- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Neighbour sounds like a barrel of laughs. It's an apartment building, that means thin walls, the only time you need to be mindful of noise is past noise-complaint hours, which is usually around 11pm. Other than that you should just get on with life as normal. You got used to your own neighbours making noise and don't make a fuss about it. The fact the neighbour wouldn't say if they'd done the note both demonstrates that yes they wrote the note and that they're passive aggressive and didn't expect to be confronted over it and do have to explain their expectations. You already feel guilt way more easily than the average person. Most people would go and ask what specific noises are an issue so they can be discussed, and if they refused to own up and say which noises are the problem, then it'd be a case of the note going in the bin. If people are going to get like that they'd better be prepared to speak up. It took me months of listening to my neighbour having very loud sex for hours in the middle of the night before I left a note. Short of that, I put up with whatever noise, esp during the day, because that's just the reality of living in an apartment building. You don't need everybody to like you, you don't need the approval of someone rude enough to leave an accusatory note about regular living noises and then refuse to speak up when asked about it. It's cowardly and selfish. Whether or not your OCD is coming into it, do not be on eggshells for a neighbour like that. You should only need to ask your husband once not to do evening hobbies if that's what he agreed to. If he's "forgetting" all the time, he's being a shitty partner and should disagree about it to your face and give his reasons why he doesn't think it's fair or reasonable instead of dicking around. Live normally in your own home. If they complain again, be less apologetic-grovelly and more assertive. Point out the times at which you hear them doing things. If you're just living a normal life making no more noise than your neighbours are or the average couple would, then you don't owe anyone an apology, certainly not hypocritical neighbours.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you Scoggy, these are some very valid points! I do think I tend to accept way more responsibility for other people's (unspoken) wishes than is healthy.
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm not sure whether this is ocd or not. I do think you should just go about your normal daily life In your own home, yes be respectful towards your neighbour , but like you say you here them all the time yet you havent spoke up about it. I think maybe your neighbour just needs to understand the flats have thin walls. I think maybe this is a confidence and you should not feel anxious in your own home to do normal everyday activities unless you are being inconsiderate then I dont see a problem If they complain again I suggest being more assertive and just say I dont do anything that would upset anyone the walls are just thin and explain you here them all the time and it's something you may both have to deal with.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you! Yes, it does seem unreasonable that I should have to be anxious all the time in my own home. I will try to relax more about it, while of course still being considerate.
- Date posted
- 5y
That's great, you sound like a really nice person and like you say you shouldnt need to tio toe around. As we speak my neighbours music is thudding through the wall but I really dont mind it's a nice day. I think you just unfortunately have a grumpy neighbour.
- Date posted
- 5y
:) This gave me some much needed perspective!
- Date posted
- 5y
@prim Ah I'm so pleased, take care ??
- Date posted
- 5y
The problem with OCD is the compulsive behaviors can manifest around very normal anxieties and concerns. However, I don't think anyone here can tell you whether OCD is rearing it's ugly head, only you can decide that and behave accordingly. It's also worth mentioning you might be seeking certainy about whether "this is OCD or not" which is itself assurance-seeking behavior. With that said, I would say try to act reasonably, according to how both you and your neighbor deserve to be treated. Consider your neighbour's and yours and behave accordingly, but no one needs to tiptoe through their daily life because of their neighbours. Tell your husband about what happened, but do not let your neighbours completely police you. OCD does not news to enter the picture and you do not need to know how much OCD is involved. I hope that helps.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for replying! I did tell my husband about what happened. I guess what I'm struggling with now is whether I'm being reasonable or just controlling when I ask him to do things quietly... I've asked him so many times now I think it might be turning into a compulsion. You're right in that I should use my own judgment though.
- Date posted
- 5y
A confidence issue *
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)
- Date posted
- 14w
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? the situation happened a day ago and it still bothers me Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone.
- Date posted
- 13w
So I’m new to this app and I knew there was something wrong w/ my brain for a few years now. I’m a professional volleyball player and was playing in France last year while in a long distance relationship. I would ruminate and think that one small thing was going to ruin my career every. Single. Day. And I have the fear that I NEEDED to end warm ups with a good hit or else I would play terribly. I had constant fears that my teammates don’t trust me and think I’m bad - when in reality and looking at the statistics I was one of the best players on the team - the fearful ruminating keeps me awake at night and it would get so bad that I would break into a rash on my neck. Lots of rashes from anxiety and over thinking :( My relationship was new but it was long distance. I never experienced this in my life: my mind became OBSESSED with the idea he might be ugly. I couldn’t stop thinking that he was ugly and feared that that meant I needed to break up with him and I felt like a terrible person constantly and the thought ate me alive - I was constantly googling about it to try and get some relief which I am now learning is seeking reassurance. I also have struggled with some forms of disordered eating for many years but it got so bad in France. I was binge eating a lot. I gained ten pounds in a month. I knew it and I felt it and I became OBSESSED with the idea that I’m so fat and a weak terrible person for not being able to control my binges. My therapist gave me some screener exams. I scored very highly on the anxiety test and the OCD test which blew my mind cuz I’ve never considered OCD in my whole life. I started taking Prozac which honestly I feel like saved my life. It’s been over 6 months since that point now and everything is so much more manageable. I’ve also recently learned that I may have autism as well. My brother has it and dad is convinced he has it but I was never diagnosed. I also learned I may have a bit of ADD as well recently. I’ve known I think differently for some time but this is just overwhelming and validating and confusing and a bit scary. My current obsession is worrying about my future career - I’m obsessed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so afraid of my making a lot of money in the future. I take aptitude tests all the time when I get anxiety or go on Reddit to hear about other people which makes me feel okay for a little but it always comes back. My head is spinning. I just want to enjoy being 24 and having an interesting career and trust that my life will be okay but I’m so convinced that I’m going to suffer immensely if I don’t start pursuing a high paying job immediately. Im a smart girl - graduated from UC Berkeley - have done tons of networking in different industries - I have a financial plan for the future for when I start a normal job - but I cant stop this cyclical torturous thinking that I’m going to be poor and suffer immensely I also learned a few years ago I have an anxious attachment style which I thought I worked through but in my new relationship I have strong feelings for him and I feel the intense fear abandonment coming up and I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin the relationship - I thought maybe I’m just someone who needs a lot of reassurance but if I have OCD maybe that will make it worse? Feeling like I need reassurance to regulate? I just would like some help - have you experienced this? Is this even OCD? Am I making things up for attention? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist.
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