- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
With you both on this. I love life but man suicide OCD sucks. Suicide OCD is by far the worst theme I have dealt with. I have been doing very focused ERP on it for days and today the anxiety finally went away. Only for the sly dog to tell me the anxiety went away because I am really suicidal. Just keep pushing forward and enjoy life.
- Date posted
- 6y
YES YES YES. This is super common with suicide ocd! I have it too it’s more terrible than any other ocd I have had....I don’t want to die ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh my gosh this helps so much. I feel like suicidal ocd is really tricky bc people think that we want to kill ourselves based on what our theme is but we don’t!! I don’t want to but my brain is telling me I do
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you all ever get to where the suicidal ocd is so high that you “feel” like you want to? Even though I don’t! I want to live! But my intrusive thoughts have this anxiety around them that makes me feel like maybe I want to? Even though I don’t
- Date posted
- 6y
Does anyone ever feel like they’re doing better and then their ocd is like wait no you have negative thoughts you’re depressed and are getting worse. That’s gonna lead to suicide. It’s so scary and frustrating!
- Date posted
- 6y
Mate, I’m the same. The tears of joy are so nice when they come because it all breaks away and you realise of course I don’t want to do that and you thank god for life. I feel like my suicidal thoughts are definitely real and I definitely want to do it. That’s the worst part of this theme, it doesn’t feel like anything other than the real deal. Every day feels like you’re hanging by a thread which is terrifying, but OCD is generally that way for most people regardless of theme.
- Date posted
- 6y
Absolutely. It seems like some of us with Suicide OCD have congregated here so it should be a good place for us to speak. OCD is OCD, but I do think it is helpful to know you’re not alone in regards to this theme. This theme being particularly disturbing in the way that it interacts with genuine feelings of despair and depression associated with OCD.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Jackieboy This is what I'm dealing with currently. Like the despair that I have ocd is causing the intrusive thoughts that feel real emotionally. I know it's been awhile but hope you see this!
- Date posted
- 6y
Mine is constant. Nearly all day haha... My car veers into another lane slightly “maybe I was trying to kill myself” I get upset with something “maybe I want to kill myself” argue with someone “maybe I should kill myself” except I don’t bloody want to. But it doesn’t stop the hamster wheel narrative...
- Date posted
- 6y
Pretty tough but not losing my mind currently just got the dull background noise of OCD. Yes, when I look for suicidal OCD it’s nowhere to be seen like it just evaporates haha. It’s a war
- Date posted
- 6y
Same here exact same thoughts ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m the same! I feel like if the anxiety abt suicide goes away then I actually will do it. I don’t want to but sometimes my ocd tells me I want to....it’s hell??
- Date posted
- 6y
I kinda get mad sometimes about the trivial themes sometimes that people have here. I know you shouldn’t compare themes but ive had a few this one is by far the worst and my only now.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t actually want to I just feel like I want to, wondering if you call could relate? Didn’t mean to scare anyone ?
- Date posted
- 6y
@Dianaaa completely relate. It’s agonising. What has everyone here done for ERP?
- Date posted
- 6y
So thankful for everyone’s comments! I can relate with all of you. My suicide ocd went away for a little while but now it’s coming back up since I’m about to go on a trip in a few days and will be alone a lot. It just sucks because it does feel real and like you don’t know whether or not you’ll actually do something ?
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s the hardest part of it. That being a possibility is terrifying. But something we’ve gotta accept
- Date posted
- 6y
By the way Fellow suicidal ocd sufferers you should all look at this: https://youtu.be/Nu5zJLEhIKk
- Date posted
- 6y
I know me too!!!! It’s like oh my god I have ocd so that means I will end up doing it!! Literally had a panic attack for 3 hours after that...but!! If one has suicidal ocd? It means that we never will do it...just like pedophelia ocd people never end up touching kids, sexual orientation ocd never end up switching from their original attracted sex...we fear what we aren’t. So that helps. Some people with ocd May do it bc they do not have suicidal ocd, bc they do not care about killing themselves. But we do. It’s in our person that does not and will not do that, no matter how the brain tricks us. OCD does NOT change morals
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes! The narrative is “yep I definitely want to kill myself” or “I’m definitely going to do that” So fucking annoying
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah it’s a bit careless but a free exposure. I feel like I don’t care anymore whether I am or not because I’ve been so exhausted by this theme but then the thought of not caring triggers me and it’s like “CARE!!! You need to CARE!!!”
