if anyone on here is dealing with dermatillomania and has any advice please send it my way! my fingers are constantly raw and it obviously hurts a lot but it’s so embarrassing when people ask me what happened or tell me to just stop. i feel so dumb having to explain that i did it and that i can’t just stop, it’s not just a “bad habit”

i have really bad acne. but the problem is, i make the acne because i pick/pop my face apart till. it’s a relaxing this for me to do, which sounds weird... but i love popping pimples. when i see one my immediate action is to pop. of course i do it, then it starts bleeding, and i real AWFUL about myself. i get really close up in the mirror and anything that looks like a pimple or bump will be popped. i keep picking at it because i want the sensation of the pimple popping. the after math is horrible for me though. i’m very self conscious of my face (acne), i know it’s wrong to do since i’m making it/i could just leave my face alone... but that thought gets overturned and my body just reacts in a way so i don’t think of anything else except for the pimples/bleeding on my face. it’s not like i’m gentle with my face ether, i just go right in and 99% of the time... most of the skin around it comes off too. since it will just turn into a scab, i pick it again because i feel like there’s another pimple under it still, or i just try to pick it off since i just want it to be gone. of course, both of these things don’t work positively. i just wish i could control myself and learn how to just let my face do its thing. i tell my self everyday that i’m not going to pick, but whenever i see a mirror i go off. sometimes i don’t even need a mirror. it may be because of stress, but usually at the time i’m doing it, it’s when i come home from dance late after school. or even in the moring when i wake up to put makeup on. that’s another thing... i need concealer to go to school when i have acne (which is like always). i try to get the best concealer to cover it up, but in the matter of minutes, i look at my face and i’m just not satisfied with the way it’s looking (even though i know it looks better than if i touch it) but knowing me, i go ahead and touch it, trying to “fix it”... once again, this does not work and just makes it 10 times worse than it was. i know im a perfectionist, since i need to not have pimples on the face, to get rid of them since i need the skin to be clear. now first of all, that method of picking won’t make my skin clear... and i know that, but i do it anyways. also when it comes to my makeup it need to be perfect. but it can never be because you can still see the dry skin, causing the makeup to crack (not appealing). i try wash my face every night and moisturize. i tell myself i’m going to do it. but it never happens. i get to worked up in picking my face that i don’t even get the time to clean myself. i could clean myself after, but i get so depressed and mad at myself for picking. when i’m depressed i usually tend to get really tired and my motivation to do anything goes straight away. it feels like there’s so many things going on that i’m doing wrong, and i don’t know how to fix them. the internet doesn’t help me... i don’t know why but it doesn’t give my any coping skills to stop picking. i go to my ocd therapist and she tells me something’s to do... like sit on my hands when i want to pick. i did that and it worked for when i was sitting down with her. but once i got home and i saw a mirror, my hands went straight to my face. it’s even worse since i get SO CLOSE up to the mirror that i can see every little flaw and bump. i always wonder how people don’t have such an urge to pick at there face, but i know it’s just my ocd... and they don’t have ocd that makes them do this to their skin. i would do anything else to stop doing this. also, it’s not just my face... it’s my whole entire back and chest. even my boobs get picked apart. i have found new spots on my body where there are little pimples... on my hips, arms, thighs, butt, and even my knees. so it’s not only my appearance that shows on my face, it’s literally turning into my entire body. you can actually see at the top of my back/ bottom of neck where there are scabs. not only is it very unattractive, it’s hurts. even though it hurts me i do it becuase i like it... still makes no sense. even though it’s bleeding, i still pick becuase i veil e there something STILL there. it gets raw and it bleeds and i scans and then the scabs stay on their forever... until i pick them off. or even if they fell off, the mark where the scab was would be picked since i most likely see a little black/white head in the center of where the scab was. it’s a whole cycle, it never stops. it gets better, and then it gets worse. i have no coping skills because everything i have ben told to do ether doesn’t work or i don’t bother doing it because i ether forget, or am to unmotivated since i’m depressed. you what to know the worst part of it all, i have perfect skin. i have flawless skin. i turn it into a mess, now i’m always constantly thinking about how unattractive i am. i know now why boys don’t like me. people must think i’m weird looking sometimes to. i know they do because a kid in my school asked me why my face looked weird. before i went to school i picked my entire face apart. i’m self conscious of my self already, and i’m EXTREMELY sensitive. so i take things personally. because don’t know that about me, they don’t know that i go home and cry... not only do i have 0 self confidence, i get bullied for the smallest things everyday. they say i’m easy to pick on... isn’t that nice? they think i’m annoying... i’m loud, i’m obnoxious, i’m just weird. i’m a loser. this whole thing causes me to have suicidal thought ALL the time. as if right now, if there was one thing that would make me kill myself it would be my appearance. i know i can looks beautiful without acne. i have so much confidence in myself when i’m clear. but very rarely does that happen. it stressss me out knowing that i can be beautiful without acne, but i just can’t seem to control myself... guess i’m going to be ugly for a long time because nothing seems to be going anywhere with this problem. people tell my it’s going to get better. obviously this hasn’t gotten better! other things may have... but this is one of my main problems and nothing ever seems to change. i’m so messed up.

I have this and it's awful! I don't have bad acne but I pick my face so much it look terrible I'm so embarrassed by it and not even makeup can cover all of it up

I am the exact same way! When i know a bump on on my body i HAVE to get it out. I am already on antidepressants but they dont seem to be helping with that. As weird as it sounds tanning has helped me. It clears up my skin and i dont pick AS much. I still do though. It isnt a permanent solution (especially since tanning beds are not the best for you) but it does wonders for my mental health and eases my picking for a bit. It has just enough power to break the cycle. If my job allowed me to paint my nails- i would. It helps me not pick because when i have wet nail polish on i wont touch my skin!!

Holy shit, this is what I’ve been experiencing! Literally today my psychiatrist asked me if I bite my nails just because of the state that my fingers are in. I replied “No, I bite the skin around my fingers.” He asked me like several times as well. Had no idea it was an OCD thing.

My thumb is bleeding as I read your post. I have the same problem. ?

Yes! I have the same thing but I pick my head. People always tell me picking horror stories or they tell me just to stop which is so frustrating

I had exactly the same problem. My hands looked as though I had grated them with a cheese grater and everyone always asked what had happened to them. I don’t pick my skin as much anymore, I found that using fidgety things (fidget cubes etc) helped and also covering the areas where I picked with plasters or dressings. I hope that this can maybe help you a little bit, I know how difficult it is ☺️

going through this now! so embarrassing when people asked what happened i don’t know what to say. i usually just say don’t worry about it

You all should follow CBT School on Instagram. It’s run by the former director of OCD who knows a lot about body focused repetitive behaviors