- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
There was no way you were gonna get aroused with that much anxiety even if you were gay lol! I will say this though...I have had HOCD pop up for me and it lasted no more than 20 minutes maybe and was gone forever. The theme just didn’t stick because I don’t fear being gay. I would rather be straight but the thought of possibly being gay isn’t scary enough to start a compulsive year long cycle. You gotta find a way to make the possibility of being gay not seem like a nightmare. How would your life be different? Would it be worse than your life now, constantly having distressing HOCD thoughts? Probably not. I’d rather be a happy gay person than deal with crippling ocd and be a miserable straight person.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hahah well fair point. Yesterday the anxiety hit me quite hard to be honest. However there have been moments when I viewed gay porn and I was much calmer and didn’t get turned on as well. And yeah I get what you mean I’m trying not to make it much of a big deal in my head cause growing up I’ve always dreamt of having a wife starting a family and still do. It’s hard but it is becoming easier to accept the possibility. For the most part my HOCD is on and off really my distress may last a few months then fade away for a while even years. I’m only just really learning about ERP and all over the last few months so I guess that’s why I keep relapsing over the years. Now though I’m gaining more and more confidence in who I am, what I like and dislike and trying not worrying too much about the what ifs in the future. It isn’t easy but it keeps getting better though
- Date posted
- 5y
I have exposed myself to gay porn a lot just sitting there and waiting for some dislike feeling to come in but I never get it is that because I am Gay. I feel that I am chasing this dislike feeling and just watching for hours and hours waiting for something to click. What are the effects of ERP I’m watching gay porn what is it man want to do
- Date posted
- 5y
Well even if you don’t feel the feeling of dislike it doesn’t mean you like it. Maybe it’s just something that isn’t of interest to you but you’ve habituated and I get that feeling sometimes. Don’t chase the feelings just let them come naturally and play out by itself over time I feel your perspective will become clearer at least that’s what I’m slowly feeling
- Date posted
- 5y
Okay do you think I am Gay, I think once I started to become more habituated with the thoughts that’s when the anxiety started to really kick in saying I must like it
- Date posted
- 5y
Well I’m no expert but if you getting all this anxiety chances are you aren’t. Maybe you’re experiencing what’s called a back door spike? It’s basically when you start to habituate and you start to feel your worst fears are becoming true. You should do some research on it. Take things one day at a time and don’t jump to any conclusions especially when you’re panicking and full of anxiety I’ve been there it doesn’t help. Try and accept the thoughts and uncertainty consistently and over time you’d pretty much start living the life YOU want to live.
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like I have been suffering a backdoor spike then for 12 months. I feel like I am fearing I am liking it could this actually be due to shame and denial. Everytime I picture a kissing a man it I feel like I desire it. Could I have been misdiagnosed
- Date posted
- 5y
If your therapist has diagnosed you then they probably ain’t wrong. Also read all the stories on here or go online and watch and read about HOCD stories you’d find out that many people have experienced what you’re experiencing. Try and just observe these thoughts and stop using them to test yourself cause it’s another compulsion and if you ain’t careful you may relapse. Has your therapist given you any advice on how to handle this spike? And what exposures did he/she make you do?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
How long should I do ERP, so that my brain gets used to it, not to say tired?! I've been working for about three months, but everything still seems vivid in my head, there are even vulgar words in detail... since the sexual topic is both a groinal and a feeling that I want to touch myself. It's mostly related to faces and genitals, so how exactly can that go, if it's emphasized that sex pictures in themselves give that feeling, whoever is in them?
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 7w
I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!
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