I think I’m at a point where I can no longer be helped. My thoughts seem too convincing, I can’t talk to anyone in my life about them. I feel like I’m going to be stuck with this mindset for the rest of life and I’m just going to continue to get crazier. I’m too afraid to interact with people irl because I’m afraid they’ll notice something is up, or that I’ll get thoughts. Almost my whole life is being consumed by these thoughts, I noticed a lot of things that used to keep track of in my day to day life I’ve completely forgot about. I’m worried if I see a therapist I’ll get misdiagnosed and only get worse. Everytime I try to remind myself of old morals my mind tells me that I was only being brainwashed and that I’m trying to brainwash myself again. It feels like I don’t even want to go back to my old life, it feels like I only want to follow these thoughts and see where they lead me and it sucks that I predicted all of this would happen. That my mind would come up with more unwanted stuff and I’d forget about everything I’ve ever cared about and become lost in confusion. I think I’d rather see someone in person than online, but I’m not sure about the therapists in my area or if they’ve ever even seen anything like what I’m going through. I don’t even know if it’s ocd anymore, but I really wish I could get out of this. It feels like I’m getting worse everyday even though I know it’s just all in my head and I need to let it go and focus on real life but I can’t stop worrying about what’s in my mind and what happening to me and what’s going to happen.

I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.

I feel like it's got to a point that I just can't deal with stuff on my own anymore. I've tried to help myself with compulsions and thoughts and behaviours and it helps to an extent but I feel like I just need more help. But I don't even know where to start, I've felt so ignored in the past and I don't even know where you can turn to. I'm in the UK so it's difficult, especially considering I'm only 17, to get any help for this kind of thing. I just want someone to talk to, something to help – medication, maybe? I want to try it, I want to see if it would stop the overthinking for a while. Stuff isn't as bad as it has been before, but I feel like I can't just leave this anymore. I just don't know who to turn to or where to go from here.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"