I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts. My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself." I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the random, weird, intrusive thought to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. Basically why did my therapist say "In the grand scheme of things."? It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise. I thought we accepted the thought itself, not the content inside of the thought.

I have asked and they didn't give me an answer. It's really been bothering me.

Thank you. So, I'm not supposed to actually smear soap across my TV and leave it? That would damage the pixels & coloration. I can just let it be a thought?

@OCD1994 Be comfortable with the fear.

@OCD1994 It’s best to work through these nuances with your therapist. But my observation is you’re just too hyperfocused on treatment.

This is the right answer.

I'll try to just live it. Thanks, this is a good way to look at it.

@OCD1994 live* with it

I think you brought this up once before, and it seems like you’re obsessing over treatment.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett It's more of not understanding treatment. I thought the goal was to trigger our intrusive thoughts & not do compulsions. All ERP has ever been taught to me is actually doing & liking the content inside our thoughts until we habituate to it & this method I don't agree with. If I had a thought that I was going to throw my phone in a lake, I'd want that to just be a thought, not turn it into reality by actually throwing my phone in a lake. This is just one example, but it's where I run into problems with ERP.

I’m sure you guys can come to a greater understanding about what she meant. It’s likely she was just saying, generally, that it wouldn’t be a big deal if you did smear soap on the TV. She probably wasn’t making that a suggestion of what to do, per se. This has just become this thing your OCD has attached to.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Yes, it's partially my OCD, but also, I feel like as me, I do need clarification from them. I struggle with what to do with the random, intrusive thought "Go smear soap on your TV." I'm going back and forth with "Well, she said it wouldn't matter if you did, but she also said to accept the thoughts without meaning anything". It's mixed messages causing a great deal of distress. I'll keep trying not to let it get to me & look at the bigger picture of it all.

@OCD1994 I’d say those statements don’t contradict one another. It wouldn’t be a big deal if you smeared soap on your TV, and you should accept the thoughts as being meaningless.

When were you giving meaning to them?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett In my view, when my therapist and I discussed that smearing soap across the TV wouldn't matter. But as me, separate from OCD, that'd be bothersome anyway. The original intrusive thought was "Smear soap across your TV". Can we not just let it remain a thought?

@OCD1994 But they didn’t tell you to do that, they just said it wouldn’t matter anyway, right? But sure, why couldn’t you let that just be a thought?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Correct, they didn't tell me to do it. I'm equating "it wouldn't matter" to if it wouldn't matter, that means I need to do it. I'm messed up. I'm overthinking it probably.

@OCD1994 You’re definitely overthinking it.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I just know it would matter to me, as me, to lather a lot of soap onto my TV screen. No, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but I feel like I'm supposed to be completely impartial to it, yet as a human being, I have feelings about things.

@OCD1994 “Should” is a very loaded word that we use often. Should implies there’s some sort of order, some sort of universal system of cause and effect in the world that shouldn’t be violated. Truth is, life is far more complex that that. Sure, maybe something “should” be something, or it could be something, but we’re dealing with what IS. Why “should” you not have emotions about something?

I don’t think it’s annoying, no.

It’s definitely clear this is an obsession and the need to know is a compulsion. It’s just another form your OCD has taken/

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett My therapist replied with this: "My recommendation would be to not engage/participate in the 'what should I do about this thought/urge' line of thinking at all. In other words, drop the rope and find something else to do."

@OCD1994 That’s a great reply.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Yes, I think it's helped clear up that she didn't want me to actually lather soap on the screen.

@OCD1994 Sure, but the greater point she was making was that the *entire* project of trying to figure out what she meant or what to do about the thought *was* just you compulsively analyzing something. It didn’t matter if she did or didn’t intend for you to actually do it, because why is that something you have to figure out to begin with?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing when I got an intrusive thought. Let it be or turn it into reality. That's why I asked her for clarification.

You do what your therapist said, which was just drop the question entirely.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett It's what I'm trying to do. I keep getting thoughts of her saying "it wouldn't matter either way". But the truth is, it would matter. It would make me comfortable to willingly stand up right now, go get a lot of soap & then smear it on my TV. It's not supposed to matter either way, but I prefer not to have soap lathered on my screen and I worry about what this means about me as a person.

@OCD1994 *uncomfortable

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I wouldn't want to willingly lather soap across my TV screen. This would bother be regardless of OCD. I worry about what this means about me, that I wouldn't like to lather soap across my screen & damage it.

@OCD1994 It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to figure it out.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I guess not.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I'm still distressed because in the grand scheme of things, it would matter to me to smear soap on my TV. Maybe my therapist didn't know this, but film and television is a passion of mine. I want to work in this field some day. Also, I've always found an escape through movies & TV. There's other things I like too, but I care about this area. Would it be the end of the world if my TV was damaged? No. I do care about it though. I do. And I'm tired of feeling like I deserve to suffer because I do.

@OCD1994 It’s not about deserving to suffer or not. It’s just something that’s happen. A lot of things occur that people don’t necessarily deserve (think poverty and hunger). It’s not important that your therapist doesn’t know your particular hang ups. Because you’re preoccupied with a question that doesn’t matter.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett The question does matter though. It wouldn't be the end of the world if soap was smeared across my TV, however, I like to watch my TV without soap smeared all across it. In that sense, it does matter.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Soap smeared and dried on a TV screen would likely damage it. I would rather not risk it and have that happen.

