- Username
- prim
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Neighbour sounds like a barrel of laughs. It's an apartment building, that means thin walls, the only time you need to be mindful of noise is past noise-complaint hours, which is usually around 11pm. Other than that you should just get on with life as normal. You got used to your own neighbours making noise and don't make a fuss about it. The fact the neighbour wouldn't say if they'd done the note both demonstrates that yes they wrote the note and that they're passive aggressive and didn't expect to be confronted over it and do have to explain their expectations. You already feel guilt way more easily than the average person. Most people would go and ask what specific noises are an issue so they can be discussed, and if they refused to own up and say which noises are the problem, then it'd be a case of the note going in the bin. If people are going to get like that they'd better be prepared to speak up. It took me months of listening to my neighbour having very loud sex for hours in the middle of the night before I left a note. Short of that, I put up with whatever noise, esp during the day, because that's just the reality of living in an apartment building. You don't need everybody to like you, you don't need the approval of someone rude enough to leave an accusatory note about regular living noises and then refuse to speak up when asked about it. It's cowardly and selfish. Whether or not your OCD is coming into it, do not be on eggshells for a neighbour like that. You should only need to ask your husband once not to do evening hobbies if that's what he agreed to. If he's "forgetting" all the time, he's being a shitty partner and should disagree about it to your face and give his reasons why he doesn't think it's fair or reasonable instead of dicking around. Live normally in your own home. If they complain again, be less apologetic-grovelly and more assertive. Point out the times at which you hear them doing things. If you're just living a normal life making no more noise than your neighbours are or the average couple would, then you don't owe anyone an apology, certainly not hypocritical neighbours.
Thank you Scoggy, these are some very valid points! I do think I tend to accept way more responsibility for other people's (unspoken) wishes than is healthy.
I'm not sure whether this is ocd or not. I do think you should just go about your normal daily life In your own home, yes be respectful towards your neighbour , but like you say you here them all the time yet you havent spoke up about it. I think maybe your neighbour just needs to understand the flats have thin walls. I think maybe this is a confidence and you should not feel anxious in your own home to do normal everyday activities unless you are being inconsiderate then I dont see a problem If they complain again I suggest being more assertive and just say I dont do anything that would upset anyone the walls are just thin and explain you here them all the time and it's something you may both have to deal with.
Thank you! Yes, it does seem unreasonable that I should have to be anxious all the time in my own home. I will try to relax more about it, while of course still being considerate.
That's great, you sound like a really nice person and like you say you shouldnt need to tio toe around. As we speak my neighbours music is thudding through the wall but I really dont mind it's a nice day. I think you just unfortunately have a grumpy neighbour.
:) This gave me some much needed perspective!
@prim Ah I'm so pleased, take care ??
The problem with OCD is the compulsive behaviors can manifest around very normal anxieties and concerns. However, I don't think anyone here can tell you whether OCD is rearing it's ugly head, only you can decide that and behave accordingly. It's also worth mentioning you might be seeking certainy about whether "this is OCD or not" which is itself assurance-seeking behavior. With that said, I would say try to act reasonably, according to how both you and your neighbor deserve to be treated. Consider your neighbour's and yours and behave accordingly, but no one needs to tiptoe through their daily life because of their neighbours. Tell your husband about what happened, but do not let your neighbours completely police you. OCD does not news to enter the picture and you do not need to know how much OCD is involved. I hope that helps.
Thank you for replying! I did tell my husband about what happened. I guess what I'm struggling with now is whether I'm being reasonable or just controlling when I ask him to do things quietly... I've asked him so many times now I think it might be turning into a compulsion. You're right in that I should use my own judgment though.
