Why do I feel doubtful like if I get intrusive thoughts it bothers me but when I say like my thoughts don’t defy me and I know I’m straight I get like a weird panic attack and feel doubtful even writing this makes me feel doubtful but I know what I am and I know what I want and know who I want to be with now I feel doubtful but I don’t like this feeling it makes me sad can anyone relate ???

I get you, I always feel in denial even though I know that I’m straight and want to be married to a man, it’s like it won’t accept who I am, it wants me to always think I absolutely need to be someone I don’t want to be because of minor things it latches onto as ‘proof’ of me being gay, such as liking the prettier dolls in a shop or admiring the way a girl looks, even though there’s so many reasons as to why I’m straight (having a boyfriend I’m attracted to being one of them ?) it still won’t accept it and still makes me think I’m in denial, it’s mental, literally

So it is the ocd Because every time I talk to myself saying that I’m straight and I know I am I’ve only been with women in my life I’ve had crushes on women but now when these thoughts pop I know they don’t defy who I am me or like when I say that I’m straight now it’s starting to feel weird and that’s what scares me because I know that I am straight but my mind is telling me otherwise therefore I feel like I’m doubting myself and I search Google every single day and I guess that’s another form of compulsiveness and To be reinsured about myself but that drives me nuts because I know what I am and what I want I know who I am but my mind is going everywhere that’s the part that scares me the most that I lost

I still have faith but at the same time it’s troubling And it’s only really bad when I try to sleep because my intrusive thoughts manifests itself in my dreams and I wake up with panic attacks

Like I want to have a women I can call a wife with children a good job you know hell writing this makes me emotional I hate this feeling I wish my life came back to normal I wish my ex girlfriend never left me this sucks

You should be thankful you had a girlfriend before ocd. I never got the chance to pursue a girl properly and now this ocd is making my life a living hell.?????????

Is this the ocd doing this ???

All I know is that HOCD is also defined as the doubt disease I know it’s mental it’s not real but it’s annoying scary and I hate it don’t like the feeling it’s not me it doesn’t feel like me I wish my life would go back to normal like it did a month ago before all of this hit