- Username
- kkny
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Oh man. I can relate to this hard!!! Yes yes yes and yes. It causes me so much distress.
Alan I agree. I have my first appointment with my NOCD therapist next week. Part of me really wants to throw myself hard into therapy for the next 8 weeks. I mean in the end if it doesn't work then I'm just back to where I am now. However, if it does work then I can potentially have a lot of my life back. While I type that convincing myself of that is harder. However, if i really want to have a full relationship with my kids then I need to learn to overcome it and not give in to temporary relief. That's hard though when we have these neuropathways that say differently. It's odd because the goal is the same, just how you get there is different. OCD says in order to love your family give into your compulsions. The other side of me says in order to love your family you need to not give into your compulsions. I feel like often I'm on a fence dipping my toe into one side, then dipping it into the other side. At times I'm ready to jump, but then it's like, but will I be ok... Just jump Kevin... Are you guys in therapy?
How old are your kids? And what sub type of ocd are you struggling with specifically? I am on day 3 of Zoloft. I have ameeting with a therapist through kaiser on September 10th and then my first appt with a NOCD therapist on September 22.
@Freemeofocd 3, 5, 7. The subtype is something I go back and forth on, lol. Throughout my life I've experienced most of the subtypes. When I was a kid it was contamination and checking. I don't experience that really anymore. Now it's a mix of moral scrupulousity, some perfectionism, and a bit of POCD/Harm OCD. I don't have the strong POCD thoughts that others have where I actually believe that I might be a pedofile. It's just if a thought pops into my head it's stickier than for a "normal person". However, as I mentioned it's not always that I had that thought, like the thought doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I might remember that I had the thought. I know that doesn't make 💯 sense, but again, it's not logical. Good for you in regards to therapy. I have an apt with a NOCD therapist on Sept 1st.
Like do you struggle with contamination or pocd or zocd or harm ocd or HOCD?
I have not been diognosed yet but I'm suffering from anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts that cause me souch distress
What are they related to though? If you don’t mind me asking of course. Are they related to harming yourself or your family? Or sexually taboo thoughts? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable, I’m just curious
Its all kinds of crazy thoughts they can be sexual or of hurting my Kid my boy . Most of my thoughts now are of hurting my love ones especially my kid idk why it's scary and it's an obssevive thought annoying causes me so much distress
I guess one of the challenging aspects and I'm sure I'll go over this with my NOCD therapist once we start is I am not sure how ERP works with something like the above. With other more physical items I understand ERP, but when it's more just ruminating and feeling as though your life will never be the same because you are afraid of what you might remember in the future, how do you do ERP for something like that
i fear that i’ll never feel the same or be the same because of thoughts i’ve had
Yes I hear ya. It's crazy how sticky those thoughts can be. Even though no complusion changes the thoughts. It's a bizzare mind we have.
FreemeofOCD good to know it's not just me. One of the things (among many) I find challenging about OCD is how it constantly finds ways to be creative in trying to trap you.
I feel like I’m gonna be tied to a false memory I have forever. And it’s managed to attach itself onto my infant daughter. I start to panic when I think about how the rest of my life I’m gonna have to live with this fear and guilt and memory. Most people can just shrug things off and be like this is false, let it go. But my mind is stuck on it and is trying to convince me it is real. I imagine going through my whole life carrying this weight that no one knows about. And it drives me crazy. I feel so sad that I am allowing my mind to sabotage what should be the happiest time in my life...and taking away from precious moments spent with my daughter
@Freemeofocd I feel the same way you do my mind playing tricks on me and when I am at work it's when I feel the worst those dam intrusive thoughts just attack me 😞
@Freemeofocd I hear ya. I have items that attach to my kids as well. I feel like that is one of the worst things ever. It's all so odd because I can identify that my thoughts aren't logical, but that doesn't seem to matter because of the fear of OCD influencing my relationship with my kids. I hear OCD in my head say just give into the compulsion this time as you cant battle OCD when it involves your kids. At the same time if I can gain the tools I need through therapy then I feel like I should then be able to overcome anything. With that being said, I am still fearful. Hoping to gain the courage I need.
