- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Girl... break ups are THE WORST. I know exactly how you feel. But here’s the thing. 1. If she wasn’t there for you through your worst times then she clearly wasn’t the one for you. 2. You have got to learn how to empower yourself. This took me a year and a half before I finally figured out, hey I’m actually not garbage. 3. She is not the only one out there. Sometimes we feel such a connection to someone, and it’s great, but it doesn’t always work out. That just means that there is someone way better for you out there who will love and support you through all your seasons of life. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to respect yourself. If you are feeling suicidal please reach out to a hotline or go to your local ER. I say it’s time to whip out a good ol’ tub of Ben and Jerry’s and watch whatever makes you feel better! We love you queen, keep your head up!!!!!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Eheh! Thank you! Your message made me smile. Specially the last phrase. It made my day... Really, thank you. I've did a few things in our relationship that I regret. There wasn't physical or emotional abuse but I had a few toxic behaviors that I fixed. It was because of ocd. Ocd makes me more clingy and desperate for her love when I get a spike of anxiety and so I did something (a few times) a lot of months ago that I regret, like I said, nothing serious but its something I regret and stopped doing it. I really thank you for your positivity. But the truth is, she deserves better. She's prettier, smarter, etc. I was out of her league (is that the right expression). She just deserves better. I'm fact, I feel like everyone would deserve better than me.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@myocdstory You deserve love and deserve to love yourself. I was in the same mindset as you after my break up. But you have to look in that mirror everyday and say”damn, who is that awesome person in that mirror!!?”. Everyone deserves to feel great about themselves. Just try and work on it and maybe talk to a therapist. It helps. Ocd gave me so many toxic habits, but you have to work through it. We believe in you!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@person1 I wish I could go to a therapist because of this but psicologists here are bloody judgemental. >< and I don't want to hear clichés like "get over it". (sighs) I'm so sorry... I'm just in a depressed mood right now. I truly appreciate your replies to me. You've made my day!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now...the first breakup is probably the hardest (I've had one long term relationship myself, so have only been through one breakup and I am believing that one will be the hardest just because I don't have to live a first break up again, like been there done that!! These types of loss do cause real grief. Many people don't realize that and it is completely ok to feel grief over this loss. I think with more time you will find that these intense emotions will subside. It does take awhile. And only you can decide how long it will take, don't rush grief. I do not think you are innocent, gullible or childish...break ups are HARD!! They just SUCK!! I am a strong believer in "it takes two to tango" so try not to place all the blame on yourself, ultimately I think that is working against your forward progress. You're not betraying her when and if you decide to date someone else, this relationship has ended so you have free reign to do as you please! You can live for that next book you want to read, that next show you want to binge, that next favorite food of yours that you get to enjoy, that next cup of hot tea, that next smile you get to give the stranger that needs it, the advice I'm sure you'll wonderfully provide here to someone else in need...nah, I think you've still got PLENTY to live for, even though living in and of itself is just HARD. But, we can do hard things and YOU can do hard things! Keep hanging on, something good has to happen, even if that good is something so small as, "well today I really like the cut of Earl grey tea I had this morning". I hope the sting from your grief starts to lift very soon. Please hang in there!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you. I'm glad I'm not being seen as childish.... I've had 3 meltdowns over the course of these 3 months. Now, I'm just overly depressed about it. I sleep a lot and I feel like crap. I have to pretend I'm ok to everyone or people get mad at me. One thing that really pissed me off when she broke up with me was "youll find someone else". It felt like our relationship didn't mean anything... Sorry I'm rambling. I could never date again. I mean... Look at me! I'm nothing but a worthless human. I've nothing to give... And I'm often used and disposed. It makes sense! I'm just trash! Haha. I'm so sorry... I'm in a dark mood today.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey, I just want to say I love ya girl. I am so so sad to hear that you are hurting. Its so hard. That is a real feeling. And I'm so sorry you have to feel it. But we love you. Helena... Please will you keep going? I really really want you to keep going so you can be happy again. You went through something hard. But its not over. If you give up today, you'll never have the chance to find joy. Before you met her, were you ever sad? Did you ever feel like giving up? What if you had committed suicide the first time you were sad? You never would have met her, you never would have started OCD recovery, and in absolutely willing to bet that so many beautiful things in your life would have never happened. Dont give up love. It sucks. So much. And were praying for you. But let yourself have the joy that's coming. Someone once told me that life has an equal amount of happy and sad in it. Like if you have a bad year, you can expect an equally good year later on. Life swings like a pendulum... As sad as it can be, there is happiness on the other side of the pendulum swing. I dont know if that helps or if that is strictly accurate or whatever, but it is helpful I hope. Don't stop now, because you will miss any good that is coming. And I absolutely promise you Helena that there are opportunities coming for you to find happiness. 💛