- Date posted
- 6y
CMG haha yes when i do erp and dont feel anxeity thats what my brain tells me aswell
- Date posted
- 6y
I know its horrible when it feels real. Awful theme indeed. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Jackieboy you literally just made me cry tears of joy. I’m so glad someone can relate and you all don’t just think I’m denying my suicidal thoughts! ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Same!!!! I feel like they are so real! But i also felt like it was real with my other obsessions, this one just scares the crap out of me because it’s actual DEATH I am afraid of, not judgment or rejection...terrifying! I feel like I want to kill myself like all the time but I dont! OCD is literally insane, but apparently 100% ego dystonic, meaning what one obsesses about with ocd is never true about ones self. Also, it helps knowing for me that no one has ever done what their obsession is telling them they want to do in ocd...which is just wow
- Date posted
- 6y
I was afraid and fixating on the death part of it but now I think about how it would ruin the lives of my loved ones which makes me think that I actually want to because I’m not obsessing about dying. The cycle continues haha...
- Date posted
- 6y
And this app is so triggering bc other people talk about actually wanting suicide bc of their ocd and the emails this app sends tells you to not kill yourself and both those things trigger me EVERY TIME! I wish there was a separate app for each specific ocd type
- Date posted
- 6y
Hahaha yep! It’s really tough but we gotta keep up the fight. And when we can, recognise the absurdity of it
- Date posted
- 6y
Totally agree with you.
- Date posted
- 6y
Same here when i read about suicide related to OCD i get panic attacks. We should all try to accept that we MIGHT be suicidal even though its horrible. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I watched this videos as soon as I developed the new theme and I PANICKED bc he said that people who suffer from suicidal ocd are a little more likely to commit suicide then a regular person!!!! Which isn’t true at all!!! People with ocd never do what their obsessing over ever, BUT I think it is his way of triggering us so we deal with the possibility of it....
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, my mom is a licensed clinical social worker and my therapist and they both said that the stigma of being depressed is falsely related to suicide. Apparently people who are depressed rarely commit suicide. Which was good bc I was scared of being depressed, checking my feelings, etc. so now it has just moved back to just plain suicide ocd and I’m no longer afraid of depression...but I should deal with the possibility of both those things being true!??
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep. Completely up and down. I generally feel way better at the end of the day, and I’ll think “ahh of course I don’t want to do that” and then worry and stress about whether I have wanted to do it at the peak of my anxiety and despair. As I’m typing this I’m worried about it haha...
- Date posted
- 6y
I just hate how it momentarily makes me feel like I want to...like?!?! I have NEVER WANTED TO EVER? It’s a nightmare when I get those urges to do it or convince myself I want to, ya know? ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you also experience a hard time triggering yourself for ERP? Like I am triggered 24/7 but when I try to do the excercises, my suicide ocd is so elusive it’s almost like I don’t even have it during ERP, and then I wonder if I even have ocd or am just suicidal?!?
- Date posted
- 6y
Diana and jackieboy same for me i get calmer during erp.. i try to find harder exercices right now.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m working my way up to doing ERP for suicidal OCD, working on POCD and ROCD first. Wanna do Suicidal ERP quick and get it away from me but probably good to have it be weeks away. My therapist knows it’s not urgent and I’m not gonna do it haha.
- Date posted
- 6y
How are you guys dealing with this theme? I don’t mean to degrade the suffering of others but this theme feels so intense and dangerous because I could literally kill myself 50 different ways with things in my house. Feels like I’m always hanging by a thread. Whereas other themes have been isolated like POCD would flare up around kids or ROCD around a partner but this is everywhere
- Date posted
- 6y
YES!!!! That is so true!!!! Life is a trigger, all of it, for suicide ocd. I would be able to avoid my trigger for for my sexual orientation ocd, but literally everything ties into this them. You aren’t alone! Remember, it always feels like you will but you won’t. Expect you won’t feel safe but people never do what they always feel they will. No one with ocd has ever done what they are afraid they will do. It is a worried disease. Just keep exposing yourself and just say hmmm, maybe I am, etc. does this help??
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep hahaha, it’s been 5 months and I genuinely cannot tell whether I’ve gotten better or worse.
- Date posted
- 6y
Sure why not!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes all the time. OCD. Remember it will try ANY thought or feeling to convince you. But you won’t.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think I’m just gonna stick with this app @Dianaaa but am happy to speak on here
- Date posted
- 6y
Jackieboy this helps so much. Could I ask you t keep responding if I post on this thread about my suicide ocd? Sometimes I just need someone who can relate! ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah of course!!!
