- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Girl... break ups are THE WORST. I know exactly how you feel. But here’s the thing. 1. If she wasn’t there for you through your worst times then she clearly wasn’t the one for you. 2. You have got to learn how to empower yourself. This took me a year and a half before I finally figured out, hey I’m actually not garbage. 3. She is not the only one out there. Sometimes we feel such a connection to someone, and it’s great, but it doesn’t always work out. That just means that there is someone way better for you out there who will love and support you through all your seasons of life. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to respect yourself. If you are feeling suicidal please reach out to a hotline or go to your local ER. I say it’s time to whip out a good ol’ tub of Ben and Jerry’s and watch whatever makes you feel better! We love you queen, keep your head up!!!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Eheh! Thank you! Your message made me smile. Specially the last phrase. It made my day... Really, thank you. I've did a few things in our relationship that I regret. There wasn't physical or emotional abuse but I had a few toxic behaviors that I fixed. It was because of ocd. Ocd makes me more clingy and desperate for her love when I get a spike of anxiety and so I did something (a few times) a lot of months ago that I regret, like I said, nothing serious but its something I regret and stopped doing it. I really thank you for your positivity. But the truth is, she deserves better. She's prettier, smarter, etc. I was out of her league (is that the right expression). She just deserves better. I'm fact, I feel like everyone would deserve better than me.
- Date posted
- 4y
@myocdstory You deserve love and deserve to love yourself. I was in the same mindset as you after my break up. But you have to look in that mirror everyday and say”damn, who is that awesome person in that mirror!!?”. Everyone deserves to feel great about themselves. Just try and work on it and maybe talk to a therapist. It helps. Ocd gave me so many toxic habits, but you have to work through it. We believe in you!
- Date posted
- 4y
@person1 I wish I could go to a therapist because of this but psicologists here are bloody judgemental. >< and I don't want to hear clichés like "get over it". (sighs) I'm so sorry... I'm just in a depressed mood right now. I truly appreciate your replies to me. You've made my day!
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now...the first breakup is probably the hardest (I've had one long term relationship myself, so have only been through one breakup and I am believing that one will be the hardest just because I don't have to live a first break up again, like been there done that!! These types of loss do cause real grief. Many people don't realize that and it is completely ok to feel grief over this loss. I think with more time you will find that these intense emotions will subside. It does take awhile. And only you can decide how long it will take, don't rush grief. I do not think you are innocent, gullible or childish...break ups are HARD!! They just SUCK!! I am a strong believer in "it takes two to tango" so try not to place all the blame on yourself, ultimately I think that is working against your forward progress. You're not betraying her when and if you decide to date someone else, this relationship has ended so you have free reign to do as you please! You can live for that next book you want to read, that next show you want to binge, that next favorite food of yours that you get to enjoy, that next cup of hot tea, that next smile you get to give the stranger that needs it, the advice I'm sure you'll wonderfully provide here to someone else in need...nah, I think you've still got PLENTY to live for, even though living in and of itself is just HARD. But, we can do hard things and YOU can do hard things! Keep hanging on, something good has to happen, even if that good is something so small as, "well today I really like the cut of Earl grey tea I had this morning". I hope the sting from your grief starts to lift very soon. Please hang in there!
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. I'm glad I'm not being seen as childish.... I've had 3 meltdowns over the course of these 3 months. Now, I'm just overly depressed about it. I sleep a lot and I feel like crap. I have to pretend I'm ok to everyone or people get mad at me. One thing that really pissed me off when she broke up with me was "youll find someone else". It felt like our relationship didn't mean anything... Sorry I'm rambling. I could never date again. I mean... Look at me! I'm nothing but a worthless human. I've nothing to give... And I'm often used and disposed. It makes sense! I'm just trash! Haha. I'm so sorry... I'm in a dark mood today.
