- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I get you, I always feel in denial even though I know that I’m straight and want to be married to a man, it’s like it won’t accept who I am, it wants me to always think I absolutely need to be someone I don’t want to be because of minor things it latches onto as ‘proof’ of me being gay, such as liking the prettier dolls in a shop or admiring the way a girl looks, even though there’s so many reasons as to why I’m straight (having a boyfriend I’m attracted to being one of them ?) it still won’t accept it and still makes me think I’m in denial, it’s mental, literally
- Date posted
- 5y
So it is the ocd Because every time I talk to myself saying that I’m straight and I know I am I’ve only been with women in my life I’ve had crushes on women but now when these thoughts pop I know they don’t defy who I am me or like when I say that I’m straight now it’s starting to feel weird and that’s what scares me because I know that I am straight but my mind is telling me otherwise therefore I feel like I’m doubting myself and I search Google every single day and I guess that’s another form of compulsiveness and To be reinsured about myself but that drives me nuts because I know what I am and what I want I know who I am but my mind is going everywhere that’s the part that scares me the most that I lost
- Date posted
- 5y
I still have faith but at the same time it’s troubling And it’s only really bad when I try to sleep because my intrusive thoughts manifests itself in my dreams and I wake up with panic attacks
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- 5y
Like I want to have a women I can call a wife with children a good job you know hell writing this makes me emotional I hate this feeling I wish my life came back to normal I wish my ex girlfriend never left me this sucks
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- 5y
You should be thankful you had a girlfriend before ocd. I never got the chance to pursue a girl properly and now this ocd is making my life a living hell.?????????
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- 5y
Is this the ocd doing this ???
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- 5y
All I know is that HOCD is also defined as the doubt disease I know it’s mental it’s not real but it’s annoying scary and I hate it don’t like the feeling it’s not me it doesn’t feel like me I wish my life would go back to normal like it did a month ago before all of this hit
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- 5y
Accept the thoughts and do erp, if u do this good without reassurance then it will be over in 2-20 weeks I think. I depends on your mental strength ??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Usually my thoughts go from statements, which I fight all the time, to doubts like “do I” or “i don’t know” but I don’t fight this. I’m not sure if this is progress or it’s the truth. Anyone else feel like this?
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 10w
Hello, so I’ve been struggling really badly with so-ocd where I am worried that I’m not actually straight when that’s what I’ve always thought and wanted to be. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now, he’s my first boyfriend and I really love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I remember one time, before I had struggles with so-ocd, I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I’m missing out on other men by staying with him’ and it didn’t really cause any anxiety but I felt quite guilty for thinking that. But I moved on. However, right now I’m in the depths of so-ocd it started back in March I believe, and today I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I never get the opportunity to try being with a woman because I’m in a relationship with a man’ and that has really set me off today. I’ve had a meltdown over it, my chest feels heavy and it felt so real like I actually wanted it and I had a feeling of wanting to be gay even though that’s not what I want in life. Why is this happening to me and I feel so horrible for thinking this like it felt like it was me and not the ocd and that I’m just lying to myself and my boyfriend. I’ve tried scrolling on here to see if anyone has had a similar thought or experience and I am aware that this is reassurance seeking but I just need someone to tell me that I’m okay
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