A confidence issue *
Hello fellow OCD sufferers. I signed the lease for a mid-century 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, attached garage flat today. It’s in an artsy part of the city and they’re newer so there has always been high demand. I originally applied in 2012, was put on the waiting list, and was finalllly chosen last week. It’s supposed to be an exciting time for me, but I am beyond stressed and scared. I am the absolute worst when it comes to uncertainty, which I understand is a common theme for many OCD folks. I am wondering, how do you think a person living with (mostly) Just Right OCD can better control the stress and anxiety brought on by overwhelming worry about things they don’t know for certain and cannot control? Do you know of any books, blogs, podcasts, etc. that would help me out? Thank you for your help! s
I'm trying hard not to ask for reassurance here, but I'm in need of some advice. I know that I've been diagnosed with OCD, and I'm fairly confident that I've dealt with it consistently over my life. The theme has changed over time, and my current theme is being concerned that I may have narcissistic personality disorder. While I know that this obsession with NPD is a product of OCD, I also can't help but feel that I match so many of the symptom critera that it may be something worth looking into and working on. As you might expect though, this is kind of a huge conundrum, because searching for an actual diagnosis or talking to a psychotherapist might make my OCD about the topic even worse, or even if I get through ERP and then look for a diagnosis, it may cause me to relapse. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do about this. Should I just live with the doubt forever? If I do, would I be putting others at risk? What if there are actual things I need to work on, and by not seeking NPD specific treatment, I'll never get better? Should I work through ERP first and only then start thinking about this stuff? Or should I just not seek these answers out period? Again, trying not to ask for reassurance. I guess I'm wondering what y'all would do if you were in this situation.
Was having an okay day today after a few rough ones with ROCD. My partner came to me today to show me houses that he likes in our area which are available for renting. Our apartment lease is up in June and he was talking, like he has been, about our next steps as a couple and how he’d prefer to rent a house together rather than to stay in the nice 2-bedroom apartment we now live in. His ideas became more detailed, how we’d rent for a few years and save before getting a mortgage and moving into a purchased house together. He’s very very into me and treats me so well. For example, I’ve recently come down with celiac disease and now we both have to live in a gluten-free household for life. I told him how sorry I am about this change and how unfair it is to him. He responds “I don’t care- I have you- and that’s all I care about” 🥲 I’m lucky to have someone who has pretty much committed to me for life and accepts me exactly how I am, and always supports me and helps me. The problem is I’m really struggling with ROCD and to feel at all in love with him. (The breakup urges have been brutal this week.) Anyhoo, back to today. I’m laying there listening to his thoughtful and sweet ideas about how we could make a nice property-that he has pictures of- even better for me (he knows I’m a perfectionist, and that I’m into clean lines, expensive-looking design, and am picky about hotels) and I’m trying to just get past the huge anxiety spike. I’m trying to get to the point where I can look at him without scrutinizing his appearance and can feel something besides distress when we’re spending time together. (Love would be nice . . . and new.) I think I am doing a few compulsions as I tend to have automatic thoughts where answers just pop into my head . . . either rating his appearance, if I want to lose him, if I could even bring myself to break his heart, if I’m staying to keep him from pain and am actually unhappy, if I could deal with him not being in my life; if I’d rather be alone, if I’m attracted. The answers go back and forth. I’ve always felt like there was some barrier between us and our connection, and I can’t break through it and fall for him. I know a lot of this screams textbook ROCD but it’s impossible to believe there isn’t truth to it to some degree. I’ve been getting so lost in trying to figure out if we’re actually a fit; if I could be happy for the rest of my life in this relationship. I know entertaining these questions is compulsive, and a horrible idea but I’m having trouble pulling back. As for another worry- I am in a nice apartment complex and a little over a year ago this place changed owners. The new owners are far more uptight and changed a lot of qualification policies. My income isn’t high enough to qualify for this place anymore, so if I move out I really can’t get back in. (I can renew my lease annually without an application or verifying proof of income, so, if I wanted, I could live in this complex forever- as long as I never leave.) I’m in ERP but am not doing the best job of keeping up with the exposures (partially due to being busy with everything happening with Christmas coming up, and partially due to fear). I know, it’s bad to not be doing ERP, and I blame nobody but myself, but motivation is not happening right now. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. =] Sorry for the novel. >_<
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