- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i start NOCD therapy this coming up week. i’ve heard existential ocd is actually a pretty common theme. mine is mainly questions like “is this real?” and overthinking basic things that never bothered me before.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’ve convinced myself that I’m a brain in a vat and that everyone else in this ‘world’ is just AI while I’m the only one with true consciousness. People tell me to embrace the uncertainty and that it could be possible but how could I ever be happy again knowing that? I look up things like dpdr and existential ocd and people say ‘you’re not alone because other people have these experiences’ but I feel like it’s just something out here by my ‘overlords’ to convince me that I’m wrong when I know the truth and to get me to go back to ‘living’ in blissful ignorance.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Also yeah, mine was triggered by overthinking on lack of sleep and then having an anxiety attack and then trying to find answers and going down a philosophical rabbit hole.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay you definitely aren’t alone. i experience dp/dr and it’s really unsettling, i know how it feels.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@anika2000 Talking to people helps. I don’t have friends and I think not having a social life makes it even worse. I hardly even talk to my family and I live with them. I love them but its hard for me. I’m an introvert. I’ve been spending more time with them now but it might be too late. My doctor told me to try and join a youth group at school but I don’t know. I’m scared.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y ago
NOCD Therapy really helped me.. r focus on the response prevention element of treatment and make sure your therapist focuses on how to help you resist compulsions
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@smsmith_14 I’m not sure when exactly I’m starting therapy, hopefully as soon as possible, but I’ll make sure of that. Thank you.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I guess depending on your fear, one thing I’ve learned is to believe in myself even if the worst thing can happen. Even if the worst does happen i believe I can make it through in some form, however it took a while to build that confidence. I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’ve heard that a lot but that’s the problem. My worst fear is that I’m the only person with consciousness and my entire life as all been a simulation and everyone else is just AI or something. I don’t know how I can be ok with that.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay That does sound scary. Have you felt like this before?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay I don’t really have an easy answer to that honestly I’ll try to get back to you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@anika2000 A little bit. Late 2016 I was going through a hard time but that slump that I was in was related more to death anxiety. Well, it started in late October 2016 and ended in January 2017. It had gone on for so long that my death anxiety had morphed into derealization at the start of the new year. I was so scared and thinking a lot of existential thoughts that it just became that eventually. It didn’t get so bad though because I was still in school at the time and had more engagement in life and things to keep me busy and was a bit healthier and getting more sleep so I eventually just snapped out of it. It started up again early this year in January as well because I accidentally listened to a podcast where the hosts got into the topic of simulation theory but I got over it pretty quickly for the same reasons I did last time. But then Covid happened. This time my feelings were triggered by an anxiety attack when I wasn’t getting any sleep and I immediately went looking for answers instead of shaking it off and going to sleep. Then I saw things like solipsism, brain in a vat theory, etc...someone brought up extisential ocd and i was like ‘oh, I have ocd, that explains everything’ but then everyone just kept saying ‘it could be true just embrace the uncertainty’ and that doesn’t help at all considering what my fear is.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Norf I know. I don’t know what to do with myself now. I think about suicide lately but I’m afraid of not existing. Also for some reason, even though I’m convinced that my family isn’t real, I think about the heartache it would cause them. They’re not real so it wouldn’t cause them genuine heartbreak plus I wouldn’t be around to experience their reaction anyway but I still find myself not wanting to do that to them. I’m probably just too conditioned to think that they’re real. Maybe I need to become more desensitized to the truth and just set myself free.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay I definitely think that quarantine and not being busy is playing a part. your brain is stuck in this loop and ive been there- still there. i always am looking up answers online and it gives me temporary relief but it actually seems to give me more anxiety later on. Try exercising and don’t search up your questions, try as hard as you can. you know you have OCD or you wouldn’t be on this forum! i’m here to talk if you need it. we’re in this together!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay Your life is precious. The life you live is precious! you can get through this, you have before!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@anika2000 After it happened this last time I spent the whole week after my initial panic attack looking things up but I’ve learned my lesson and don’t look stuff up anymore. I just wish I already had that sense when it did happen first. Thank you. I appreciate you taking your time to help me. I really hope I’m wrong.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
