- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I hear you. I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year and I’m constantly overthinking the relationship. Idk if it’s my OCD or not, but it seems to happen in every relationship I get in. During the relationship I constantly tell myself it’s not going anywhere so what’s the point? I think I’m scared of commitment. I’m also a perfectionist, so whenever she doesn’t act the way I think she will in my head, I get annoyed for some reason. It’s like I expect her to read my mind. Definitely a cognitive distortion. Wish I had all the answers.
- Date posted
- 5y
I completely feel the same way! This is the third serious relationship I’ve been in And every past relationship I have been the one to end it because I feel exactly everything you described... it sucks because I do want to get married and have kids but I’m scared of commitment as well. It’s like I’ll find the smallest things he does and just think well maybe he’s just not the one for me. But deep down I know he’s great and I don’t want to lose him. I just don’t want to keep making this a viscous cycle where I end up alone ?
- Date posted
- 5y
I definitely understand. It’s weird because my girlfriend now is awesome and I know she’d do anything for me, but I still just always look for reasons to be less interested. I also haven’t been broken up with before. It’s weird because afterwards I’ll tell myself I was too hard on them for little things, but I won’t really be that sad because I know I can live fine without them. It’s almost as if I just want someone around that I know really wants me.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Sam10 Yeah I understand. I honestly think it’s me and not them. Nobody’s perfect especially me lol so I have to remember not to have such high expectations. I hope things get better for you and your girl.
- Date posted
- 5y
Im like pushing through my anxiety to be with this girl because she’s amazing but now that marriage is a question i suddenly have no idea if i even want to be in it. All the little things are just being expanded into reasons why i shouldnt be with her
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes I feel it. My bf wants to move in together and it scares me so much. I don’t want him to think I don’t want to be with him because I do but I just can’t help but to feel this way. I hope things get better for you and you can find a way to get past that anxiety and be with your partner. I think it’s hard to find good relationships now. I’m hoping I do the same..
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔
- Date posted
- 22w
Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt
- Date posted
- 13w
I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭
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