- Username
- IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You're asking for reassurance. Which I don't want to provide you because it wont help. But from what I can read, and this is me restating actual facts of what you've just said. You liked someone in your teenage years, and you made a mutual agreement to wait until she is 18 for an actual relationship. You clearly did not want to have any relations with her when she wasn't of legal age. You clearly were mature enough to agree with her that you wouldn't have a relationship until 18+ which suggests your intentions were not to manipulate, cause harm to someone underage or put them in an uncomfortable position. OCD will grasp onto anything, any memory or even to try and prove its false arguments.
I would have never caused harm to her or manipulate her. I'm really not like that. I always had crushes on girls my age or older, but she was the first one that I had a crush on who was younger than me. I did not think of doing something sexual to her or anything like that. I just liked talking to her. Is this not a sign that I actually turn into a pedophile or some other kind of monster?? It's terryfing thinking about it.
@bm99 You're looking for reassurance and it wont help but I just repeated everything you said in your post. Maybe think of it like this, if a friend or someone told you all this, would you be as harsh on them as you are on yourself? Given everything you've just stated.
MJocd, nice job identifying this as a reassurance seeking question. However, you responded with reassurance anyways. Let's figure out a different way to respond that is more effective and helpful
@No_brainier99 Thanks ? keep in mind, you have reassurance too. Are you up for learning more effective skills to support people?
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Oops, you *gave* reassurance, not have reassurance
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes, I agree. I tried my best. Maybe I'm too used to reassuring myself. And yes, love you Katie. The things you say have helped me so much, they're burnt into my brain xx
@No_brainier99 Ok, here's two resources that ive posted here before. Unfortunately the easiest way for me to link them to you is to send you to where I posted the same content on my Instagram. Here's a post about the acronym HELPFUL and how it can remind you what you can say https://www.instagram.com/p/CB8mnY4D5Mk/?igshid=an15v0yghky4 . Here's one about how to give encouragement instead of reassurance https://www.instagram.com/p/B_NntHvjMKn/?igshid=15kyncaqtds5b I think you just had a major insight about reassuring other people in order to reassure yourself. Often we are drawn to conversations with people with similar fears because it lets us tell other people the things we wish we could say to ourselves. Also, when we empathize to closely with someone else's pain and it causes pain in ourselves, we end up motivated to act in ways that decrease our own distress, rather than acting in ways that actually help the other person
Hey hello! First thing u need to know is you are not the scary monster your mind tell you... If u dont accept the thoughts as thoughts and give meaning to them, you are just going to be more anxious and giving yourself more reasons to believe thoughts.. another tip is dont fighting with it... If it tells you you are a pedophile because of this thing let it be in your mind because you are not your thoughts
But what if I accept it and it turns out to be true? Then I really need help.. The thing is that I actually liked her, so it's not only thoughts. I actually liked her because she was nice and pretty. Is this not a sign of a pedophile??
@bm99 The thing that you liked her has to do nothing with it... I love a girl and im 16-17 !! You are having the thoughts because you are scared of it being true.. tell your self it can be true because acceptance is the best type of exposure!!! Stay strong in hard times bro you will get through this
SilverArman, I see that you want to help bm99 feel better right now. Unfortunately, by saying "oh no, you're not a pedophile" you're providing reassurance. As you can see, reassurance isn't even helping bm99 feel better right now. Are you open to looking at some resources for more effective ways to respond?
@NOCD Advocate - Katie I wasnt trying to give reassurance when i said the first line i was trying to say "the thing that you liked her has nothing to do with your anxiety" because it helped me to know the theme doesnt matter at the end of the day its ocd that is making us anxious... l would love to see some resources for more effective ways!! Sry if i did anything hurtful
@SilverArman No need to apologize. We're all learning every day. I posted the links to resources higher up in the conversation with no_brainier99 and MJocd
None of us can tell you whether or not you're a pedophile- both because we aren't in your brain and body, so we can't fully know your experience, and because providing reassurance will make your distress worse in the long term. I can tell you're seeking reassurance for a few reasons. First, you've asked this question before. Second, you're asking an unanswerable question. Third, you're asking hoping to hear a specific answer that will relieve your distress. Fourth, you're arguing with people's responses and insisting they reexplain what they said. To short circuit the OCD cycle, you need to accept the uncertainty, resist comoulsions, and sit with the discomfort until it falls naturally. An acceptance statement you could use to block compulsions is "I liked a girl who was younger than me. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn't. Trying to figure out whether or not I'm a pedophile is harming me, so I'm going to do something else, like listen to my favorite music"
Yes but what if I don't have OCD and I'm actually a monster? Then I'm a danger and should be locked up. How do I know for sure that it's OCD fucking with me? If I know for sure, than I can move on. Is this also reassurance?
@bm99 Then you're a monster who deeply values not hurting other people and will work really hard to live up to your values. Certainty is an illusion. The feeling of "knowing for sure" that it's OCD will not last long. You don't need to be 100 percent sure it's OCD to decide to respond as if it's ocd. You can choose to act like it's OCD if you're just .5% convinced it's OCD
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Think about it like saving for retirement. I put money into my retirement account every single paycheck. It's possible I'll die tommorow, in ten years, or even the very day before I retire. I might be saving money for a retirement I'll never have. But I act as if I'll be alive when I'm 70 and save that money anyway
@No_brainier99 What? Why have you replied this way to this post? What do you mean you got locked up for your thoughts?
@No_brainier99 What happened? And yes, this is why its important to make sure your therapist specialises in OCD
@No_brainier99 No_brainier, I appreciate what a tough situation you're in. You've been treated poorly, and that was and is wrong. It's normal that you want to vent. You deserve a place to do that. I just ask that you don't vent in a way that increases other people's hesitation to get treatment themselves. It's important that as a community we encourage each other to engage with professional supports.
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER When I was younger (like 17/18) I met a girl who went to the same school as me and lived in the same town. She was younger than me. (like 14). I was so stupid to talk to her and become friends with her. I thought she was cute and all. She also liked me (which was very wrong) and right now (a couple years later) I'm ruminating on it. I have the fear of becoming a pedophile and I'm so scared this means that I become one. I used to chat with her, and one time when I drank too much, I told her that she was pretty and stuff. I've so much guilt around it and I feel so freaking bad. Is it normal if I liked a girl around her age that time? I'm so scared because of this, I'll have to go to jail??! I NEVER intended on more than that, she was just cute and nothing more.
Is this sexual abuse ? I was on YouTube and I saw a 14 year old on the thumbnail of the video . I was like “oh he’s cute “ . I had watched the video before and they said he’s 14 and I had a thought , “wait isn’t he 14 “ while also just looking at him and finding him cute. Then after that I was like wait is he actually 14, watched the video and it turns out he actually was . So then I closed it and panicked. So now I feel like a gross pedo sexual abuser even if I didn’t find him cute after looking at him properly . I’m 17 idk if it’s relevant . I went on stopitnow.org and they said it’s sexual abuse to find someone 3 years younger attractive ? Can someone please help I’m freaking the fuck out .
So back then when I was 18 I went to Mexico the month after my birthday and I met this dude there who was 14 but turned 15 that same month and we had a thing for a eachother and he did look older and was much taller than me and seemed mature. But now I’m so worried why did I like him or talk to him that way back then. I am now 20 and he’s 17 and I haven’t talked to him at all because I’m in a loving healthy relationship with my bf who is 27. I have a fear of being a pedo and I’m so scared that what happened back then makes me a pedo :((
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