- Date posted
- 5y
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- 5y
Oh man. I can relate to this hard!!! Yes yes yes and yes. It causes me so much distress.
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- 5y
Alan I agree. I have my first appointment with my NOCD therapist next week. Part of me really wants to throw myself hard into therapy for the next 8 weeks. I mean in the end if it doesn't work then I'm just back to where I am now. However, if it does work then I can potentially have a lot of my life back. While I type that convincing myself of that is harder. However, if i really want to have a full relationship with my kids then I need to learn to overcome it and not give in to temporary relief. That's hard though when we have these neuropathways that say differently. It's odd because the goal is the same, just how you get there is different. OCD says in order to love your family give into your compulsions. The other side of me says in order to love your family you need to not give into your compulsions. I feel like often I'm on a fence dipping my toe into one side, then dipping it into the other side. At times I'm ready to jump, but then it's like, but will I be ok... Just jump Kevin... Are you guys in therapy?
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- 5y
How old are your kids? And what sub type of ocd are you struggling with specifically? I am on day 3 of Zoloft. I have ameeting with a therapist through kaiser on September 10th and then my first appt with a NOCD therapist on September 22.
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- 5y
@Freemeofocd 3, 5, 7. The subtype is something I go back and forth on, lol. Throughout my life I've experienced most of the subtypes. When I was a kid it was contamination and checking. I don't experience that really anymore. Now it's a mix of moral scrupulousity, some perfectionism, and a bit of POCD/Harm OCD. I don't have the strong POCD thoughts that others have where I actually believe that I might be a pedofile. It's just if a thought pops into my head it's stickier than for a "normal person". However, as I mentioned it's not always that I had that thought, like the thought doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I might remember that I had the thought. I know that doesn't make 💯 sense, but again, it's not logical. Good for you in regards to therapy. I have an apt with a NOCD therapist on Sept 1st.
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- 5y
Like do you struggle with contamination or pocd or zocd or harm ocd or HOCD?
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- 5y
I have not been diognosed yet but I'm suffering from anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts that cause me souch distress
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- 5y
What are they related to though? If you don’t mind me asking of course. Are they related to harming yourself or your family? Or sexually taboo thoughts? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable, I’m just curious
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- 5y
Its all kinds of crazy thoughts they can be sexual or of hurting my Kid my boy . Most of my thoughts now are of hurting my love ones especially my kid idk why it's scary and it's an obssevive thought annoying causes me so much distress
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- 5y
I guess one of the challenging aspects and I'm sure I'll go over this with my NOCD therapist once we start is I am not sure how ERP works with something like the above. With other more physical items I understand ERP, but when it's more just ruminating and feeling as though your life will never be the same because you are afraid of what you might remember in the future, how do you do ERP for something like that
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- 5y
i fear that i’ll never feel the same or be the same because of thoughts i’ve had
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- 5y
Yes I hear ya. It's crazy how sticky those thoughts can be. Even though no complusion changes the thoughts. It's a bizzare mind we have.
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- 5y
FreemeofOCD good to know it's not just me. One of the things (among many) I find challenging about OCD is how it constantly finds ways to be creative in trying to trap you.
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- 5y
I feel like I’m gonna be tied to a false memory I have forever. And it’s managed to attach itself onto my infant daughter. I start to panic when I think about how the rest of my life I’m gonna have to live with this fear and guilt and memory. Most people can just shrug things off and be like this is false, let it go. But my mind is stuck on it and is trying to convince me it is real. I imagine going through my whole life carrying this weight that no one knows about. And it drives me crazy. I feel so sad that I am allowing my mind to sabotage what should be the happiest time in my life...and taking away from precious moments spent with my daughter
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- 5y
@Freemeofocd I feel the same way you do my mind playing tricks on me and when I am at work it's when I feel the worst those dam intrusive thoughts just attack me 😞
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- 5y
@Freemeofocd I hear ya. I have items that attach to my kids as well. I feel like that is one of the worst things ever. It's all so odd because I can identify that my thoughts aren't logical, but that doesn't seem to matter because of the fear of OCD influencing my relationship with my kids. I hear OCD in my head say just give into the compulsion this time as you cant battle OCD when it involves your kids. At the same time if I can gain the tools I need through therapy then I feel like I should then be able to overcome anything. With that being said, I am still fearful. Hoping to gain the courage I need.
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- 5y
@kkny I feel the same way you do . It's a horrible feeling the sad part is just don't know how to deal with the issue
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- 5y
Dam that's harsh but sadly I'm dealing with the same issues but I try my best to stay strong for my wife and my Boy but then these thoughts seem to hunt me down and they attack me so much it's annoying and scary and I'm in such do distress
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- 5y
Alan, I hear ya. I have been working through Grayson's book and the reasons for overcoming OCD chart I filled out has my family as one of my top items. Thankfully I have an understanding wife, but at the same time I'd like her to not always be having to worry about my anxiety either. Also, I know there is a strong likelihood that one of my three kids will have OCD (just statistically saying). It would be awesome if I can recover enough to where I can teach them and prepare them for uncertainty in advance.