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, I just want to say I love ya girl. I am so so sad to hear that you are hurting. Its so hard. That is a real feeling. And I'm so sorry you have to feel it. But we love you. Helena... Please will you keep going? I really really want you to keep going so you can be happy again. You went through something hard. But its not over. If you give up today, you'll never have the chance to find joy. Before you met her, were you ever sad? Did you ever feel like giving up? What if you had committed suicide the first time you were sad? You never would have met her, you never would have started OCD recovery, and in absolutely willing to bet that so many beautiful things in your life would have never happened. Dont give up love. It sucks. So much. And were praying for you. But let yourself have the joy that's coming. Someone once told me that life has an equal amount of happy and sad in it. Like if you have a bad year, you can expect an equally good year later on. Life swings like a pendulum... As sad as it can be, there is happiness on the other side of the pendulum swing. I dont know if that helps or if that is strictly accurate or whatever, but it is helpful I hope. Don't stop now, because you will miss any good that is coming. And I absolutely promise you Helena that there are opportunities coming for you to find happiness. 💛
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for your kindness as always... It means a lot to me and I don't know how to ever thank your generosity. This isn't the first time I've wanted to kill myself. When I was 15-18, I went through a really bad, major depressive episode. I've started experiencing it at 12 but it got worse when I was 15. I'm not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and back then it was so bad and I even had a eating disorder. I thought I was fat. And I thought I was ugly. Still do! When I first met my gf, I thought "well, if every bad thing that happened to me lead me to meet this wonderful person, then I'm glad it happened". But when she broke up with me I saw that it was another fate of destiny. I'm giving up on love. I know that I won't be able to love someone else again, or vice-versa. I'll have a miserable life in front of me. It's just not her. It's everything. I went to a major I wasn't thrilled at because my dad forced me. And I can never go to the major I want to because it's expensive and I'm old. I just... I don't have anything right now besides my family, which isn't very supportive of anything. I'm lonely. I don't go out (nor I'm allowed to by my strict dad), I don't have many friends, I can't drive (because I'm terrified of it). I don't have a degree because it was too much for my idiotic head. Im just a failure. I'm not smart nor pretty. I'm just nice. But being nice doesn't get me anywhere. I'm just an embarrassment for everyone. I'm a piece of trash... I could never date again... Who would like me? I'm nothing.
- Date posted
- 4y
And like they said... Please be safe. Call 911 if you need to. Be strong for us and those who love you, if not for you💛💪
- Date posted
- 4y
I just wanted to add that I never deserved her in the first place... You are going to hate me after you find out about this but... When I started dating, I think I experienced some sort of relationship ocd, I think. At the time I didn't know that I had ocd. So I had thoughts that I wasn't attracted to her and that I found her ugly and even questioned if I deserved better.... I'm such a bad person... This only lasted a few weeks because I knew if I broke up with her id regret it because I thought she was amazing. Fast foward a few months, I started feeling super guilty about having had these thoughts in the first place... I felt so guilty that I confessed them to her. She got sad but forgave me... But I couldn't forgive myself... Till this day, I never felt worthy of her because of them...
- Date posted
- 4y
@myocdstory Hey. You're not going to like this but because I care about you in telling you anyway. Two things. One... Imagine you had killed yourself at 15. You never would have had ANY good experiences since then. And yes, your break up hurt. Really bad! That is a real thing. But did you feel any moments of happiness since you were 15? And not just with her. Before you met her, were there any little things you enjoyed? Point is... Right now you feel like you did when you were younger and going through suicidal thoughts. You looked back at those days and told yourself you were glad you stayed because of the things that happened after that period of time. Don't you think it is logical that something really great can be in your future, but that you can't see it now? When you were 15, you didn't know about the good that was coming. Right now you don't either. Can you trust me on this one? Can you try? I don't want to reassure you because it won't help. But please please try to think about what GOOD can come in the future, and what little good is around now. You are still living on that planet, so that means you have a chance to be happier. You don't believe me, but I promise its true. Keep going. One day at a time. Really truly just keep pushing. And you know what H... You have my.permission to do whatever you need to to keep yourself healthy and safe.if that means sleeping in, eating ice cream, binge watching Netflix, please do it. I think very highly of you and I know you can beat this thing. Like another friend told me, "if you are a terrible person you've done a great job deceoving me."
