- Username
- ruminating_redhead
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I avoid it like the plague because it feels too overwhelming
For several months, I only had a mattress in my old apartment because I was not able to decide what to buy because I was so afraid of making the wrong decision and being doomed after that. Before all this I had been living at a place that was fully furnished. When my boyfriend finally brought me a chair and a table I had to learn to live with being uncomfortable. After that I finally was able to buy curtains and a rug.
Not sure if it’s related but I frequently feel the need to spend money on stuff for my room a lot of the time impulsively. I have to breathe and step away some times so I’m not buying things I really don’t need because it causes a ton of stress
Everything has to flow and go together, otherwise it feels like chaos...
All the above comments are exactly how I feel. I will not buy anything unless it is exactly the perfect thing I’m looking for. And if I buy something I place it and move it several times. If I make an impulse buy, my anxiety shoots through the roof wondering if I could have gotten something better. If things don’t look exactly how I want it, or if it’s not exactly what I want, I feel like my life will be a disaster and I won’t ever feel comfortable. I’m currently painting my cabinets and it pains me to do it because there are so many bumps and flaws. It tripped high anxiety that I’ve been living with for a few days now
I have the hardest time figuring out how to do ERP treatment because I'm confused about how I'm supposed to know what's OCD & what's just personality quirks or interests that are different from other people. Like for example therapists ask patients to make a picture on the wall crooked for an exposure & habituate to that. Me, I like pictures hanging straight. It's a preference of mine. I could list alot of other examples. This gets confusing alot of the time. Anyone else experience this?
I always have to check that everything is perfect and in order. I am afraid that my things will be ruined. When I am out I have to check clothes, shoes, bags, when I get home I do the same thing. Then I check the cabinets, the drawers, I have to check if something is missing and ask for help because it all seems to me messed up. Does anyone do this?
I'm 37, been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I've thought for a few years now that I may have some ocd tendencies. But I feel like they are getting worse. I clean, every single day. I have to vacuum 2-3 times a day or I cannot relax. I have to vacuum every morning, or I can't concentrate on work, I vacuum later in the day, then again before bed to help me relax. I can't skip a day...if I do it nags at me. I'm also a perfectionist?!? I get highly irritated if things are out of order, or my house is chaotic. Sit on the furniture wrong and squash my pillow? My anxiety or irritation spikes until the person gets up and I can go fix that space. I also obsess over things, and seek answers/validation from others. When I tried leaving my job for another, I talked to anyone that would listen. Obsessing for weeks and weeks wondering if I was making the right choice, looking for someone to answer me. I could NOT think of anything else. I'm assuming this is ruminating? Now, most recently, I've been having awful intrusive thoughts. Every single night. Mostly about loved ones dying, and how will I go on. I work myself up, have anxiety attacks and cry. ...this makes sense as to why I feel the need to constantly clean or be doing something, so I don't have to think these thoughts. In my head if I can just make it to morning, nothing bad will happen during the day. I'm ferried my phone will go off at night with bad news. It's making it hard to sleep, I don't want to relax because my mind drifts to these intrusive thoughts. I don't know...no one had diagnosed me, but I feel like some signs are there. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy...and I'm so very tired of it.
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