Hey guys so I had harm ocd for the first time back in 2017 and it lasted till 2019. It was absolute torture. It was so bad I couldn’t stop crying I thought I was going insane. The therapist was trash and just wanted to throw me on meds but I don’t want any meds. The therapist didn’t even specialize in OCD. Somehow it went away and I’m been living a happy life for 9 months till it somehow came back. While I was good I would think about it and be like wow I’m really cured, but it’s back and it’s haunting me and bringing past memories and haunting me back how I used to felt. Now I’m convinced this is gonna stay for years and not go away and I’m gonna end up killing my family on their sleep. Suddenly become violent and listen to the urges. It’s so bad. I just want peace and live life like everyone else. But I can’t anymore. What am I gonna do. I can’t live my 20s peacefully anymore.

Hey guys I’d love your opinion on some stuff! I’ve had my first instrusive thought about being depressed/suicidal on September 13th 2017. I got intrusive thoughts where I had depression and thought I was gonna end up killing myslef to a point where I really convinced myself I was depressed and would constantly look up depression symptoms. Then it somehow became into thoughts being bisexual cause I thought a girl was super super super pretty which was October 28th, 2017 but this spiraled into Harm/killer OCD thoughts after watching a violent scene in the movies and thought I enjoyed it and it’s been torture for me ever since. A year later here I am. Harm OCD has prolly been the hardest! At first I was so bad when I was scared to talk to people and felt guilty becoming friends with them Because they’re Talking to a serial killer. Some days are good. Some days are terrible. I can’t stay out too long and feel anxious going to places sometimes because it might spike my killer thoughts again. If I was able to survive a year without meds do you guys think I’ll be able to get rid of this killer thoughts without meds? I’m convinced where therapy won’t ever help me... and I gonna suffer like This forever. I have health insurance and I don’t know where to start and who to go to.

Hi y'all! It's been a month or so since I have been on here and I have been doing much better with my Harm OCD. Unfortunately, as my hormones fluctuate and I have more free time on my hands, my mind gets the best of me. Over the last couple of days, my harm thoughts have come back strong and I was broken down in tears earlier. Then, in that moment it was like my OCD was trying to convince me that the only way to make it go away is to harm my family and myself. It made me question myself even more. I have been terrified for months now that I would harm my family. Now that I am feeling stronger, the OCD has me convinced that the only way out is to do the exact thing that I do NOT want to do. Has anyone else struggled with this? OCD is the worst.

It’s amazing how powerful OCD is, I went through the worst Mental Health experience of my entire life last year. I thought my life was over, that I was insane, and was convinced 100% I had schizophrenia. My brain was mimicking every symptom. It was terrifying. After starting OCD therapy and ERP. My life changed forever. I was actually mental stable for once. I felt happy and controlled for once. Now Schiz OCD is back , and it seems worse then before. I can’t sleep, eat, work, or even socialize. I constantly feel insane. My two biggest themes are Harm OCD and Schiz OCD. And these themes work together to cause me constant anxiety. It’s hell. I can’t even think straight. I’m currently dealing with DP/DR, command thoughts/voice, internal voices/thoughts that I can make not sound like me or my inner monologue, “What if” delusional thoughts,hyperviligance,checking if I hear or see anything externally(auditory and visual hallucinations) and many more. I question my insight constantly. I even went to the hospital the other day to get evaluated and make sure I don’t have psychosis. Everything I fear the most seems to be coming true. Constantly asking my parents and therapist/professionals if I have schizophrenia. Constantly looking for reassurance. Feels as if I’m thinking my way into psychosis and schizophrenia. OCD knows exactly what you fear and will try to one up you on anything. OCD will CONVINCE you everything that’s happening to you is true , all your biggest fears. OCD is trying to find new things to keep you stuck and hold you in fear. This experience has been horrible and I am convinced I’m going insane. But I’ve been through this once and I’m going to get through this again. STAY STRONG. Reach out to professionals, Resist compulsions, step into the fear, and relax a little bit. You’re not alone.