- Date posted
- 4y
@Daisy102 We all feel like we are hiding our true terrible selves. Unfortunately ocd gets like that. But please don't give up. Here, we are all secretly "terrible", according to OCD anyway. Please stay... We need your company! 💛💛💛keep going love. Ill pray for you
- Date posted
- 4y
@Daisy102 Thank you so much... I actually cried reading your message. To be honest, from 15 to 22 (before I started dating her), not many good things happened... Between suffering at school, ocd and self-worth, I don't know which one is worse. I was humiliated in high school and in college (twice, because of a smell problem - it got better but I used to smell poorly if I got overly anxious). I was depressed, I cut myself, I wouldn't eat, I stole, etc, etc. My gf was the best thing that happened in 10 years... And ocd took it away.. Don't worry. I won't kill myself but I am extremely blue. I have nothing going for myself. When I met her, I finally knew what being loved felt like. It hurt so much that she gave up on me.... That she left without fighting... Everything hurts because I feel lonelier than ever. I truly don't deserve to be in this world... I'm a bad person and disgusting too.
- Date posted
- 4y
@myocdstory Thank you for keeping your Self safe, love. Ill keep praying for you. Wouldn't this be a great time to see what good CAN happen? What is something small that you wish you could do but you don't think you can? How can you work toward it? Scientifically speaking, you can form a hypothesis and experiment. If your hypothesis is "I can't do [blank]", then try to prove yourself wrong and do it. Just keep going love. Somethibg that has really helped me is at the end of the day writing down one thing I did well. H- I'm going to come on here tonight and I want to hear one thing you did well. Even if its eating 3 meals or getting out of bed or reading.... Etc. Can you please think about it for me? Sending hugs and girl power💪💪💛
- Date posted
- 4y
Cup*
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
It hasn’t even been a week since my boyfriend broke up with me because of my OCD and depression cocktail. He said that the breakup wasn’t out of him not loving me anymore, but because he and his family had already dealt with very strong mental health issues in the past and that a) he couldn’t bear seeing me hurting all of the time and b) he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be “my nurse”. Then he said that I shouldn’t blame myself because depression and OCD are never anyone’s fault. I’ve tried to be very understanding: I do believe one has a right to decide what one wants in their partner. He doesn’t want a partner with mental health issues, I can understand that. I can also understand that these five months since my OCD made itself known have been very hard on him. But, I also feel so betrayed. He used to nitpick the word “love” so much and reflect on what it actually meant to love. He said loving someone was choosing to stay with them during the good times and the bad. This is absolutely the worst bad time in my entire life. And he said, and also said it to my mother, that he would stick with me through it all. Now five months later, he’s changed his mind. I don’t get how he can say he still loves me and abandon me when I most need love and support. If it’s not my fault like he says, why leave me? He said he still wants to be in my life—at a safe distance, where he can’t see all the ugly parts of what OCD and depression can do to a person. All of this makes me feel as if I wasn’t worth the effort of dealing with everything. Then that’s not love is it? I also feel very lonely as the only people that know about my OCD were him and my parents. He made himself into one of my biggest pillars of support, and shaped our lives so that he could always be with me. So we’re in the same classes, and although we share friends I’ve always felt that they entertained me because I was his girlfriend. As for my closer friends, I’ve felt that I was drifting apart from them and although I’ve furtively mentioned my problems with OCD to them, they either don’t care to ask or aren’t really sure how to talk to me. I feel so alone. And now my “number one supporter” has left, and it angers me very much. Especially because I’ve been the one to calm him down and give him hugs and explained what topics we saw in the class he missed the day after we broke up. I’m the one that convinced him to eat three cookies for dinner because he didn’t want to eat. And I’m the one that had to tell him that friends don’t wish each other a great night every night, like we used to do. It seemed like he wanted things to stay the same but without the relationship part of kissing and dealing with my panic attacks. It feels it’s kind of unfair because he’s not without issues and I didn’t judge him once and always tried to be there for him, and the single