Please respond. I'm freaking out again of me being a pedophile. I liked someone who is 4 or 5 years younger than me. By the time i was 18, she was 14. I don't know why I liked her. She was just very nice and pretty. Does this make me a pedophile? She also likes me but luckily, it never went to a relationship. We spoke about it and we agreed upon the fact that we wait when she turns 18. I really doubt if I liked her because of her potential to become a pretty lady, or that I'm actually attracted to children...

I would have never caused harm to her or manipulate her. I'm really not like that. I always had crushes on girls my age or older, but she was the first one that I had a crush on who was younger than me. I did not think of doing something sexual to her or anything like that. I just liked talking to her. Is this not a sign that I actually turn into a pedophile or some other kind of monster?? It's terryfing thinking about it.

@bm99 You're looking for reassurance and it wont help but I just repeated everything you said in your post. Maybe think of it like this, if a friend or someone told you all this, would you be as harsh on them as you are on yourself? Given everything you've just stated.

MJocd, nice job identifying this as a reassurance seeking question. However, you responded with reassurance anyways. Let's figure out a different way to respond that is more effective and helpful

@No_brainier99 Thanks ? keep in mind, you have reassurance too. Are you up for learning more effective skills to support people?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Oops, you *gave* reassurance, not have reassurance

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes, I agree. I tried my best. Maybe I'm too used to reassuring myself. And yes, love you Katie. The things you say have helped me so much, they're burnt into my brain xx

@No_brainier99 Ok, here's two resources that ive posted here before. Unfortunately the easiest way for me to link them to you is to send you to where I posted the same content on my Instagram. Here's a post about the acronym HELPFUL and how it can remind you what you can say https://www.instagram.com/p/CB8mnY4D5Mk/?igshid=an15v0yghky4 . Here's one about how to give encouragement instead of reassurance https://www.instagram.com/p/B_NntHvjMKn/?igshid=15kyncaqtds5b I think you just had a major insight about reassuring other people in order to reassure yourself. Often we are drawn to conversations with people with similar fears because it lets us tell other people the things we wish we could say to ourselves. Also, when we empathize to closely with someone else's pain and it causes pain in ourselves, we end up motivated to act in ways that decrease our own distress, rather than acting in ways that actually help the other person

But what if I accept it and it turns out to be true? Then I really need help.. The thing is that I actually liked her, so it's not only thoughts. I actually liked her because she was nice and pretty. Is this not a sign of a pedophile??

@bm99 The thing that you liked her has to do nothing with it... I love a girl and im 16-17 !! You are having the thoughts because you are scared of it being true.. tell your self it can be true because acceptance is the best type of exposure!!! Stay strong in hard times bro you will get through this

SilverArman, I see that you want to help bm99 feel better right now. Unfortunately, by saying "oh no, you're not a pedophile" you're providing reassurance. As you can see, reassurance isn't even helping bm99 feel better right now. Are you open to looking at some resources for more effective ways to respond?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I wasnt trying to give reassurance when i said the first line i was trying to say "the thing that you liked her has nothing to do with your anxiety" because it helped me to know the theme doesnt matter at the end of the day its ocd that is making us anxious... l would love to see some resources for more effective ways!! Sry if i did anything hurtful

@SilverArman No need to apologize. We're all learning every day. I posted the links to resources higher up in the conversation with no_brainier99 and MJocd

Yes but what if I don't have OCD and I'm actually a monster? Then I'm a danger and should be locked up. How do I know for sure that it's OCD fucking with me? If I know for sure, than I can move on. Is this also reassurance?

@bm99 Then you're a monster who deeply values not hurting other people and will work really hard to live up to your values. Certainty is an illusion. The feeling of "knowing for sure" that it's OCD will not last long. You don't need to be 100 percent sure it's OCD to decide to respond as if it's ocd. You can choose to act like it's OCD if you're just .5% convinced it's OCD

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Think about it like saving for retirement. I put money into my retirement account every single paycheck. It's possible I'll die tommorow, in ten years, or even the very day before I retire. I might be saving money for a retirement I'll never have. But I act as if I'll be alive when I'm 70 and save that money anyway

@No_brainier99 What? Why have you replied this way to this post? What do you mean you got locked up for your thoughts?

@No_brainier99 What happened? And yes, this is why its important to make sure your therapist specialises in OCD

@No_brainier99 No_brainier, I appreciate what a tough situation you're in. You've been treated poorly, and that was and is wrong. It's normal that you want to vent. You deserve a place to do that. I just ask that you don't vent in a way that increases other people's hesitation to get treatment themselves. It's important that as a community we encourage each other to engage with professional supports.