If OCD fear is based on mistakes from my past, if I don’t acknowledge it then how can I learn from it and not repeat the mistakes?

Do you feel a lot of guilt? Feel like you need to be punished? Even if what you did wasn't the major

I completely understand, what about a need to confess? You feel that by your carelessness and not learning from your mistakes that something horrible could happen and it would be your fault

Definitely have the need to confess. In someways I confess on this app because I don’t really have anyone to confess to. I also write things down but I’m scared that I’ll accidentally erase what I wrote and lose my thoughts. Fear of forgetting things and losing are so strong that what OCD tells me to do to prevent from happening makes sense.

Definitely OCD related. I have the same confessing feeling. Even with small things. Sounds like you have responsibility ocd

That if you forget something, do something, or don't do something that it will be your fair and responsibility if something bad hapoens

And sometimes you have to be honest and tell people about your illness and feel the fear but just tell them. I did that with my pocd and some people distances themselves where others stepped forward and should their love for me. It’s a great way of finding exactly who’s a friend and who isn’t. You’ve nothing to feel shame or guilt about. You’re a human being trying to get on in life, taking each day at a time!!! Keep your head high and be honest. Most people walk around as aliens and not humans. But one day it comes to us all in one guise or another and then they’ll need you there!! Xx

I do feel extreme amount of guilt but as far as needing to be punished, I’m not certain. Maybe subconsciously I do? But it’s mainly the overwhelming amount of guilt and not wanting to repeat it. I feel that I don’t learn from my mistakes and that caused many unnecessary unfortunate happenings that definitely could have been avoided. Also because of my fear of my carelessness that my dirty laundry caused by OCD will be exposed to the world.

My checking compulsion (my biggest problem) started after losing pets, family and sentimental items. One less sentimental item but was still a “part of me” was a phone that was stolen that had my ideas, thoughts and embarrassing pictures. So because if my carelessness in the past, I have to check. But I started doubting my checking that I started having to take pictures/videos which are on my SD cards. I’m so scared that one day because of my carelessness that I lose it and will end up in the wrong set of hands and the world will see my embarrassing ocd rituals. I’m trying hard to stop taking pictures but what was already taken I can not get rid of. Even if I did, I don’t know how many SD cards I went through because at the time I was more concerned about having those pictures. See how my past is haunting me now? If I was more careful and thought over about the situation I wouldn’t be afraid of it now.

The only way around it is to expose yourself to possibly losing and forgetting things

You have to be careless with minor things and realize nothing bad will happen

I’m extremely scared that people will find out about my embarrassing pictures of me performing my rituals, have no clue about why I had to take those pictures and ridicule me and think I’m a crazy person. Especially since mental illnesses are so misunderstood.

@socks23 I have told people. “Friends” and people I’ve just met. I’m not scared of telling them. I’m scared of a complete stranger finding my photos/videos. To give you an idea of how embarrassing they are, I take pictures of garbages just in case I didn’t miss seeing something important that I shouldn’t have thrown out, or videos of me doing my rituals so I know I did it right or did it at all because I sometimes forget if I did something but MOST embarrassing is of me doing my rituals naked. I didn’t want to say this because it’s extremely embarrassing but I wanted you to know the gravity of how scary this is. In a compromising, vulnerable state, a stranger who went through my pictures, who don’t know me, how would I then explain myself?

You don’t have to explain it. You didn’t mean to lose the memory card/phone- it was taken from you. Embrace it!! We all have our quirks. The likelihood of it being linked back to you is slim and would have happened by now. X

@socks23 the problem is I have more of those SD cards and because I’ve gone through so many, I lost count. I’m scared I’ll drop and lose them someday. And so if I lose one too many, there’s a good chance my feared outcome would happen. I’m so ashamed of how I’ve been subjected to my OCD.

Please don’t feel ashamed. There’s far worse out there for all to see all over the media and internet. You have an illness and you don’t want to do what you do. There’s people out there who choose to do things that others may disapprove of. You don’t have a choice as it’s a compulsion. Sometimes with ocd you have to give in to the thought that yes it may get out but you’ll deal with it if it does!! Do u have supportive family and friends? Xx