biggest issue I have ever had was too much for him. The vengeful part of me wants him to hurt as much as he hurt me. I hope he understands his decision has consequences and that he can’t be with me in the same way he was— especially now that I know that he leaves at my most critical, vulnerable moments. I’m writing this while mad. But I know later I’ll feel sad and more understanding and want to be friends with him again. And then I’ll get mad again. And so on. I know this is just a really tough situation however you look at it. But I’m still overwhelmed by the thought that if OCD had never struck, we might still be together. I also deserve some love and support 😔 Thank you if you read all the way till here. I’m sorry if it was a long read, but I’m very thankful. Nowadays it feels like NOCD is one of my remaining sources of support. I’m very grateful for everyone on here, I hope all of you have a great day and that it’s a victory against this accursed mental disorder
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m almost 6 months in since I started ERP therapy. I’ve noticed little changes. I still have a long way to go. I feel myself growing a little impatient because I thought I’d be further and have everything figured out out by now, but this is a process. I’ve talked about my ex a lot on here and to my therapist. We’ve done some ERP procedures. Some have helped and some I’m still working on. I saw someone post something about how you’re attracted to your partner and then sometimes you’re not. I’ve been struggling w/ this for almost 2 years now. (The attraction). When I first met my ex I wasn’t attracted. I thought maybe over time the attraction would grow. We met in late June almost 2 years ago. I’m a little nervous posting what I’m finna post, but maybe someone is going though something similar. My birthday is in August so she had brought me a early birthday gift at the end of July. It was really sweet. She wasn’t able to come in August for my birthday so I went out with my family to a baseball game. I’ve talked to my mom, therapist (at the time), and cousin about what I’m about to say next and they all said, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” But I still believe I did bc I new better and I don’t think it had anything to do w/ ocd. I feel like this was my real feelings. I had a girl on snap I use to talk to about a year prior. I remember thinking I wanna see if she was gonna wish me a happy birthday so I filmed a video of myself drinking beer at a baseball game. I guess I posted it for her, she ended up seeing it, but didn’t text HBD on snap. Immediately I felt guilty and deleted it. But before posting it I thought about it and this next part is so messed up I still feel ashamed to this day but I had a thought that popped saying, “ she’s not that attractive anyways and she didn’t give u a good gift ..so post.” After I had that thought I did. I held onto that thought and felt guilt for an entire year. Now I don’t wanna tell her business on here, but there were things that were happening health wise and someone very close to her passed. It’s almost like I was trying to find the right moment to tell her and everytime I wanted to something happened. And I know that’s not her fault. I felt guilt everyday. I would pray to god saying “I cheated, she’s never gonna forgive me etc.” Everytime I saw her i felt bad and guilty and what’s she was going through. (By the way I told her about the whole snap chat thing minjs the attractive/ gift part) I just feel like there’s some things you shouldn’t say. I felt suicidal and felt this overwhelming anxiety. She told me that she’s been cheated on in the passed and I thought I was another girl who was gonna break her heart. And also if I knew that then why would I do that? So few months go by and I drive there and she drives to my house. She would offer to buy me things , but I felt I didn’t deserve that so I would always tell her, “no that’s okay.” Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore I had to talk to my mom about it. She told me I didn’t do anything wrong. But I’m asking myself why do I feel so guilty. Damn near crying every night . Eventually it went away because of that “reassurance.” And it was more about me posting that pic for that girl to see, not about her weight. So now it’s January of 2024, I felt better bc I explained to my mom about what happened, but now I new theme popped up. One day we were hanging out in her bedroom and I don’t know if I put my hand on her stomach or what , but I felt guilty. Like why would I do that? “Am I trying to make her skinnier?” So now I was stuck on her appearance. I felt like I couldn’t talk to her because instrusive thoughts would pop up here and there I couldn’t joy my time with her. I began to question myself am I in this relationship bc I feel bad what she’s going though health wise or do I really