I'm afraid that I'm a racist all over again because of the fact that I was on Indeed applying for jobs and housekeeping came up. I applied for it. But then my brain went this job is for Hispanics. That is a stereotype and harmful. I hate my brain. Now I'm afraid beforehand that the reason I didn't apply for housekeeping jobs is because I'm racist. :(

I was a resident advisor in college (just graduated in May!) and I’m black, I did a series on Microagressions. Microagressions are “defined as brief and common daily verbal, behavioral, and environmental communications, whether intentional or unintentional, that transmit hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to a target person because they belong to a stigmatized group.” Sometimes you can’t see or recognize a bias. Our media is inherently racist. I had a asian friend ask me, “why do all black people sing with soul?” And she blinked at me not knowing what she said was racist. She believed this based on what she saw in the media. How is that supported? Black RnB singers, Black Gospel Choirs, and Beyoncé. This belief was subtly pushed. Our media they’ve vilified and made certain jobs and actions belong to a certain group. It’s not your fault because that’s what we’ve all consumed. Your subconscious may have learned this but your conscious mind knows that’s not a correct thing to think. What you can praise is that you recognized this as a stereotype and harmful. You didn’t play into it. It’s scary but we’re all bias and our goal is to unlearn it. The fact you can see this as wrong and working to change, you can feel good about it.

i read something once that stated “what you think first is what you’ve been conditioned to think, your thoughts after define who you are”

We're conditioned into those thoughts and stereotypes. Your immediate thought about something says very little about you, noticing it and not doing any harmful behaviour based on it says lots- that you care enough to notice, and you prioritise doing the right thing over the discomfort of the topic. As anonymous said, you didn't do any microaggressions and even if you had, if you noticed it and apologised and made a note to be more mindful, then you're doing as much as anyone can expect of you. Systemic change can stop this from being so pervasive for future generations. As for the OCD suggesting that you haven't applied for those jobs in the past due to the association with Hispanics- you can only give it a maybe. It could be that you hadn't considered cleaning jobs as a prospect, or didn't think they'd hire you, or that it felt low status, all sorts. It's probably some combination. We probably all behave based on unconscious conditioning all of the time, it's not our fault and also isn't something we can change until it comes into our awareness for some reason. So let what it's telling you be just another thought. It might make you a little uncomfortable but you don't need to investigate it.

Thank you guys. I'm trying to be better and educate myself everyday. Especially with the Black Lives Matter movement being so important.