I need your help I really need your help right now. I was masturbating because I wanted to make sure that I get turned on from my boyfriends image but there was always thoughts about children coming up, not even specific images but just the thought of the word. I immediately stopped and thought “No I don’t want to think of this” and after it was gone I kept imagining my boyfriend. Then another thought came up. I did the same as before. This happened a couple of times during masturbation but I always tried to focus on the thought of my boyfriend. Right now I am anxious and afraid because I didn’t stop masturbating completely. I feel like those thoughts could have influenced me during the masturbation

This is OCD talking. You masterbated as a form of compulsion to prove to yourself you are attracted to your boyfriend, after your distressing thoughts about children. Of course you were not turned on by these thoughts. That's why you masterbated as a form of checking because you were so scared. When you're trying to block a thought from you're mind it will constantly pop back up. The harder you try to suppress it the more it reappears. This is why meditation and mindfulness teaches us to acknowledge the thoughts and then live by our values. Example: *Thought I'm attracted to children* (okay I've acknowledged it and accepted the uncertainty. It doesn't matter because I love my partner. I enjoy my relationship both physically and mentally. I would not harm a child.) *Carries on living by my values* You anxiety seems extremely heightened atm but please remember you are experiencing OCD. Try meditation and seek out a therapist, CBT will really help xxxxxx

chillout n relax. concentrate on breathing & drink water.

Yes I try to, but I need to know if what I did was wrong

u were masturbating. its human nature. nothing wrong. if some random thought pops up. its not ur fault. mind keep throwing random thoughts 24 x 7. so nothing to worry about.

I just can’t stop thinking about it. I woke up anxious about my POCD and images of children and wanted to convince myself I am attracted to my boyfriend and I feel like everything got worse I don’t know I’m thinking “Why did you masturbate in the first place when you woke up worried about being attracted to children” “where you aroused by those thoughts and just use your boyfriend as an excuse” I don’t know anymore

u r all ok. these things happen with everyone. dont stress it.