- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Girl... break ups are THE WORST. I know exactly how you feel. But here’s the thing. 1. If she wasn’t there for you through your worst times then she clearly wasn’t the one for you. 2. You have got to learn how to empower yourself. This took me a year and a half before I finally figured out, hey I’m actually not garbage. 3. She is not the only one out there. Sometimes we feel such a connection to someone, and it’s great, but it doesn’t always work out. That just means that there is someone way better for you out there who will love and support you through all your seasons of life. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to respect yourself. If you are feeling suicidal please reach out to a hotline or go to your local ER. I say it’s time to whip out a good ol’ tub of Ben and Jerry’s and watch whatever makes you feel better! We love you queen, keep your head up!!!!!
- Date posted
- 5y
Eheh! Thank you! Your message made me smile. Specially the last phrase. It made my day... Really, thank you. I've did a few things in our relationship that I regret. There wasn't physical or emotional abuse but I had a few toxic behaviors that I fixed. It was because of ocd. Ocd makes me more clingy and desperate for her love when I get a spike of anxiety and so I did something (a few times) a lot of months ago that I regret, like I said, nothing serious but its something I regret and stopped doing it. I really thank you for your positivity. But the truth is, she deserves better. She's prettier, smarter, etc. I was out of her league (is that the right expression). She just deserves better. I'm fact, I feel like everyone would deserve better than me.
- Date posted
- 5y
@myocdstory You deserve love and deserve to love yourself. I was in the same mindset as you after my break up. But you have to look in that mirror everyday and say”damn, who is that awesome person in that mirror!!?”. Everyone deserves to feel great about themselves. Just try and work on it and maybe talk to a therapist. It helps. Ocd gave me so many toxic habits, but you have to work through it. We believe in you!
- Date posted
- 5y
@person1 I wish I could go to a therapist because of this but psicologists here are bloody judgemental. >< and I don't want to hear clichés like "get over it". (sighs) I'm so sorry... I'm just in a depressed mood right now. I truly appreciate your replies to me. You've made my day!
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now...the first breakup is probably the hardest (I've had one long term relationship myself, so have only been through one breakup and I am believing that one will be the hardest just because I don't have to live a first break up again, like been there done that!! These types of loss do cause real grief. Many people don't realize that and it is completely ok to feel grief over this loss. I think with more time you will find that these intense emotions will subside. It does take awhile. And only you can decide how long it will take, don't rush grief. I do not think you are innocent, gullible or childish...break ups are HARD!! They just SUCK!! I am a strong believer in "it takes two to tango" so try not to place all the blame on yourself, ultimately I think that is working against your forward progress. You're not betraying her when and if you decide to date someone else, this relationship has ended so you have free reign to do as you please! You can live for that next book you want to read, that next show you want to binge, that next favorite food of yours that you get to enjoy, that next cup of hot tea, that next smile you get to give the stranger that needs it, the advice I'm sure you'll wonderfully provide here to someone else in need...nah, I think you've still got PLENTY to live for, even though living in and of itself is just HARD. But, we can do hard things and YOU can do hard things! Keep hanging on, something good has to happen, even if that good is something so small as, "well today I really like the cut of Earl grey tea I had this morning". I hope the sting from your grief starts to lift very soon. Please hang in there!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you. I'm glad I'm not being seen as childish.... I've had 3 meltdowns over the course of these 3 months. Now, I'm just overly depressed about it. I sleep a lot and I feel like crap. I have to pretend I'm ok to everyone or people get mad at me. One thing that really pissed me off when she broke up with me was "youll find someone else". It felt like our relationship didn't mean anything... Sorry I'm rambling. I could never date again. I mean... Look at me! I'm nothing but a worthless human. I've nothing to give... And I'm often used and disposed. It makes sense! I'm just trash! Haha. I'm so sorry... I'm in a dark mood today.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I just want to say I love ya girl. I am so so sad to hear that you are hurting. Its so hard. That is a real feeling. And I'm so sorry you have to feel it. But we love you. Helena... Please will you keep going? I really really want you to keep going so you can be happy again. You went through something hard. But its not over. If you give up today, you'll never have the chance to find joy. Before you met her, were you ever sad? Did you ever feel like giving up? What if you had committed suicide the first time you were sad? You never would have met her, you never would have started OCD recovery, and in absolutely willing to bet that so many beautiful things in your life would have never happened. Dont give up love. It sucks. So much. And were praying for you. But let yourself have the joy that's coming. Someone once told me that life has an equal amount of happy and sad in it. Like if you have a bad year, you can expect an equally good year later on. Life swings like a pendulum... As sad as it can be, there is happiness on the other side of the pendulum swing. I dont know if that helps or if that is strictly accurate or whatever, but it is helpful I hope. Don't stop now, because you will miss any good that is coming. And I absolutely promise you Helena that there are opportunities coming for you to find happiness. 💛
