I saw a bug in the house, downstairs, today. Now I am scarred to go down because I am afraid if it lands on me. I don’t want a dead or alive bug on me. That’s my constant fear everyday, but now I have seen a bug.

Earlier I posted about trying to get back to sitting on my sofa without a blanket covering it. And I did it, but now my day has been ruined. I left for two seconds and my cat decided to sit there, so now it's not clean anymore. This is because sometimes she's had number two stuck to her and no longer trust that she's clean. It took so much for me to just do that and sit without a blanket and now I'm just so done. I'm also scared to walk anywhere in my house. We sometimes get slugs in our conservatory and I don't walk in there anymore because there can be slug slime trails (it's carpet). The thing is, my mum regularly goes in there, my dad too. And then they proceed to walk around the rest of the house without changing shoes or anything. I'm just panicking because I was having a good day and now I feel like I'm isolated to my bedroom.

I was home for a couple of weeks with my family and two days ago my sister found small blood stains in her bed in a separate room. Our exterminator came and looked hard. he did not find any bugs or other signs in her room or in mine. Despite this, he did believe that the stains were from bedbugs and treated her room. there were no visible signs of bed bugs other than a couple of blood stains on her bedsheets. Nobody has seen any bugs or gotten bit…. Yet. The exterminator said Its fine for me to go home normally, but if I’m worried to wash my clothes when I get home tonight. Our dryer is not very hot and given my previous trauma with bedbugs I am in a state of complete panic. I am no stranger to these as when I was in high school my dorm building had them. This dominated my every thought. I’d shake my clothes whenever i took them off, obsessively checking, feeling itchy/things crawling on me without existing avoid people in “that” part of the dorm and obsessing constantly. I never had them but it dominated my life for a long time. Now its back. I am freaking out. I had to pack my bag and leave that day. I got home, bagged the clothes i was wearing, put everything in the basement, took a shower then washed and dried all of my clothes. In my two days home, i barely slept the first night and today was better but im not doing anything tonight and im ruminating/obsessing heavily. Checking everything i can, feel itchy/something is crawling on me. It’s all i think about and given how long it can take for bbs to appear after introduction, I fear it will be until I have something more extreme/pressing to fixate on.

potential trigger warning cus insects and stuff (contamination ocd?) . Its summer in the UK, and theres a lot more bugs around. I dont dislike bugs, and if we're outside its whatever, but I realised i have huge fears when bugs are in my house. I keep getting images of fruit flies or other bugs bein at the bottom of my drink whenever i see one, or them flying into my eyes or mouth and how horrible that would feel. Ive realised i constantly feel on edge when theres insects. Its not debilitating and i can push past it pretty easily but I will stay stressed and anxious until i forget about them or go somewhere else. I also sometimes search rooms for bugs kindof subconciously? like when I enter a room - especially the bathroom cus you feel more vulnerable and all that in there - im always looking around, checking walls and the ceilings and looking to see if the window was left open and bugs mightve gotten in. Dead insects also make me feel really guilty. I remember as a kid i used to litterally break into sobbing tears when my dad would kill a fly, and although I dont cry anymore I feel just as bad whenever I see a insect dead in the bathtub or sink (where they often get stuck cus slippery surface + water) Does anyone know how to lessen my fears around bugs and the guilt? Im not scared of the bugs themselves at all. I love bugs, i find moths and ladybugs and spiders really cute but its just the "what if they get in my eye" and "what if i kill them" that repeats in my head whenever im around one.