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- 5y
@kkny Same here my Wife truly understands me ... At first I was so scared to open up to her honestly but I overcame my fears and I had to let her know what I was feeling and she supported me and still supports me . And truly my anxiety is horrible especially when the horrible thoughts come in my anxiety grows
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- 5y
What subtypes do you struggle with?
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- 5y
@kkny Honestly I hope you get better and hope you can go back to being your normal self since I know you have not felt normal at least I know I haven't I'll pray for you tonight in my prayers
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- 5y
@Freemeofocd You are referring to as ?
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- 5y
@Alan.💪 Thanks Alan. I hear ya. The option is to get better or get worst. Temporary discomfort and victory or long term discomfort and more OCD.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.
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- 17w
my OCD is doing what it does best and it’s randomly selecting themes. Once I’m not scared or react to one it bounces to another. And then i temporarily forget all of my coping skills for that theme. Rn it’s fixating on the time I had a panic attack and it’s trying to make me have one again
- Date posted
- 15w
TLDR: The title. I often feel rush or excitement and curiosity about my OCD thoughts, and I am not shy of it. Do you have experience like this? I think I often feel a lot of excitement when I start to engage with some obsesive thoughts and when obsesive episode starts for me. Like I often find the idea or image very interesting and I am curious about it. But often there is a neat line between excitement and anxiety. Also often it may at first start with excitement but after a while I may feel anxious or traped of being in the loop and then also being anxious about the idea itself and possibilities or ruining things I care about or loosing them. And those aspects can come in various successions or sometimes multiple at once. I encountered some materials about people enjoying their obsesive thoughts but it was usually something else. They had this obsesive fear of possibly enjoying those obsesive thoughts. But I have it different. I know I do have this excitement, rush and curiosity. I know I may somewhat like them. And I do not shy away from that. Also sometimes enjoy compulsions, even lone compulsions without link to obssesions. Like I very rarely need to organize stuff or order them or place them perfectly, but sometimes I just get into it and it is more like I find it fascinating and funny that I can try for the impossible precision and I can feel urge to do it for nonsensical amount of effort. (But I am usually very messy, disorganized and careless about organizing physical stuff) The ocd is still very debilitating and taking a lot of time. And the OCD is still very anxious and sometimes desprate-like experience. The excitement about the ideas might be a good thing because maybe I might accept them better or perform some kind of exposure through it but it may also reinforce a loop. But it is fact that I sometimes enjoy my OCD thoughts, invite them, await them at smallest glimpse. It is just mostly matter of fact. And I am curious what this might mean for me and my OCD and for how I can work I'm with it and interact with it's what changes and options it gives. I am 30 year old and I struggle with OCD from at least 15 years old. I got myself officially diagnosed quite recently and I am on waiting list for a therapy. I have mostly pure or predominantly obsesive OCD but I still go through many mental compulsions and compulsive behaviors. I experienced many subtypes of OCD although not so much of the more traditional ones. My first subtype of OCD was a kind of meta-ocd. I remember how I like the character of detective Adrienne Monk. I liked the character. I did not have it formulated for myself at that age but he was so sensitive, fragile, perceptive, clever and a sort of inventive. The ocd seemed fascinating. Although his neuroticism regarding his environment would be total pain for me, since I was and I am a very messy and disorganized person. But I still vibed with him and sympathized with him. I felt interest and curiosity in being possibly sort of like him. But I felt fear of it as well. I feared I was like him or that I would have ocd. I feared performing rituals and I would sometimes perform them,.sometimes as the relief of confirmation sometimes as examination, sometimes as a sort of exposure therapy before knowing what exposure therapy was. I just had this conflicting fears, obsessions and compulsions about the prospect of having ocd. That was when I was around 15 years old. But through my whole childhood before that, I was already focused a lot on managing and controlling my own emotions to keep away from disappointments. And I was very socially and romantically anxious and had sort of low confidence or fear of low confidence. So those were childhood experiences that were not yet obsessive-compulsive like but which were on the way there. Also know that it is very probable I have some form of ADHD. My mother and siblings have it diagnosed. And I exhibit almost all classical symptoms despite being conflict-averse and diplomatic and therefore considered well behaved child. But doing some less serious and shalower testing with one psychology consultant, I scored way higher and clearer on ADHD test than on OCD test. I also just love novelty, and experimentation and exploration. And I may sometimes engage with obsessions and compulsions out of procrastination. Also my obsessions and compulsions are often chaotic, I often encounter dilema where I don't know what course of action would be compulsive and what would not. Or I am not sure If I am exposing myself and getting familiar with unwanted thought or if I am actually just fulfilling some other compulsions. Like if I am not turning exposure into another obsession. Like anything can become anything. And honestly? I probably do. And why not. Yes I am sometimes perfectionist in the most nonsensical ways. Thanks for reading through this whole thing and paying attention to what I had to say.
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