This isn’t ocd related but I would really like some help. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about two and a half years and I have some problems. -She never texts back and says it’s cause of her ADHD (I do believe her) but this is a problem because I need to just talk to someone through the day -I am always the one who has to make plans -I always compliment her always call her a beautiful angel all that stuff but she rarely compliments me -I just don’t think I am getting the appreciation I deserve -I know she loves me but I feel like I love her a lot more Overall I love her and I want to marry her but I just don’t know what to do. It’s depressing to stay in a relationship where it feels so one sided. Idk if we should take a break or what but it’s just hard. If anyone has any advice about relationships at all please tell me.

pureolife

Date posted: 4y ago

If you’ve brought this up repeatedly and nothing has changed, it’s likely not going to. She doesn’t want to do the things you want her to (for whatever reason), even if it would mean a lot to you. First and foremost you have to accept that to move forward. Second is that it sounds like you are very much a “words of affirmation” love language style. Perhaps she has a different style. Maybe she even wishes you used her language more as well. Does she exhibit other styles like acts of service? Perhaps you just aren’t hearing her love language the way she feels comfortable expressing it. Third I do see a bit of a boundary issue here. She doesn’t want to talk to someone via text all day and you feel you NEED to. If you have an anxious attachment style and she has an avoidant one, you could be simply overwhelming her with affection and constant contact, when she actually wants and needs more independence and space. If she never has a chance to miss you or feel separate from you, she likely won’t feel or express that sense of appreciation you so crave.

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y ago

I’ve been in this position many times before. My partner is not very affectionate and used to have a hard time with what I asked as well. What I did in turn was that I became 100% honest with him, and told him that if he does not meet my needs, we will have to take a break or end our relationship. It’s terrifying and not fun, but I was tired of asking so often. The issue was that I never gave him the time and space to grow and show me the love I wanted to be shown, and that he didn’t understand how serious it was to me to feel appreciated. In the end he took it seriously and worked on it slowly, it was bumpy because he wasn’t used to it. The key to fixing problems is time and patience, and the communication of urgency about the issue. I know you can do this and I know you guys will be fine, and hey, if you end up taking a break that is perfectly okay and normal. My boyfriend and I have been on two breaks and have been dating just a bit longer than you :). It’s normal and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, relationships can just be a lot of work and sometimes we need to make time for our own self love and individuality. And maybe a break isn’t what you need either! Maybe it’s just some space while she learns to fix these issues that you have presented. Needless to say I hope it goes well and if you need to chat about this, please feel free to reach out:)

MrKo264

Date posted: 4y ago

Talk to her and tell her how you feel and ask her what's going on

anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

That’s the thing I have brought all this up at least 10 times. Each time she says she’s sorry but doesn’t change.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

@takingdownocd that’s not fair to you at all:( you deserve all the love in the world. it’s out there.

MrKo264

Date posted: 4y ago

If she's not willing to make changes then maybe it's not worth your effort either

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y ago

^^^ this is very important too. I was very much so like the poster in terms of needing to talk all the time while my boyfriend is more avoidant. In turn I didn’t allow him to miss me or want me as much as he wanted to because I was always anxiously loving him. It took me a couple months to realize this and move around it, because realistically loving through anxiety is a cope for the inside. It really benefited my relationship to take a step back from wanting to always be around him, always want to text etc. and allowed me to learn a healthy attachment style that helped my relationship flourish.

King silly

Date posted: 20w ago

Is this ocd?

I’m not saying any of this to be rude or hateful in any way!! Basically, I like this guy and I really love him, but, everytime I look at this one photo of him, I keep noticing he looks unflattering and it makes me worry, because I’m scared what if he’s ugly? And why does that even matter? Why can’t I just love him in peace without having to check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly? Like that sounds really rude and disrespectful and it hurts even more to know that he’s self conscious and I would NEVER want to hurt him so I don’t tell him I check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly, I get anxious when I notice/feel that he is unattractive/unflattering, so I check till I feel certain that I don’t think he’s ugly, why do I even do this? Why does it matter? Why does my brain make it difficult to even look at a photo without worrying, can I be normal? I say “I think he’s cute/I love him” to his photo and my brain is like “nope cuz he’s unattractive” then I get worried and for what??? I ask myself why do I care and I genuinely don’t know

Relationship OCD

kelsey46

Date posted: 18w ago

Does anyone have narcissism OCD?

I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist

Jesuslover28

Date posted: 13w ago

Idk what to do

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

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