping the biggest secret from my bf when in reality I am just dwelling on things over and over again. And I know if I tell him about this it’s going to sound illogical because it’s not based on facts but on fears that don’t even make sense... but what if they do?? You know so there’s so many what if’s involved from the past and the future. I don’t know what to do

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

You need to stop mentally reviewing your life, that’s a compulsion and it will never bring you closer to certainty. Nothing is ever enough evidence for OCD to put our fears to rest. Instead, every time your brain tries to bring something up, simply answer, “maybe that’s true. Or maybe that’s not true. I don’t know the answer and I don’t need to know.” And accept any anxiety that results from it without trying to reassure yourself with compulsions. Right now, all of your mental reviewing is feeding your obsession. Each time you do it, you make it stronger. Stop performing the compulsion and sit with the anxiety. It will seem harder at first but lead to recovery in the long term.

Date posted: 5y

Girl I feel u on this one. The same thing happened to me! My brain just loves to knit pick at everything and just stupid thought pop in my mind about my boyfriend. I actually think I’ve had that same exact thought before that u had.

takingmylife...

Date posted: 5y

Yea and it’s so annoying because it doesn’t seem to just let go and move on with life. I feel like the hardest part for me is to let a thought go and not shed a spotlight onto it. Like even when I move on from that thought my brain moves on to something that bothered me before. It goes like “oh this isn’t bothering you anymore but guess what was bothering you two days ago... BAM hits me with it AGAIN”

takingmylife...

Date posted: 5y

But thank you I appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one going through it. But we will get through it together!!

Date posted: 5y

I totally feel that it’s horrible and I wish I can just let go of things easier and just move on but my brains like nope nice try

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