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much for your kindness as always... It means a lot to me and I don't know how to ever thank your generosity. This isn't the first time I've wanted to kill myself. When I was 15-18, I went through a really bad, major depressive episode. I've started experiencing it at 12 but it got worse when I was 15. I'm not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and back then it was so bad and I even had a eating disorder. I thought I was fat. And I thought I was ugly. Still do! When I first met my gf, I thought "well, if every bad thing that happened to me lead me to meet this wonderful person, then I'm glad it happened". But when she broke up with me I saw that it was another fate of destiny. I'm giving up on love. I know that I won't be able to love someone else again, or vice-versa. I'll have a miserable life in front of me. It's just not her. It's everything. I went to a major I wasn't thrilled at because my dad forced me. And I can never go to the major I want to because it's expensive and I'm old. I just... I don't have anything right now besides my family, which isn't very supportive of anything. I'm lonely. I don't go out (nor I'm allowed to by my strict dad), I don't have many friends, I can't drive (because I'm terrified of it). I don't have a degree because it was too much for my idiotic head. Im just a failure. I'm not smart nor pretty. I'm just nice. But being nice doesn't get me anywhere. I'm just an embarrassment for everyone. I'm a piece of trash... I could never date again... Who would like me? I'm nothing.
- Date posted
- 5y
And like they said... Please be safe. Call 911 if you need to. Be strong for us and those who love you, if not for you💛💪
- Date posted
- 5y
I just wanted to add that I never deserved her in the first place... You are going to hate me after you find out about this but... When I started dating, I think I experienced some sort of relationship ocd, I think. At the time I didn't know that I had ocd. So I had thoughts that I wasn't attracted to her and that I found her ugly and even questioned if I deserved better.... I'm such a bad person... This only lasted a few weeks because I knew if I broke up with her id regret it because I thought she was amazing. Fast foward a few months, I started feeling super guilty about having had these thoughts in the first place... I felt so guilty that I confessed them to her. She got sad but forgave me... But I couldn't forgive myself... Till this day, I never felt worthy of her because of them...
- Date posted
- 5y
@myocdstory Hey. You're not going to like this but because I care about you in telling you anyway. Two things. One... Imagine you had killed yourself at 15. You never would have had ANY good experiences since then. And yes, your break up hurt. Really bad! That is a real thing. But did you feel any moments of happiness since you were 15? And not just with her. Before you met her, were there any little things you enjoyed? Point is... Right now you feel like you did when you were younger and going through suicidal thoughts. You looked back at those days and told yourself you were glad you stayed because of the things that happened after that period of time. Don't you think it is logical that something really great can be in your future, but that you can't see it now? When you were 15, you didn't know about the good that was coming. Right now you don't either. Can you trust me on this one? Can you try? I don't want to reassure you because it won't help. But please please try to think about what GOOD can come in the future, and what little good is around now. You are still living on that planet, so that means you have a chance to be happier. You don't believe me, but I promise its true. Keep going. One day at a time. Really truly just keep pushing. And you know what H... You have my.permission to do whatever you need to to keep yourself healthy and safe.if that means sleeping in, eating ice cream, binge watching Netflix, please do it. I think very highly of you and I know you can beat this thing. Like another friend told me, "if you are a terrible person you've done a great job deceoving me."
- Date posted
- 5y
@Daisy102 We all feel like we are hiding our true terrible selves. Unfortunately ocd gets like that. But please don't give up. Here, we are all secretly "terrible", according to OCD anyway. Please stay... We need your company! 💛💛💛keep going love. Ill pray for you
- Date posted
- 5y
@Daisy102 Thank you so much... I actually cried reading your message. To be honest, from 15 to 22 (before I started dating her), not many good things happened... Between suffering at school, ocd and self-worth, I don't know which one is worse. I was humiliated in high school and in college (twice, because of a smell problem - it got better but I used to smell poorly if I got overly anxious). I was depressed, I cut myself, I wouldn't eat, I stole, etc, etc. My gf was the best thing that happened in 10 years... And ocd took it away.. Don't worry. I won't kill myself but I am extremely blue. I have nothing going for myself. When I met her, I finally knew what being loved felt like. It hurt so much that she gave up on me.... That she left without fighting... Everything hurts because I feel lonelier than ever. I truly don't deserve to be in this world... I'm a bad person and disgusting too.
