- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I see you. You sound incredibly lonely and frustrated. You are right though in that you can use this as a place to rant, and we are here to listen. Also you have my insta. :) Ocd can be so isolating. Along the way I’ve found friends who struggle with mental health problems who I can talk with, but none of them have ocd specifically. They don’t “get it” exactly but they also know what mental illness is like and are able to listen to me open up about it. My family definitely didn’t get it when I first started having ocd, but they’re getting better with time. My mom still makes “I’m so ocd haha” jokes. Idk where I’m going with this really but I guess things do get better, life is constantly changing and sometimes good things do happen. You’ll learn to manage your health, life will keep going, and who knows, you might make some friends who “get it” along the way.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you I really needed to hear this. It really helps to know I’m not alone and it gets better💕
- Date posted
- 4y
@sophie02 ❤️ hang in there. You’ve got this!
- Date posted
- 4y
you have the right to be angry the nonstop bully in your head would make anyone angry, hang in there, youre not alone and i hope you have less suffering in the future 🙏
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
Anxiety and OCD can present as anger. I most certainly experience this, rather than the "typical" anxious symptoms, the angry stuff will start. I believe my therapist gave me this insight or upon my one research into OCD I found this information. It was beneficial to me to finally understand that and when I get angry now, for the most part I try to pay attention and pause, ask myself, "ok so I haven't been this angry in a long time at this type of situation, is there a deeper emotion here? What's going on? Deep breath. Ok, ok I'm probably anxious about something..." Then I do what my therapist has told me to progress through it. OCD sucks because you're always feeling so many intense emotions and then intense doubts. I get angry and frustrated because I know if I didn't have this thing, things would be a lot easier. I hear you and see you.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much I never thought about it this way. This was so so helpful I really appreciate it❤️ we will get through this together!
- Date posted
- 4y
@sophie02 You're very welcome, I am so glad you found my words helpful! You'll get through this! I read somewhere , "We can do hard things" so I also say to myself all the time now, " I can do hard things". Which for anyone with OCD we have it a little extra hard than the rest, so we can do hard things and YOU can do hard things! You got this!
- Date posted
- 4y
@AMP2 Thank you!! We can do hard things:)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍
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- Date posted
- 20w
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
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