For me, nearly everything is a repetitive struggle. Flipping light switches, closing doors, pouring milk in my cereal bowl or in a glass to drink, putting on a pair of pants or socks, walking on/past sewer manholes and drains on the street, walking past garbage cans, walking past or near something that is or looks like animal feces (such as bird poop or dog poop etc.) and of course, handwashing. Even typing on this phone right now is a struggle, if at any given moment I "feel" a particular sensation like a wet spot on my lip or a nerve in my foot while I'm typing, I have to back space and retype what I was going to type the first time in hopes that maybe this time I won't "feel" that sensation again otherwise the cycle will repeat itself until finally I do not "feel" a sensation at all and am satisfied enough to continue typing. These are just some of the many examples I suffer from. Ive decided to come on here and share my story with others out of pure desperation in hopes of finding someone who will give me the ASSURANCE I need to escape from this "monster" this "bully" living in my head by providing me with a logical explanation with the support of facts and scientific evidence as to why these repetitive "rituals" and cycles are unnecessary and why the beliefs Ive invented in my mind are in fact false and unrealistic. One of my most extremely irrational beliefs I've invented for example is dripping water from my hands onto a surface where germs are present; by dripping water from my freshly washed hands onto a dirty floor my mind has trained itself to believe the germs from the floor have somehow bounced back up onto my hands, causing me to then have to wash my hands again for relief of anxiety. Same goes with pouring milk in cereal or in a glass; if the milk were to splash on the floor out of my glass or bowl I then feel like the germs have bounced back up into my bowl or glass. Same goes for spitting; whenever I spit on the ground it cannot be on a manhole cover otherwise Ive convinced myself I have sewage in my mouth, I then have to spit again and again and again until finally I have found a surface I believe is "clean" enough to spit on. Same with urinating; It has gotten so bad that I will not urinate in a toilet in fear that the toilet water will splash back up on my penis, instead I would rather go outside and urinate, but even if I do that, say if I were to accidentally urinate on a surface with bird feces, I will then feel like I have bird feces on my penis. I just want to be able to pee in a toilet again like a normal person. This is all so embarassing but I TRULY NEED help. Please someonere, help me get my life back. I just want to be normal again.

Hi everyone. First time here. I suffer from Contamination OCD. I have a good support group in friends, family, and my boyfriend, but I have not met anyone else with OCD and I needed to reach out to others to find help. I first got OCD when I was 17 (I am now 33) and was able to go into remission, but COVID brought it back. I was struggling at work (which was outside with the public). I found a therapist and she wrote me a doctor’s note suggesting I be allowed to work from home. My work was not accommodating at all and only offered me FMLA leave, so I took it as my only option and eventually got on Short Term Disability. The whole process took forever and was incredibly stressful. My leave was supposed to be a time of healing and it just made my OCD symptoms worse. My employer basically treated me as though I was trying to get out of work and proved to me that though they talk about the importance of mental health, they don’t take mental health seriously. I ended up having to leave my job “involuntarily due to health reasons” as they would not grant an extension nor let me return with any restrictions/accommodations. My therapist seemed good at first, but it became clear that she wasn’t really helping me. She would often use our sessions to vent about the insurance company and in one session, she basically called me a hopeless case and kept saying “I don’t know. I am concerned. I don’t know how you are going to be able to function” and threw out the word hospitalization, though she did backtrack on that one. I struggle everyday. I am worried that something from outside of the home touched something clean and is now contaminated. I need help working through this. I am constantly looking for reassurance, question if things are clean, wash my hands, use too many disinfectant wipes, and take showers upwards of 50-60 mins. I feel like my mind is being taken over by my OCD, I’m losing time, and it’s straining my relationship. For anyone who is struggling with contamination OCD brought on by COVID - any tips? My therapist never gave me anything specific to work on with this - to help me focus on something else. I am in the process of finding another therapist, but until then - any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

hi! I really need someone to help out right now. I would appreciate it so much. Thanks:) I know this is kind of long, but please help me out and read it. please help confirm for me that the symptoms im experiencing are just extreme existential OCD, depersonalization, and anxiety. it would make me feel a lot better. 7-8 months ago a traumatic event led me to experience severe depersonalization. ive had OCD for as long as i can remember basically, but it’s become a lot worse from this. i am a very big overthinker, so i tend to over analyze a lot of the things going on around me, my perception of everything, my thoughts, etc. it’s gotten so bad because of the depersonalization that i at times really can’t function anymore. one day, all i’ll be able to think about is the irrational fear that i somehow am going to die and there’s something terribly wrong with my brain, like cancer or something. then the next, i’ll be freaking out, worrying that im gonna go crazy. like this is some kind of early onset schizophrenia. i start doing research and i start obsessing over each and every thought i have, everything i see, etc. then i’ll be paranoid about my family, worrying that none of them are real and they’re imposters or something. i know it’s irrational. i recognize that and don’t genuinely believe it. but the fact that this thought worries me concerns me even more because it leads me to believe im going crazy. i am having existential crises regularly. like, all the time. it’s actually ridiculous. i’ll be reading a book and i start contemplating the English language and how it came to be, and then language altogether, and then how humans were able to create and understand language, and then how they were able to sound it out, how sound exists altogether, and so on. lol. like what the hell? a few days ago i was looking out of my bedroom window, and all the sudden had the intrusive thought come into my head, “what if this is just a simulation and what you see outside of your window is merely a two dimensional image?” and then i almost had a full on panic attack. anyways, those are some examples. i’m so worried. i feel like i have no control over what freaks me out anymore. i feel like i have no control of my brain altogether. i don’t want to go crazy. i don’t want to feel like im stuck in a dream anymore. im so scared. somebody please help me. i live my life in fear, worrying about everything i perceive. im exhausted. i can’t tell anyone because i don’t want them to worry, or think that im going crazy. that’ll only reinforce my fears.

I don’t have body odor (genitalia), but I had an incident when I was 19 and was on my period. I waited too long to change my napkin and I got a whiff of my scent. It gave me the OCD I have today. I’m 54 and 10yrs over with periods, and just goes to show how the brain can be your worst enemy. You see, I know I don’t smell, and I don’t spend much time showering or laundering, but when I’m public, I think people think, that I think that I can smell myself. Pretty much am fearful that I give off the vibe that I smell. It is Sooooo twisted. I bet most people can’t even understand this. I think “they” are looking at me and judging me and can tell that I am not comfortable with my nether regions. It’s crazy even typing this out. I don’t like crouching, sitting cross legged and other various positions that send me into BIG Time ANXIETY. I can’t think, I sweat, my heart races, I feel like the world is saying “You are so weird. What’s wrong with you. Ewwww!” I did some ERP for a few months, but then I’m fine for a while and then BOOM it comes back. I’m uncomfortable with my body I suppose. And my brain keeps looping on that day when I was 19. Just had to tell my embarrassing story in case someone else feels embarrassed as well. I’m trying to sit with it, haha, sit with it really. But if anyone has something similar to my type of OCD, I’d appreciate your opinions or experience or just acknowledgement. No need for detail if you don’t want to share. Thanks everyone. ❤️