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so much for your kindness as always... It means a lot to me and I don't know how to ever thank your generosity. This isn't the first time I've wanted to kill myself. When I was 15-18, I went through a really bad, major depressive episode. I've started experiencing it at 12 but it got worse when I was 15. I'm not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and back then it was so bad and I even had a eating disorder. I thought I was fat. And I thought I was ugly. Still do! When I first met my gf, I thought "well, if every bad thing that happened to me lead me to meet this wonderful person, then I'm glad it happened". But when she broke up with me I saw that it was another fate of destiny. I'm giving up on love. I know that I won't be able to love someone else again, or vice-versa. I'll have a miserable life in front of me. It's just not her. It's everything. I went to a major I wasn't thrilled at because my dad forced me. And I can never go to the major I want to because it's expensive and I'm old. I just... I don't have anything right now besides my family, which isn't very supportive of anything. I'm lonely. I don't go out (nor I'm allowed to by my strict dad), I don't have many friends, I can't drive (because I'm terrified of it). I don't have a degree because it was too much for my idiotic head. Im just a failure. I'm not smart nor pretty. I'm just nice. But being nice doesn't get me anywhere. I'm just an embarrassment for everyone. I'm a piece of trash... I could never date again... Who would like me? I'm nothing.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
And like they said... Please be safe. Call 911 if you need to. Be strong for us and those who love you, if not for you💛💪
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I just wanted to add that I never deserved her in the first place... You are going to hate me after you find out about this but... When I started dating, I think I experienced some sort of relationship ocd, I think. At the time I didn't know that I had ocd. So I had thoughts that I wasn't attracted to her and that I found her ugly and even questioned if I deserved better.... I'm such a bad person... This only lasted a few weeks because I knew if I broke up with her id regret it because I thought she was amazing. Fast foward a few months, I started feeling super guilty about having had these thoughts in the first place... I felt so guilty that I confessed them to her. She got sad but forgave me... But I couldn't forgive myself... Till this day, I never felt worthy of her because of them...
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@myocdstory Hey. You're not going to like this but because I care about you in telling you anyway. Two things. One... Imagine you had killed yourself at 15. You never would have had ANY good experiences since then. And yes, your break up hurt. Really bad! That is a real thing. But did you feel any moments of happiness since you were 15? And not just with her. Before you met her, were there any little things you enjoyed? Point is... Right now you feel like you did when you were younger and going through suicidal thoughts. You looked back at those days and told yourself you were glad you stayed because of the things that happened after that period of time. Don't you think it is logical that something really great can be in your future, but that you can't see it now? When you were 15, you didn't know about the good that was coming. Right now you don't either. Can you trust me on this one? Can you try? I don't want to reassure you because it won't help. But please please try to think about what GOOD can come in the future, and what little good is around now. You are still living on that planet, so that means you have a chance to be happier. You don't believe me, but I promise its true. Keep going. One day at a time. Really truly just keep pushing. And you know what H... You have my.permission to do whatever you need to to keep yourself healthy and safe.if that means sleeping in, eating ice cream, binge watching Netflix, please do it. I think very highly of you and I know you can beat this thing. Like another friend told me, "if you are a terrible person you've done a great job deceoving me."
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Daisy102 We all feel like we are hiding our true terrible selves. Unfortunately ocd gets like that. But please don't give up. Here, we are all secretly "terrible", according to OCD anyway. Please stay... We need your company! 💛💛💛keep going love. Ill pray for you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Daisy102 Thank you so much... I actually cried reading your message. To be honest, from 15 to 22 (before I started dating her), not many good things happened... Between suffering at school, ocd and self-worth, I don't know which one is worse. I was humiliated in high school and in college (twice, because of a smell problem - it got better but I used to smell poorly if I got overly anxious). I was depressed, I cut myself, I wouldn't eat, I stole, etc, etc. My gf was the best thing that happened in 10 years... And ocd took it away.. Don't worry. I won't kill myself but I am extremely blue. I have nothing going for myself. When I met her, I finally knew what being loved felt like. It hurt so much that she gave up on me.... That she left without fighting... Everything hurts because I feel lonelier than ever. I truly don't deserve to be in this world... I'm a bad person and disgusting too.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@myocdstory Thank you for keeping your Self safe, love. Ill keep praying for you. Wouldn't this be a great time to see what good CAN happen? What is something small that you wish you could do but you don't think you can? How can you work toward it? Scientifically speaking, you can form a hypothesis and experiment. If your hypothesis is "I can't do [blank]", then try to prove yourself wrong and do it. Just keep going love. Somethibg that has really helped me is at the end of the day writing down one thing I did well. H- I'm going to come on here tonight and I want to hear one thing you did well. Even if its eating 3 meals or getting out of bed or reading.... Etc. Can you please think about it for me? Sending hugs and girl power💪💪💛
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Cup*
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w ago
I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.
- Date posted
- 23w ago
Hi everyone this is my first post on here but I need advice relationship ocd and ocd in general has taken such a toll on my life as of recently my boyfriend and I decided to not be together we still communicate we’re on good terms and he’ll be visiting soon( long distance) recently a friend I went to school w dad passed and it got me thinking of another friend (male) I used to have feelings for him LONG ago my boyfriend knows of that and I searched his name on Instagram recently and now I feel extremely guilty for this and feel like I need to confess this to my partner did I do something wrong? is this a normal feeling with ocd? someone please give advice.
- Date posted
- 6w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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