I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and insomnia since I was a young teen and am currently struggling with what seems like scrupulosity (for the past few months I've been fighting with thoughts and feelings that I'm not saved or not good enough to be a Christian and it keeps me up all night half the time). I desperately want help but I'm afraid that I'm just seeking a diagnosis to blame my shortcomings on something other than myself or that going to a therapist would prove that I can't trust in God and go to him first. And the truth is I truly haven't been a good christian and there are many sins I still haven't totally faced and overcome yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be able to. I just don't know how I KNOW if I'm really the problem or if it is OCD. And I'm not looking for reassurance but maybe I am? I just don't know... if it is OCD it also feels like my "obsessions" are constantly morphing and changing and I can't keep up with them. Like I'll go from having existential thoughts to questioning my belief in God to feeling like I'm gonna turn into a creep or lose my mind or turn evil in some way. I'm just so exhausted and need help. I want to be able to turn to Jesus for help but I don't always know how to... I have faith that things will eventually turn out OK but then as soon as a feel secure in that the anxiety and doubt comes back. And even as I'm typing this I'm having thoughts like "its not that bad you just need to toughen up and be patient" and I know that's true but I just feel so alone and like I can't talk to anyone about this and if I do it'll all prove to be true. And as I write this I wonder if I made up all of these thoughts and feelings because I read online and on here about OCD and I'm trying to fit myself into it as an excuse to avoid my real problems... which might just be perfectly true but even if it is I don't know how to fix those problems??? I just want to get out of this loop and be a better person. I don't know if posting this will help. Maybe its even a compulsion in itself. I just want to understand... how do I know if its OCD or if I'm being convicted? Or both?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I'm hearing a lot of doubt and uncertainty in your post. You're already grappling with distrusting a diagnosis, so much that you're not going to a professional to get one in the first place. It may help to remind yourself that you don't need to know what exactly you're dealing with to go to therapy and find it helpful. All therapy starts with assessment. That's precisely because clients aren't expected to be able to put all the puzzle pieces together on their own.

Andrewspriggs

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. I want to go talk to someone to get help but I guess I'm afraid that I'll find out that there's nothing wrong with me (psychology) which means all the bad things are true. But I guess getting diagnosed would be a good place to start even if thats true

Andrewspriggs

Date posted: 5y

@Andrewspriggs *psychologically

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Andrewspriggs People without diagnoses can still get a lot out of therapy

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

You said you were worried that going to a therapist would show a distrust in God. Here’s another way to think of it: God has many tools that He acts through. He doesn’t always just wave his hands and poof things are better, sometimes we have to find the tools that God left for us, and doctors and therapists are one of those tools. Another thing, from experience, if your suffering, then you deserve help and should seek it. Don’t wait for things to get “bad enough” or for proof that it’s an clinical issue. If it hurts you, it matters. Also—even if they don’t diagnose you with something, as someone who studies psychology, diagnosis are just tools and don’t cover every issue a person could face and just because you don’t have a diagnosis doesn’t mean your problem isn’t real. Plus, like Kaitie said, therapy can still be extremely helpful even if they don’t diagnose you.

Alyosha

Date posted: 5y

Aw...I wish I could give you a hug. You haven’t really pursued therapy for OCD yet. That said, you seem like the kind of person who tries to solve/fix things, which makes me think you’ve tried ways to solve this. How’s that working out for you?

Andrewspriggs

Date posted: 5y

Well... not great. I've tried to practice mindfulness and my own version of erp and sometimes they kind of work but not for long (of course I don't have a professional guiding me or anything and it hasn't been a very long time) and also talking to my friends and family helps and praying and going to church but maybe I just struggle with fully trusting in Jesus and believing he can change me. But sometimes I feel like I am trusting in him and then the next day I'm back to my old mindset. So no I haven't really fixed anything yet 😂

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