OCD is just another Addiction. Here is why: During the battle against OCD, working to connect the dots and through own experiences to understand what is it that we confront with and how to overcome it, I realized something about OCD, that I would like to share. If my opinion is seen fit and useful, it may help understand in a certain angle what is happening in our minds and the mindset towards recovery. OCD is just another Addiction. We humans are wired to do two things – Seek Pleasure and Avoid Pain. Both are basically one thing. To be in the Pleasurable state of existence. In short, OCD is a self-drugging behavior to avoid pain, so the brain can release the feel good chemicals. All our systems are wired for pleasure seeking and escaping the pain. When we find the pleasure or escape the pain- there is a reward- we feel good, euphoria, a relief. Our brains release the ‘Feel good chemicals- from our own brain’s pharmacy’, the neurotransmitters Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin, GABA, etc… these are the ones we develop a ‘tough love’ relationship with. Substances, like drugs and alcohol stimulate the release of our own ‘pharmacy’, BUT, not only substances do that- Reinforced Behavior does that too, more correctly, thoughts, emotions and actions that reinforce the ‘feel good’ such as gambling and love addictions, these behaviors release neurotransmitters of reward due to pleasure, are addictive and cause withdrawal when ceased. As research shown, OCD is related to childhood traumas and the resulting lack of self-love. When self-love is not around, Fear sips in. That’s just a survival mechanism. The mind say: No self-love? No pleasure? No problem, I will give you something to avoid- that will make me feel good. That thing is Fear/Anxiety- the source of pain to be avoided- so you can feel good about yourself when you managed to avoid it. OCD is just an upgraded version of anxiety, when the subconscious actually ‘Tames’ you to get that good feeling when Anxiety by itself didn’t result in self love and relaxation. This process is addicting, making sure you will ‘feel good’ many times throughout the day, keeping the ‘high’. Ever wondered why compulsions are repetitive, because the brain sees it as self-dosing, each action serves a dose, more hand washing, more doses of feel good to make the pain go away, until after 10 times- Doubt which is the measuring tool of how many doses are needed gives a temporary green light, until the next craving. That is why, Obssessions are basically just Cravings- a Call for Action- “Give me my dose of good feeling! Go and avoid this painful fear!” Have you ever wondered why other people don’t get inside that loop a person with OCD find themselves of ‘Thoughts/Feelings/Images/Urges’ Because in a same way, a non-addicted person cannot figure why an addict Craves drugs, and cannot ‘just stop with it’. OCD Obsesseions are just Craving, that’s why they come unsolicited, that’s why, certain situations flare them up, the subconscious mind finds an opportunity to get a dose and evokes an obsession to get the compulsion- the dose of feel good. Our brains are the ultimate ‘Drug Designers’, and can come with the worst fears to make you do one thing- Dose yourself with Avoidance. That is why, as suggested for drug addiction, on how to deal with cravings, perhaps one of the best things to do is just sit with it, surf the pain, watch the film the subconscious brain plays. What you see/think/feel means nothing, and nothing about you, it’s a movie played for you. A trick. Feel the urges until they pass, you are stronger than you imagine, and pain should be confronted to be defeated. Obsessions will come as cravings come, they will flare when there is a high chance to get the ‘fix’. But, with time they decrease until they disappear, because you train your subconscious mind there is NO ‘fix’ from those thoughts, stories, urges and movies.

Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?

Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!

I want to beat OCD because I have seen and felt the benefits of clearing my brain from unnecessary, pointless, thoughts. OCD is like 0 calorie food. It’s pointless. No nutrition or benefits come from my obsessions or compulsions. I don’t care to have answers to everything anymore. I catch myself just trying to stress myself out so that I have some worry to feed on. But like I said, it’s a 0 calorie food. I get nothing from it but wasted time and energy. My brain feels more spacious when I’m not consumed by OCD. I’m present. My personality has room to be herself without making space for bullshit. I tell myself now that worry is poison. I think Willie Nelson was the person I got that quote from? Anyways, that imagery of worries being poison for the mind has been transformative for me. I’m evolving. 💖 Thanks NOCD community.