- Date posted
- 5y
@myocdstory Thank you for keeping your Self safe, love. Ill keep praying for you. Wouldn't this be a great time to see what good CAN happen? What is something small that you wish you could do but you don't think you can? How can you work toward it? Scientifically speaking, you can form a hypothesis and experiment. If your hypothesis is "I can't do [blank]", then try to prove yourself wrong and do it. Just keep going love. Somethibg that has really helped me is at the end of the day writing down one thing I did well. H- I'm going to come on here tonight and I want to hear one thing you did well. Even if its eating 3 meals or getting out of bed or reading.... Etc. Can you please think about it for me? Sending hugs and girl power💪💪💛
- Date posted
- 5y
Cup*
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
im not diagnosed but for the past five years i've been seeing A LOT of ocd symptoms in myself. i kinda accepted that i might have it and learning about people's experiences helped me a lot. i was in a really bad place when i was 16 but at some point i got better (so i thought) I've lost one relationship and i healed from loosing it and then i fell in love again. we we're together for a year and six months. i was really happy for most of the time but unfortunately we we're both not really stable mentally and we both had some mental issues. i helped my girlfriend and i supported her the best i could. she managed to move in in my city and we started living together november. at first it still was her who had a lot of issues (probably depression and being very suicidal) i was struggling and i was really stressed but i tried my best to help. i think eventually she got better in january everything was happening all at once. i've lost my job and we had to move out to a different apartment and in the same time she gained new friends at work. earlier my ocd was showing up occasionally but since that time i think it got kinda worse. i have very low self esteem and when my girlfriend got really close with one girl in her work i started feeling uneasy. i never wanted to be a jelous and controlling girlfriend but my head was constantly telling me "she's will get bored of you bc of her new friend" "she's starting to care more about her than you" and it was unbearable. we talked about it few times and she tried to reassure me but at some point i saw she's not feeling good about my self doubt and being jelous. months passed and everything was getting worse. she become more and more distant, she stopped showing me any affection, she stopped asking me on a dates, she stopped flirting and even on my birthday i had to please her to stop texting someone and focus on a movie we were watching. and now two days ago she broke up with me. few days earlier we had a serious talk and she told me she doesn't feel like doing anything romantic with me anymore and when i asked why she told me she thinks she got tired of me. i asked her what about me makes her tired and she told me "it's because you can't do and cope with anything" or smth like that (its hard to translate it to English). and i understand that it could be tiring bc i was doing bad mentally and i asked for reassurance a lot even tho i knew it's my compulsion and even tho i told her i will try not to. i am also a very anxious person and i was really stressed aboud my new job and money and a lot of things and all of it made her tired. i feel so guilty that i couldn't try harder. i feel so guilty for not noticing I'm actually loosing her earlier. or maybe i actually was noticing it by being scared when she started to be mkre excited to spend time with her friend rather than me? i don't know i just feel so bad bc i still love her and i don't know if I can't stop bit i already asked her few times if she's sure that this is what she wants and i told her i will try harder and i booked a visit with a psychiatrist but she told me she's too tired to try. im scared she's also struggling mentally. i don't really know what i even want to hear from you guys i just really want to disappear bc i can't stop blaming myself for loosing my soulmate and the best person in the entire world, the most beautiful, funny and sweet person. she doesn't need me anymore. she doesn't want me and it hurts ass hell. and the fact that it might be all my fault hurt even more
- Date posted
- 9w
Hi. This is my first post here and it was recommended by my therapist to join and speak about this to get help and advice from others on top of therapy. For context sake, we are a wlw couple, I was raised in a purity doomsday cult, and I have been diagnosed with OCD since I was 14 and PTSD since I was 24. For about 4ish weeks now, I have been having horrible intrusive thoughts, daydreams, nightmares, and night terrors about my gf sleeping with or doing other sexual things with her exes. I just can't get it out of my head and it is breaking me. It feels like it was timed out of hell itself, because while I have been fighting this literally 3 of her exes have tried to contact her or get back with her. She tells me, without me asking at all, each time it happens so that way she doesnt feel like she isn't communicating about these things and to help my insecurities (I know I have them, I struggle with them often but don't use them as an excuse for anything). I know we are rock solid, we have been since we got together as we have been friends for 7 years before starting dating. But thats made this even harder. I know her exes, I met 3 of them and shook hands with one of them. I know the stories, I know the times she did things and "kiss and told" to me cause I was her bff. I know when she hooked up with people on dates. And all of that has exasperated this issue in me. It doesn't help that my last relationship (a marriage) ended