- Date posted
- 6y
I was also afraid of depression and becoming depressed. My therapist also said i didn’t have any clinical symptoms of depression. Suicide ocd makes you believe that you must be depressed if you feel that way. I also got really scared when he said people with ocd commit suicide only a bit more which threw my ocd out the roof
- Date posted
- 6y
YES!!! It reoccurs getting better and worse and better in worse!! Then it’s like omg do I actually want to? But apparently it gets better or worse because anxiety comes in waves and is not constant, and ocd is an anxiety disorder so...with suicidal people I don’t think that want of dying fluctuates...but enough of reassurance! Maybe we do
- Date posted
- 6y
Does anyone get it to where literally any random thing you can tie back into proof you want to kill yourself? Also since suicide is higher in those with autism, ADHD, bipolar and schizophrenia, do you all over-analyze your thoughts and they are so random and scattered that you convince yourself you have a different mental disorder?? I do this ALL the time ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for making me feel uncrazy jackieboy! How are you doing tonight?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes! The erp does help me a lot. Does you guys ever deal with feeling like you’re getting better, then having a thought like omg am I really better? Then worrying so much and getting really sad and discouraged? I feel like the mind is so powerful in that way, then it worries me even more with my suicide ocd
- Date posted
- 6y
YES! I replied to your other post on this as well...oh my gosh guys!!!! When people on here post about actually being suicidal.....I GET SO SCARED!!! I have ocd and what if that means I will? I don’t want to it just flares my ocd up so much!! I hate how people write about this when we are so triggered by it........
- Date posted
- 6y
YES ME TOO! I had that last night actually ? I was like OH CRAP IM GOING TO DO IT....terrible!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey, llovestars, jackieboy, and swipx...would you all want to start like a GroupMe or a group text apart from this app? I feel it would be a bit easier and I know you are each good people bc everyone with ocd is super caring abt stuff ? would that be something that you would all want to to?
- Date posted
- 6y
Sure!
- Date posted
- 6y
Read trough all your comments now and laughed a bit. I feel exacly the same as you describe! How it all feels real and how awful it feels when anxeity goes away right now for example i look for anxeity to ”confrim” its not real but it wont show when i do that.
- Date posted
- 6y
Does anyone ever get stressed out that you want to commit suicide? Like not just the normal fear, a feeling like “I could just do it and slip away from all this” which makes me extremely sad and nervous and makes me wanna ask someone for help but I don’t want to feed the OCD but I also want to be sure I’m not a danger to myself??? Fuck this theme
- Date posted
- 6y
Remember, ocd is a worriers disease. It causes you to think and feel anything to convince you. But people with ocd NEVER do what they are afraid they will do. Never. It’s not part of ocd. If your theme is suicide, you never will. If it’s pedophelia, you never will. If it’s homosexuality, you never are. But it just feels terrible, but it doesn’t make you DO what you feel like you want to do and are afraid of doing.
- Date posted
- 6y
It makes me feel as if I do want to do it and I wouldn’t care if I did, but then the rational me that’s typing this obviously knows I don’t want that. It’s so scary, always feels like I’m at breaking point.
- Date posted
- 6y
It takes every experience I have and uses it as evidence for me going to commit suicide. So intense and unending...
- Date posted
- 6y
my email is ilovestars7575@gmail.com are you chatting through google chat?
- Date posted
- 6y
I write down feared sentences and then ruminate on them willingly. And only move on when the anxiety has diminished.
- Date posted
- 6y
Love stars I posted under harm ocd inviting anyone who has suicide ocd to email me your phone number at my spam email barbarapazzy@gmail.com (don’t judge me i was trying to come up with a weird name ?) so I can make the group chat! I think like 5 others are joining :)
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m from Australia so my phone number probably won’t work
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe we could all use our emails instead?
- Date posted
- 6y
Me too! Always feel new and worse than the one before. Never familiar. Always feels like you will kill yourself. I totally had the same experience. It feels like I want to and would enjoy doing it. Like? So terrible
- Date posted
- 6y
Can you give me your email? Join our group email for suicide OCD! We are chatting now
- Date posted
- 6y
Diaana didnt groupchat work? Emails go straight to all my devices and i dont want others to read.
- Date posted
- 6y
Try creating a spam one, just one with a weird name that isn’t on your devices. I will use your spam one once you email it to me. And no the group chat does not allow for group messages internationally with out a few :(
- Date posted
- 6y
*fee
- Date posted
- 6y
Ilovestars hey I will add you to the email once I get home!
- Date posted
- 6y
Jackieboy would you like to join our group email? We have I think 7 people so far :) just email Barbarapazzy@gmail.com if you would like to :) it’s specifically suicide ocd
- Date posted
- 6y
I need some tips on good ERP exercies. I tried to write down the worst thoughts possible but it doesnt create enough distress. How do you do your ERP?
- Date posted
- 5y
How have you guys been with this theme of late? I’ve had it for about 4 months now and everything you’ve described I’m in the SAME boat. Silliness with how similar it is
- Date posted
- 3y
How r u
- Date posted
- 3y
How is everyone
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 49w
Are any of you doing the exposure therapy?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.
- Date posted
- 18w
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
- Date posted
- 14w
the thoughts that have been making me super anxious recently is every-time I’m around someone im happy with my mind is like “they will miss you” or “they will wonder why you did it when your always happy” it’s eating me i hate it. i’m tired of this theme, it’s been on and off for three years. but it makes me more anxious now the it does before. please share tips
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