- Username
- Blade118
- Date posted
- 4y ago
“I feel like I don’t do any reassurance that I am straight because al I think of is gay acts 24/7 trying to find some level of dislike”. Sounds like reassurance seeking to me
Yes it probably is but I have lost all desire to be with women and then start questioning whether I was every into them. I thought about kissing my brother earlier and feel no dislike when I thought about it. I just don’t know this is OCD and I feel like I am. I have heard certain stories about people going out and trying it and feel this is the only way I am going to know for sure even though half the time I think I know I am. Does HOcD mean your not gay or could it mean you are?
Hi! I was going through the same thing about a week ago. For me, I had to STOP imagining scenarios with the same sex to see how I “felt” about it. This is called body scanning! It’s where you try to see how you “feel” throughout different areas of your body. I had to realize that sometimes thoughts/feelings (especially because you didn’t have these feelings at first) are NOT reality. This is OCD tricking you. Trying to see how you “feel” about a certain scenario is a compulsion, and then coming on the app to ask I would say is seeking reassurance. You really have to try to just sit with the discomfort, and you will feel better in the long run. You have to sit with the discomfort of saying “maybe I’m gay maybe I’m not”, rather than fighting these thoughts. Hope you feel better soon.
Is this common because I lay on my back imagining what it feels like, kiss walls, I even sucked a cucumber last week. is that what you have to do maybe I am gay maybe I am not. What were you thinking of. I have now split from my partner of 9 years as she can’t take anymore of me saying I know I am gay and I can see myself doing it, telling her all about this graphic thoughts, tell her that i have been out and kissed a guy and enjoyed it.
Sadly I cannot give you reassurance because that will make your situation worse. Just breath. Maybe you are gay maybe you’re not, and you just have to accept that right now until you are in a calm state of mind.
i’ve been dealing with SOOCD for a while now. in the beginning i remember getting random thoughts about secretly being gay because whenever i see a woman portrayed in a sexual manner (like butt naked and/or doing something super sexual) i would get aroused. i used to brush it off because i just knew i didn’t want to be with a woman and i was and always have been only interested in men. I would only get aroused seeing those things in media and ofc porn but never in real life. I would even sit and stare at the content trying to see why i was aroused because it would only give me a groinal feeling and not the same attraction i felt when i saw sexual content about men (i had a HEALTHY libido growing up and all i thought about was men). i would watch music videos and not think anything of it but when something sexual came up or if a woman was nude or doing something sexual i would get aroused and as my anxiety got worse the intrusive thoughts started to pop up and stick around for longer. i tried to understand why it was happening and i realized i was exposed to sexual content at a pretty young age (thank you google) and i knew what sex was and how a woman “should look” during sex and anything that was even a little bit sexual made me aroused . Like me looking at myself naked would arouse me because i felt like “oh this is sexual” ykwim? and if i saw like lacy underwear i would be like “oh this is for sex.” in middle school the world history textbooks had pictures of statues with women without shirts and i automatically got aroused and i was concerned and confused but i realized oh i immediately think this means sex? like a woman only looks like that to have sex? i think my exposure to sexual content at a young age warped my idea of sex and what being sexual is? idk if what i’m saying is making sense. anyways in high school i noticed i started getting urges to watch any sexual content or anything involving sexual content whether it involved girls or guys and that triggered my intrusive thoughts even more. i still had and have no desire to be with a girl. I would rather never marry and be single all my life than even think of experimenting with a girl. basically i’m writing this all bc i was triggered by a cardi b post where she started twerking in a thong out of nowhere (i should’ve expected it) and i got the most massive groinal response and i got extremely anxious and i started thinking “you’ve always been aroused by sexual content like this your gay” “your lying to yourself” “this isn’t just ocd stop lying” “there was too much exploration in your childhood to mean ur straight” “you don’t even have a libido or attraction to men anymore but you get aroused to this?? ur gay”. and so i’m here ranting and not making sense. i miss being boy crazy so fucking much i hate living like this i used to be so BOY CRAZY that these things and experiences and thoughts never affected me but now that it’s all gone and it’s been so long since i’ve felt any of it the intrusive thoughts hit me harder. ok i’m done sorry this is all over the place.
I just want to know the difference of someone who is gay vs someone who is just questioning bc of ocd. Like would you hear I’m gay im gay over and over and over again in your head but it didn’t feel right? But when I say this is a waste of my time im of course straight it feels like im lying but I know im not attracted to women at all I am certain of that. But picking a label is what i can’t settle on so this is my ocd or not
Anyone else will just be doing anything normal and I’m gay comes in? It’s so distressing and I try and say ok sure ocd but the anxiety over takes me and my mind won’t let me believe I’m straight when I am. I love men I’m Not attracted to women but when I ask myself the doubt is for sure there which sounds like Casebook ocd. I’m just sick of this I don’t want to have to laugh at things in my head that don’t make any sense it’s so hard and unfair
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