One of my main themes is existential OCD. I had a spike this past week of whether I and everything around me was real and anytime it popped into my head it just devastated me. I highly recommend, if you can, finding a therapist who is an OCD specialist. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the golden standard to be used for OCD. Talk-therapy won’t work and can sometimes make things worse. I used to be in talk-therapy before and it didn’t help whatsoever. It wasn’t until I connected myself with my current therapist that I finally started seeing improvement. ERP is used for OCD no matter what the theme is. I know it can sound too good to be true or that you “in too deep” to get help or see the effects of treatment, but ERP works so well it’s wild. Please make sure you get this type of treatment and you’ll see a difference. Good luck!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The thought of ERP really scares me but if I’ll take your word for it. My doctor said that she wanted me to get CBT.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i have been feeling almost exactly the same, i wasn’t sleeping at all either.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I had been going to bed at around 5 am pretty much every night since late April and had only been getting around 3-5 hours of sleep. I probably wouldn’t even be in this predicament if not for that.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay sleep is definitely an important factor when it comes to anxiety. i was prescribed larazaprem for 5 days to regulate my sleeping. i’ve been putting myself on a routine of going to bed around the same time and waking up early-ish. (i used to go to bed around midnight and would wake up around 11) have you expressed your concern about your sleep to your parents?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@anika2000 I have. They know I’m one to stay up late and obviously they’re not very happy about it (even prior to all of this) but never did much to stop me or force me to go to bed at reasonable times, just scold me. I should have listened to them. It’s hard to transition from going to bed at around 5am to 10 or 11pm. I’ve been going to bed at around 11pm to 2am since this started, which is a start. My body is so used to getting little sleep though so I usually wake up for a minute at around 3 or 4 am but fall right back asleep. I just have a hard time falling asleep in general. Always have. I’m not on medication but I take a melatonin to help me out.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@lypc Thank you. I promise I’ll try.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@lypc Sorry for the late reply but yeah, this app has helped me out quite a bit. I’ve repressed my ocd for so long. I’ve been having intrusive thoughts since first grade, and didn’t even know that they were a symptom of ocd till 2016. I just thought I was messed up in the head. I’m not alone, and I need to keep reminding myself that. Thank you.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think a question that comes up at least to me is that this idea is common among many movies, science fiction books, comics etc. is there a real purpose to be some controlled consciousness that exists in a world that tells this exact story, what do supposed overlords get out you have awareness of this. I do think there is value in focusing on your feelings and your own values and things you find importance, think to any tasks or hobbies you once enjoyed before all these intrusive thoughts or this idea popped up in your head. Think just how your life was different and all the care you you have for people now, when it comes to “what is real”
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yeah, ive been trying to remember how I felt before this. I haven’t completely given up and I’m still doing the things that I used to, or maybe even more than I used to because I’ve been taking walks and going out more often, and helping my parents out more often tha I did a few weeks ago but it’s still hard when there that voice in my head telling me that I’m just being controlled and everything I’ve ever know isn’t actually there. Maybe it’s just something that was sent to me to get me more involved in life and appreciate all the good things I have while they’re still here instead of locking myself in my room and sitting on my computer all day. Or maybe not. Who knows.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jay For the record I have a different sort of ocd, but I found that trying my best to look for myself and really experience life rather than run from it and all the risks made me improve a lot. I still do even when I have majorly recovered ask myself if any of this is real. But rather than fixate on this possibility I look for what I can trust in, and lately for me that’s been my martial arts and my working out, stuff I truly love and I use those to ground, what let’s me know what is truly real. I hope you can find whatever helps ground you in the face of all these odds and anxiety you feel
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Norf I see. I’ve been trying to do the same. I’ve started baking and stuff with my mom and it helps a lot and I want to start getting back into drawing. Thank you for the advice. :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗
- Date posted
- 16w ago
Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this
- Date posted
- 13w ago
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond