So I feel like I always have a hard time making any decisions or staying fully committed with something. I’ve been going to school what feels like an eternity and I feel like I’m not happy and want to change my major.. but idk if it’s really what I want. I’m always second guessing myself. Also I’ve been with my bf for about 2 years and I do love him but find myself second guessing our relationship..?? Is this just me or does this somehow have anything to do with my ocd?? I overthink everything...

Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.

I’ve been struggling with ocd for a while now and did therapy for like 2 or 3 months but stopped because it wasn’t helping. My main focus right now is my ROCD, I have a boyfriend but we’re on a break right now because I was convinced that I didn’t have feeling for him anymore and I told him that being in a relationship was challenging for me because my mental state has been truly awful. During the summer I didn’t want to talk to anyone or do anything and that included talking to my boyfriend. But also I was doubting our relationship more then ever. I kept thinking that we’re so different, I was thinking about all of the things that I don’t like about him and all of the things we disagree on. And came to the conclusion that I didn’t think I wanted to be with him. And we went on break so I could have space to really figure out what I wanted. Now I’m back at the school we both go to and I want to reach out, but idk if I only want to reach out because I’m back at school where I’ve only been with him here, or because I actually want to get back together. Now my ocd is making me think that maybe I never really loved him. Or that maybe I convinced myself that I didn’t want to be with him because we were long distance and I’ve been googling and asking chatgpt. And basically I don’t know how to distinguish between my real feelings and what’s my OCD. I’m just so confused about what I should do. (Also I feel like my feelings change like the weather and I’m never consistent)

I have been struggling recently with overthinking, overanalyzing, and just random thoughts about my relationship. I overanalyze literally everything: his texts, if he shows active on Instagram but isn't texting me back, etc. We're also both Christian, so I'll get thoughts that God doesn't want me in this relationship and that He wants me to break up with him. My boyfriend isn't great about being in God's word, making me think that God wants us to break up because my boyfriend isn't a "good enough Christian." I then start to spiral, which usually involves me looking up things online like articles, podcasts, YouTube videos, etc, to confirm whether or not this is God's voice. Some other random thoughts: he (my boyfriend) is embarassed by me, he doesn't want to be with me, he's with me because it's easy, etc. (There isn't proof to these thoughts, it stems from overthinking and then just gets worse). It's mentally exhausting and can consume hours of my day simply because I get so scared. It's also just hard to let the thoughts go. Whenever I get one, it can feel so loud and urgent which is then when I start googling things or asking my boyfriend about how he's feeling. Some days are a bit calmer than others, but when there is a quiet day, I start to worry that it means something bad is going on (idk it doesn't make sense). I've been researching relationship OCD, and a lot of what I have found seems to be matching up to my experiences (I have not been diagnosed with any OCD, but have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I can't tell if what I am going through is relationship OCD, maybe just relationship anxiety, or if it is God telling me to break up. Any insight and/or advice to what may be going on (I understand a diagnosis cannot be given).