- Username
- sophie02
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I see you. You sound incredibly lonely and frustrated. You are right though in that you can use this as a place to rant, and we are here to listen. Also you have my insta. :) Ocd can be so isolating. Along the way I’ve found friends who struggle with mental health problems who I can talk with, but none of them have ocd specifically. They don’t “get it” exactly but they also know what mental illness is like and are able to listen to me open up about it. My family definitely didn’t get it when I first started having ocd, but they’re getting better with time. My mom still makes “I’m so ocd haha” jokes. Idk where I’m going with this really but I guess things do get better, life is constantly changing and sometimes good things do happen. You’ll learn to manage your health, life will keep going, and who knows, you might make some friends who “get it” along the way.
Thank you I really needed to hear this. It really helps to know I’m not alone and it gets better💕
@sophie02 ❤️ hang in there. You’ve got this!
you have the right to be angry the nonstop bully in your head would make anyone angry, hang in there, youre not alone and i hope you have less suffering in the future 🙏
Thank you so much ❤️
Anxiety and OCD can present as anger. I most certainly experience this, rather than the "typical" anxious symptoms, the angry stuff will start. I believe my therapist gave me this insight or upon my one research into OCD I found this information. It was beneficial to me to finally understand that and when I get angry now, for the most part I try to pay attention and pause, ask myself, "ok so I haven't been this angry in a long time at this type of situation, is there a deeper emotion here? What's going on? Deep breath. Ok, ok I'm probably anxious about something..." Then I do what my therapist has told me to progress through it. OCD sucks because you're always feeling so many intense emotions and then intense doubts. I get angry and frustrated because I know if I didn't have this thing, things would be a lot easier. I hear you and see you.
Thank you so much I never thought about it this way. This was so so helpful I really appreciate it❤️ we will get through this together!
@sophie02 You're very welcome, I am so glad you found my words helpful! You'll get through this! I read somewhere , "We can do hard things" so I also say to myself all the time now, " I can do hard things". Which for anyone with OCD we have it a little extra hard than the rest, so we can do hard things and YOU can do hard things! You got this!
@AMP2 Thank you!! We can do hard things:)
*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.
I feel like my thoughts have been getting worse and I ruminate a lot. This morning I told myself I wasn’t going to let the thoughts get to me but it’s hard. Than the anxiety kicks in and my heart starts racing so fast and I just have these intrusive thoughts. And I don’t want to do the things I normally do to feel better but I feel like I don’t do my compulsion I will end up doing what my intrusive thoughts are and it scares me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so scared. I want to get out of this cycle but I lack discipline and strength. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this. I want to get better but I can’t seem to ignore the thoughts or the feelings. I wish I could be like some of the people on here who can discipline and know thoughts are thoughts. I’m just so weak minded. It’s so hard, I want my life back before I had all these disgusting thoughts. I want me back and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m scared that erp won’t work for me. I’m just so pessimistic. I’m scared of doing erp and coming out of it realizing I am those things. Everyday I wake up it’s like I’m trying to survive. I worry about when night comes and what will happen if I sleep and if I’ll be able to get sleep. I worry about waking and waking up to me checking to make sure everyone in my house is okay. To make sure I didn’t do thoughts that I had about my family members. I feel guilty being around my family members because of the thoughts I have about them. I’m afraid of being alone with them for too long because I’m scared that the anxiety will get to me and I’ll do something disgusting. I just don’t understand why this happened to me and why I have to suffer. Everyday is a constant battle. I just want to give up or just move away. Maybe even get up start a new life where I just live alone and don’t hurt nobody. This is so hard and I hate it so much. If you read my rant, thank you💗.
I honestly do not know how to get through or do better anymore. I’m really hoping therapy will help, I hope ERP will help, but I’ve been so bad off for a while and it’s only getting worse. I hoped I could be okay during this weekend with my brother’s wedding and all, but having it in Vegas and and all kinds of things around me that were new and/or not my speed just wrecked me. I have snapped and I feel like im just lost. All the time. I ruined Thursday night when my brother and I had a fight. It’s okay now but I still feel the guilt (and ruminate on the whole thing). My friend that came with me is really worried about me because she feels like im getting more and more self destructive and when I told her about how bad the thoughts in my head were she was like “holy shit I love you and I’m here for you and I want so bad for you to get help cuz it’s scaring me how bad off you are.” But I don’t know if anything will help. For so long I was okay and I was going forward and I felt like I had a handle on myself and my mental health and instead I’ve backslid into this disastrous cycle of thoughts and like even through it could be just ocd talking (I mean the amount of doubt if I really have it or not is high) or if it really is all my fault. I don’t know. I don’t even know what shouting into the void will do. But im slowly feeling like I can’t function and im scared of going back to work Tuesday and I’m scared of trying to take care of myself even though im so tired of always feeling like everything is my fault and that I can’t do anything right and that if I do try to express myself I can’t do it correctly anyway so why bother. I’m just so tired. I was doing so well for a bit and now im just tired. Like I said. I don’t know if talking into the void of this app will help. I don’t know if anything will. But honestly it can’t hurt anymore than it does not trying *something* and I am so tired of how much I hate myself and my mind and my lack of function. I guess im just shouting into the void. Thank you for reading if you did and no worries if not.
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