@OCD1994 I know you’re struggling, but until you accept that needing to figure out if it’s okay to wipe soap on your TV or not, or if should do it, is not a question you need to answer you’re going to go in circles.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I want to let it go. When a mental health professional tells you it wouldn't matter if you damaged something, of course it's going to bother me.

@OCD1994 But it wouldn’t. It might damage a TV, it might be an action you wouldn’t want to take, and you might regret if you did do that...it still wouldn’t matter. Not in any long-term, cosmic sense. But that’s not the issue, it’s that the entire preoccupation with trying to figure out what they meant and what action you should take, etc, also doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be preoccupied with it.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett But then what action do I take when I sit down to enjoy a movie or show on TV?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Another confusing thing is that I emailed an OCD specialist and asked for a second opinion. They said smearing soap across the TV would be distressing anyway & wouldn't recommend I do that for exposure. So Im getting conflicting information from people and it's hard knowing what to do.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett What I'm basically saying is I don't want to damage a TV just for the sake of doing that. I don't see how that's going to move me forward in any way.

@OCD1994 No one asked you to smear it on the TV. What you would do is sit down and watch TV. Then you’d resist the compulsion to ruminate/analyze/check/clarify what you’re supposed to do when to watch TV because it’s irrelevant.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Yes, this is what I want to do. It's then I get thoughts like "smearing soap across your TV isn't supposed to bother you at all, like your therapist said, so do it." It's hard to just sit and do nothing when these things were actually said and I'm supposed to be A-OK with smearing soap everywhere

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett But do you see how it would matter to me to damage my TV, on a level that I enjoy being able to sit down and watch my TV sometimes.

@OCD1994 I don’t think the claim was the thought “shouldn’t” bother you. I think they were saying that even if that did happen, it’s not a big deal. You’d have a damaged TV, but life would go on.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Yes, life would go on. At the same time, I'd be pretty upset I wasn't able to enjoy a hobby anymore.

@OCD1994 I know TV isn't everything, but it's something I like and enjoy.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett And for ERP, I thought we weren't actually supposed to damage things to move forward?

@OCD1994 You gotta just let the whole question about figuring out whether or not you’re supposed to do it go. THAT’s the core issue here. It’s not that it might be damage the TV or not, or whether or not you’d be bothered by that, it’s that you’re entirely preoccupied with what to do about a single thought. When the thought requires no analysis or further attention.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett But do you see that it would bother me, as myself, to lather soap/damage my TV. I don't want to do that. And Im afraid because I don't want to do that & it'd bother me, that there's something wrong with me.

@OCD1994 Damaging things can be bothersome, yes.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett And I don't want to risk damaging my TV by smearing soap all over it. My goal is to be able to watch it. Before all of this happened, I was having a hard time watching TV because it gave me enormous anxiety. Now, I feel like the "in the grand scheme of things" has amplified that 10x. I know I'll have to let it go. It's letting it go that's been so hard. I'm losing sleep over this, just hearing my therapists words repeat "in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't matter to smear soap over your TV." Damn it, I just want to move on with my life.

@OCD1994 Plan an exposure about it with your therapist if it’s particularly sticky for you. I’m sure they’ll have ideas on how to move past it.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I'm not seeing my therapist anymore. She's asked me not to contact her anymore.

@OCD1994 I’m sorry to hear that. Was it because you were checking with them repeatedly about this?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I let them know that it really bothered me and that I was confused about what they were trying to say. I saw them for two more sessions just describing how badly this has affected me. And then I got an email asking not to contact them anymore .

@OCD1994 So probably yes, but also, I found it unprofessional that they couldn't help in some way.

@OCD1994 Was this through NOCD?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett No, a local specialist in my area.

@OCD1994 Well, for whatever reason I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but you do have to move on from this obsession.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thanks & yes, I know I do.

@OCD1994 Is NOCD available to you?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett It is and I've gone through a course of therapy with a NOCD therapist before, but the sessions have ended.

@OCD1994 Ah, well it sounds like you’re just struggling with the concepts of what ERP is supposed to be. At this point, what are your goals?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett One of my goals is to be able to watch TV without an enormous amount of anxiety on my shoulders all the time. Tonight, I did an exposure and watched my TV. I still got lots of thoughts that I was supposed to be smearing soap on my TV & that bothered me.

@OCD1994 Good! Just focus on resisting compulsions while you’re doing it. The thoughts and unpleasant experiences can come.

I don’t mean this is an aggressive or condescending way, but the thought doesn’t matter.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett No it doesn't, does it? I think I'm losing my mind. I'm really scared. Why am I trying to answer this?

@OCD1994 I'm in a state where I don't really even know what I'm trying to answer anymore, put it's like there's a dagger placed in my brain where there's an unsolved question, but I don't even know what the question is anymore.

@OCD1994 It is possible to put the question down.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I want to put it down. When I try, it's like my mind forces me back to the question without my will. Do I accept that I don't need to know to move forward. Is there a strategy that works for you when it's hard to put thoughts down?