cause of getting cheated on by my exwife with someone who I thought was a friend. So I keep getting thoughts along with these daydreams and nightmares like "does she really love me more than any ex that could try to contact her", "am I just a placeholder?", or "is it gonna happen again?" and things of that nature. Mind you, we are moving in together next year, so I know that those things arent true yet they still berate my head with scared paranoia. I will be minding my own business and then next thing you know my mind throws an image at me of her underneath one of the exes I know about or have met. It destroys me. I have broke down crying several times from it. It also gets worsened when she gets flirty comments on her tiktok. I just feel like I cant take any more. I am not sleeping, cant rest when I am awake, and feel like I cant even lean in and get comfort from the relationship without these thoughts flooding in and crushing me. She has been amazing through this and tries to help in any way she can, but idek where to start to handle this. Next week me and my therapist are gonna dig deeper into where this may be coming from (outside of OCD) and I hope we get answers through that. I just can't keep feeling like something that happened in the past and that I never witnessed is causing a rift between us emotionally, and will definitely affect the relationship even harder if I dont get this under control. Im so tired, I just want my peace of mind back. I just want to not think about the past and instead think about us. But it is like I am being haunted by her exes and other people wanting to get with her. Almost as if I am wondering just who its gonna take to approach her before I become the afterthought. I just want my happiness with my gf back. Thank you for reading this, I am not doing well and just needed to get this out there to both vent, cry, and get support.
- Date posted
- 17d
Hey I haven’t posted in awhile but I just need to vent. Back in early 2023/ 2024, I remember this theme putting me in the deepest depression that I believe I became emotionally numb. I don’t know, but I felt like I had it and still maybe do. I remember keeping something in for a year from my gf at the time and my OCD was beating me up so bad that I eventually to the hospital in June of 2024. Those of you that have watched Euphoria… remember that scene where Rue is in bed all day and night and physically can’t get out of bed and is frozen? That’s how I felt when it was getting to the end of my relationship. I had the worse thoughts you could ever imagine and every time I had a conversation w/ my gf, I felt like a robot. I felt like I couldn’t even talk to my gf without getting interrupted by my instrusive thoughts. I’m not perfect either . I made a mistake when I saw her the last time. Maybe led her on, maybe I was just emotionally numb . I still wanted to see if the spark was there but I guess it wasn’t. That’s one of my biggest regrets. I rather have stayed home and gathered my thoughts then to go see her on my birthday. It was selfish of me. I take ownership of that . Recently she’s been on my mind , but when we finally parted ways it’s like I didn’t feel anything and that made me question if I loved her? Idk I guess what I’m asking is did or does anyone feel that way? You felt emotionally numb/no spark/ nothing when you kiss? Physically not attracted. Sometimes I question .. what is love? What does it mean? Does love always have to have a spark? I read one time that you choose that person. But I feel like I’m confused what it really means. It’s like I’m having this 360 shift and realizing maybe I was emotionally numb all along and keeping this “secret” I thought at the time, to myself. I eventually told her and she wasn’t mad . My ocd made it bigger than it was . 😔 It’s crazy what OCD can do to you. I felt sick not just mentally, but physically too. Maybe it was easier for me to move on because I “emotionally checked out or was just too emotionally numb” after awhile that when we did break up the first time I barely cried. I cried almost everyday for a year before that first breakup in August. We had gone almost a month without talking because we parted ways but then reconnected September of 2024 and the. Ended it mid January. That’s the last we spoke. It’s been 9 months. I know people feel different thhings at different times but she’s been on my mind recently. And this may be TMI but I know a lot of my emotions right now have to do with my period, but even before my cycle… I was thinking about her. My thoughts are just heightened now. It’s like I was saying … it’s like I’m seeing things different now. Maybe I was so emotionally numb I couldn’t feel anything and it felt like I had fallen out of love. It was hard for me to feel anything and to be honest I think this start May of 2024. I wanted to stay and make it work. But you can’t force yourself to feel something. I think I’m just confused rn. Maybe I’m a little de lulu but I’ve always felt like it’s her. Sure I’ve looked at other girls but when it comes down to soul and personality and how that person treats you… that’s what pulls you in and what matters. It’s like I’m finally realizing after a YEAR LATER that all this ocd stuff was in my head and It’s a shame because I lost a really good one and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that back but I’m grateful for the memories and she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Not sure if this is part of the grieving process? Idk if you guys could give me some feedback or if this resonates with you … please leave comments down below. (Not for reassurance seaking) but to know that if anyone has felt just how I’m feeling right now . I would relay appreciate it🙏🏽 (edited)
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