@kkny I feel the same way you do . It's a horrible feeling the sad part is just don't know how to deal with the issue
Dam that's harsh but sadly I'm dealing with the same issues but I try my best to stay strong for my wife and my Boy but then these thoughts seem to hunt me down and they attack me so much it's annoying and scary and I'm in such do distress
Alan, I hear ya. I have been working through Grayson's book and the reasons for overcoming OCD chart I filled out has my family as one of my top items. Thankfully I have an understanding wife, but at the same time I'd like her to not always be having to worry about my anxiety either. Also, I know there is a strong likelihood that one of my three kids will have OCD (just statistically saying). It would be awesome if I can recover enough to where I can teach them and prepare them for uncertainty in advance.
@kkny Same here my Wife truly understands me ... At first I was so scared to open up to her honestly but I overcame my fears and I had to let her know what I was feeling and she supported me and still supports me . And truly my anxiety is horrible especially when the horrible thoughts come in my anxiety grows
What subtypes do you struggle with?
@kkny Honestly I hope you get better and hope you can go back to being your normal self since I know you have not felt normal at least I know I haven't I'll pray for you tonight in my prayers
@Freemeofocd You are referring to as ?
@Alan.💪 Thanks Alan. I hear ya. The option is to get better or get worst. Temporary discomfort and victory or long term discomfort and more OCD.
I find it helpful to distinguish between pure O and OCD because, while I do have some triggers in my environment, they’re not consistent enough to really establish a theme, and most of the time I’m triggering myself with my own thoughts. For years I didn’t think I had OCD anymore because my OCD was so adaptive, and I had no physical compulsions, besides reassurance seeking and avoidance, but the compulsions were so covert that I rarely, if ever, noticed them. It wasn’t until reading about Pure O that I was able to expand my understanding of OCD as a WAY of thinking rather than a strict set of obsessions and compulsions. As I learned about how my OCD had creeped into the way I thought about practically everything, I became envious of those whose OCD was traceable in a specific theme, e.g. contamination (although I know this is an oversimplification, and people with contamination OCD don’t have an easier time with OCD at all), because I felt like OCD was always two steps ahead of me, distorting my thinking about things big and small. Now that I’ve gained some serious ground, I can see OCD in every area of my life through the way it distorts, but it’s still a constant battle, and I have to do mental exposures all the time. It would’ve been helpful though for people to explain that thoughts can also be triggers, because that distinction kept me in the dark for years. I thought “oh, I don’t have OCD, because there’s not a SPECIFIC trigger I can trace all my obsessions back to.” No—my obsessions are also my triggers, and they are also my compulsions, combining into one great maddening combustible mass that becomes so circular that it’s impossible to figure out where it started. I hope that people can understand this and not just think of OCD in its most stereotypical form. I suffered from harm and morality obsessions when I was really young, and I prayed and tapped and did all sorts of things that made it much easier to diagnose back then, but since then, 20 some odd years later, OCD had crept in the back door in a way that was much more difficult to track, and I spent countless hours and money on therapy that made me worse. It’s frustrating to think back on all the lost time, especially KNOWING I had OCD as a child, and that it duped me for so long afterwards in college and young adulthood. I’m more accepting towards it now, but I just really can’t emphasize enough how important it is for people to understand that OCD is not limited by “themes”, and that it uses anything to its advantage. The good thing is that once we realize that, the common denominator of OCD-thinking is easier to recognize in day to day life.
Is it true that OCD latches onto thing you value most? My themes are: pure OCD, POCD, and real event. If those are my themes, what does that mean about what I value?
I have been dealing with all random sub types the past 4 months and it seems like as soon as I don’t let one one obsession. Other me anymore, I have a couple hours of relief and clarity and then all of a sudden my mind will be like “you aren’t worrying about anything, that’s not normal, let’s try to find something to latch onto and bother you” and all I keep doing is letting things fizzle away and then it’s like I just cycle through my common OCD thoughts because I’m just so used to being anxious and worried about bothersome thoughts. And a completely new one came in recently that’s ridiculous and I am almost embarrassed to even say what it is
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