I'm usually searching threads trying to help folks with their vastly different OCD issues. But now I'm having some issues and would like some support. I'm a 42 year old man. I have had OCD since I was a kid. Most of my symptoms are internal intrusive thinking and then repeatedly saying phrases in my head to counter the thoughts. A few years ago I began slowly tapering off of my benzos and started trying to deal with the anxiety myself. It's been a tough road but I have myself down to a very low dose now. The problem I have now is I have a spell about 3 times a year where things get difficult. I start thinking I have dealt with this for long enough. It has affected my marriage, lost me precious time with my kids and now I'm starting to have issues with being anxious around my own family. I stutter when talking and feel like a total idiot. I don't know how to stay calm without the benzos. After so many years im getting so tired of dealing with this. The doctor raised my SsRI recently, probably a month ago. It really hasn't helped much.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

Medication for OCD? Hello all, 19 male here, this seems like a cool community that isn’t nearly as triggering as reddit. I have pretty severe bouts of existential thinking or fear of going crazy ( psychosis ) after some pretty heavy mushroom trips a few years ago, I know logically I should be fine but I do know what it’s like to lose it and it’s scary. Currently I deal with relationship focused OCD, it’s all day from before I even open my eyes. I want things to work out with my girlfriend badly. Also I can come close to a panic attack sometimes which perpetuates everything. Anyway, I mention the fear of going crazy because the way my anxiety/derealization makes me feel is that I’m not mentally stable cause I feel out of it or unreal. I saw that a lot of anxiety and depression medication can cause psychosis and I feel like I could use some help in getting ahead of my OCD because the compulsions are had not to give into when I’m in such distress/not knowing. Plus overall I just feel like I have no idea how I feel about close to anything. Anyone relate about that ?

This is kind of a weird question, but I recently increased my SSRI dosage and have experienced tremendous relief. It has quieted my intrusive thoughts so much and my compulsions are no longer as all-consuming. However, I don’t want to be on this high of a dosage forever and know that medication alone shouldn’t be my only fix. I’m seeing a new psychiatrist on Wednesday and am wondering if the recent decrease in frequency of my symptoms will be a bar to my getting ocd treatment? In other words, if in this present moment I’m doing better, but up until a few days ago my compulsions were taking up pretty much every moment of my waking day, will I still be classified as having ocd? I start getting worried when I feel better that I don’t actually have ocd and just use it as a defense mechanism to avoid consequences of my actions/I’m secretly a terrible person