love her? I really do believe I loved her, but I almost can’t remember and my mind twisting everything. And why was my mind so fixated on her weight? It doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t matter. The amount of times I’ve looked up YouTube videos about “does attraction matter in a relationship?” I think you should be attracted , but it’s not everything. It’s about how the person makes you feel. She made me feel good, made me laugh and smile. She was easy to talk to. Idk I’m kinda getting confused with the definition of “Love.” Like what really is it? I thought love was loving someone unconditionally no matter what they look like. I remember being more attracted when she wore her hairstyle one way then another day it would be something different . So is that really love? I hear people say love is a choice all the time. Are you suppose to feel a spark all the time? Or does spark come and go? And I feel like if u didn’t feel attracted to them you wouldnt be intimate. I think my dads side of the family effected me and made me feel less confident and I felt bad bc that rubbed off on her. It’s like I was stressed and nervous what I thought they thought of her when they saw her and I took my anxiety out on her.😞 I tried my best to have a poker face and not let it get to me but it did. I tried to be the strong one for both of us. So sometimes I’m like she deserves someone better who’s proud to be with her. But I feel more confident than I did a year ago. Like if we were to go out, I would hold her hand. Also guys this the first time I came out to my family so it might have been right but everything was new to me. I thought telling her everything would make me feel better and it did, but now these thoughts are coming up again. We aren’t talking anymore. I feel like over time my OCD got worse and this wasn’t when I was diagnosed. I got diagnosed September of 2024. Idk I’ve talked to my mom a lot about this and I’m thankful that I have her. She was saying you were doing the best you could then. I feel like it wasn’t enough and she keeps saying, “you didn’t know what any of this was.” So idk the more I didn’t get help did I just go completely numb? I feel like I’m in denial and maybe I never was attracted. I don’t know I guess I felt like I was lying to her about how I felt. But I really do believe I was in love at one point and it just went away. Part of me questions if I didn’t have OCD would things have played out differently? And why do I find myself missing her more when I’m PMSING and when I’m on my period then when I’m not. It’s like I almost don’t care about her ask much and I don’t like that . I rather feel my emotions than feel numb. I try not to think about the “what ifs,” but I’m scared for the unknown. Like what if she meets someone else? What if I do? I’m almost scared to talk to someone new bc I feel like I’m gonna have negative thoughts about my ex. My mom says I should get back on dating sites to just see how I feel, but I’m not mentally ready for that. I’m the type of person who doesn’t adapt well with change and it takes me a long time to move on from someone. We technically been broken up since end of June. But tried to work things out and middle of January of this year she said she was basically “done for now.” I feel like I wore her out with my OCD and putting a lot of stress on her and she said that she felt like I made her my punching bag. Like that doesn’t make me feel good. I know she was trying her best to understand OCD. If you don’t have it, it’s hard to explain and understand. She’s definitely changed me for the better. 2 years ago i was a mess and completely broken. You can’t just forget about someone who’s helped you and was there for you and didn’t give up. But she got to the point where she told me “how much more can I take?” I didn’t realize she felt that way and I felt so guilty bc I never wanted her to get to that point. I feel like I lost her for good. And I’m not asking you guys to feel sorry for me. I know I could’ve done things better, but I’m trying to better myself now. Maybe one day we’ll find one another again or maybe we won’t. I’ll always love her tho. I guess I’m still having conflicting feelings. She feels like my person. She makes me feel good, she listens, she makes me laugh and she’s brought me closer to god. ✨🤍 I’m tryna stay strong and tryna fight. My cousin said something one time that resonated with me. She said, “my mind is my biggest bully” and its true. I posted yesterday about how I’m lost and feel anger, and confusion. I’m trying to have some faith. Is there any one that related to anything I mentioned or have a verse that helps them try and get through day by day? Also thank you for taking your time to hear me out and read this.
- Date posted
- 19w
hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)
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