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- 4y
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- 4y
I can really relate to you as I am 27 years old and struggle with real ocd mixed with PTSD. This pandemic has made everything so difficult. After college I moved back in with my parents and then lived abroad in Dubai for a year. I have a narcissistic father who is emotionally abusive (once physically abusive to me) and toxic dynamics between my parents and grandma. I have been drinking more in this pandemic because I’m just so fed up being at home. I work from home now but it’s really getting to me mentally. Just know that you aren’t alone ❤️
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- 4y
That sounds freaking rough too, good Lord. I know this is messed up in it's own way, but I'm glad that we all have this app. OCD, pandemics, and issues with living circumstances can feel isolating and knowing you guys are out there makes me feel more determined to keep whoopin' butt. The app is a Godsend and you guys sharing is moreso.
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- 4y
@Anonymous I am also on the BetterHelp app for therapy. My therapist isn’t an ocd specialist (I had one since I was 14 but she’s way too expensive) and the one I have now was a psych professor and specializes in PTSD. I always have fear of my past coming to haunt me or have random fears like “what if this person secretly recorded me during sex?” (I tried a sugar baby website when I was 23 and just got exploited by 40 year old men and not paid, so I got trauma from that) so I would compulsively check porn sites to make sure my reputation is still fine and I was not secretly recorded. A friend told me alot of girls were doing it and I was in major debt and wanted to get out of my abusive toxic household. So being single and young I said why not. Now I have agoraphobia in my own city (NYC) My narcissistic ex in Dubai (who I found out in the end is married with 2 kids and 43 years old not 33 like he said) would bring up my past and say “how could I marry you”, so it triggered my ocd really bad and I started to check the internet. Now I fear no guy will want me or they will judge me. That’s just an example of what I deal with. But I’ve been learning to sit with the uncertainty of life and exposing myself. I’m hoping to one day go back to dating without fear of rejection after I take the time to work on myself. Sorry for the rant, but you are not alone at all. This app has really helped me a lot.
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- 4y
@Anxiousgirl I appreciate the rant; it feels good to see real conversation. And I'm also excited to have less fear. My biggest hope with relationship fear is that I can have that fear and not feel the need to push it away and to have it be less crippling. And goodness. The factors thrown in there sound roooooough, amiga. Good on you for sharing with everyone and I'm wishing you mondo luck from the states. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
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- 4y
@Anxiousgirl Awesome! And yeah, I've looked for support groups a bit and will be asking my therapist for any recommendations/leads she has on that. It'll be great when those groups'll be in person, but I'm fine getting digital suggestions from her too.
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@Anonymous Was that you i just added on IG? If so, nice to meet u! Yeah, I’m sure there’s groups over zoom right now. I would definitely ask or google.
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Thanks so much for sharing, it really does feel good to not be alone and I hope this app and the methods help us to feel more hopeful and see improvements 🙏💕
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@Anonymous i agree I'm glad you guys commented it feels good to know people wanted to respond and have seen improvements this is helping me feel connected
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@Anxiousgirl Yep, I added you afterwards!
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Dude, that sounds rough. My words of hope would be that ocd's, living circumstances and other complications have been rough as hell on me, and after just the orientation meeting and first education session, I feel much more eager and motivated. You're circumstances seem really tough and I can't say they're exactly the same. What I can say is that my own left me feeling hopeless and I know see this working out. Also, chat in app! It feels good to not be alone when dealing with the shame and fear of intrusive thoughts.
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- 4y
Thanks for the words of encouragement 🙏 it helps :)
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- 4y
Also fyi I plan on never smoking weed again after how horrible this past experience was.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this
- Date posted
- 23w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
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- 19w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
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