lucy.wilefirr
- Date posted
- 4y
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
Sexual abuse would involve actively harming someone. Not having a thought. You are performing a lot of mental compulsions here (mental reviewing, reassurance seeking, internet research). I know this thought freaked you out. And I know the compulsions you have already performed are backfiring and making you more panicked. Time to stop with these compulsions. You thought someone was cute before you knew how old they were. And once you did, you felt a little weird about it. That’s okay. Feel weird. And stop trying to do anything to analyze, neutralize, or suppress that feeling. Just have it. Maybe it meant something about you, but maybe it didn’t. You actually don’t need any more certainty than you already have in this moment. Just be uncertain and uncomfortable. Let it pass on its own.
lucy.wilefirrlucy.wilefirr
- Date posted
- 4y
Gosh it feels so incredibly real . Like the order of the thoughts too. I had this similar experience with the same video before where I thought he cute then got a closer look at him and realized it was just cuz the thumbnail didn’t give me a good look at face and was embarrassed at liking him cuz he was 14 and then I forgot about the incident . Then today the video of the damn kid pops up again , and I think “he cute “ then “isn’t he 14” and then “he’s cute “ and continued looking at him for like 2 seconds . Was it because the “isn’t he 14?” Didn’t register , I’m not sure . Then I looked at it again realized I was right that he is 14, and then freaked out . So it feels as if there’s proof I’ve done something awful and I really can’t stop .
c_soccerc_soccer
- Date posted
- 4y
@Lucy.Wilefire I completely understand this. I have had so many thoughts like this before. You are not a bad person for thinking they are cute. I didn’t do anything towards them. It was just your thoughts, and you are not your thoughts.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Lucy.Wilefire You’re mentally reviewing the event, again. Which is another compulsion. These compulsions aren’t helping you get more clarity or certainty and relief. They’re doing the opposite. Just sit. Do nothing. Feel this weird feeling. Take a deep breath. Go about your day. It will eventually pass on its own.
lucy.wilefirrlucy.wilefirr
- Date posted
- 4y
@c_soccer The weird thing is that the photo makes them look a bit older at first cuz it’s a thumbnail and ther isn’t detail but when you look closer you realize he actually did look 14. And then I wasn’t attracted to his kiddish features . I still feel like I’ve done some grave moral mistake
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Lucy.Wilefire You’re still doing mental compulsions and mentally reviewing this. Do you see you’re doing it? You have to make the decision to stop and then hold yourself accountable. It will FEEL like you’ve made some grave moral mistake, for now. It’s okay to feel that and fear that it’s true. But just sit with that feeling and lean into the uncertainty: maybe that’s true. But maybe not. And look no further for the answer. Accept that you don’t know. Accept the feelings you have. And allow that they may or may not be true.
lucy.wilefirrlucy.wilefirr
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Yeah you’re right . I’m going to try to just do my homework . Thank you SO MUCH for helping me
Dom1998Dom1998
- Date posted
- 4y
Girl stop asking for reassurance, its going to make your OCD worse. I'm lowkey tired of opening this app and seeing you post every 30 minutes lol your ocd is getting worse and worse the longer you stay on this app and having to seek reassurance
c_soccerc_soccer
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand where you are coming from but the whole purpose of this app is for people to seek reassurance and help. Just ignore it if you want but if getting reassurance is helping someone than that is great
hopehope
- Date posted
- 4y
I get what you’re saying but also this is a safe space for OCD sufferers, everyone is in a different stage of recovery and processing their themes, she might come here to express her fears and intrusive thoughts because she doesn’t have any other outlet or anyone else to go to.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
I think it would be more helpful to help explain why reassurance doesn’t work or to kindly respond saying you won’t provide reassurance but wish them strength in sitting with the uncertainty. We’re all at different places with ocd. And we all have to come to the decision to stop performing compulsions in our own time. I know it’s hard to watch because we hate seeing others suffer needlessly. But generally what helps people get there is support and gentle refusal to enable compulsions, not annoyance and frustration. You have every right to be annoyed! But perhaps you can air that annoyance somewhere else where it won’t make someone suffering feel defensive, which could make them less likely to open up about their ocd struggles and get the help they need.
lucy.wilefirrlucy.wilefirr
- Date posted
- 4y
Wait shit he actually doesn’t look older in the thumbnail . Like I delayed ruminating , but he definetly looks fourteen and like a kid . How did I not notice that . Like I’m no longer attracted to hi m in the slightest . But wtf was that , could it have just been groinals and aesthetic attraction . His name is Mathew burdette and it’s this 14 year old who killed himself . Cuz he’s a pretty kid , but like idk if he looked 16 or 14. He does lol very 14, false attraction? Idfk. I once looked at child princess Margaret and wasn’t sexually attracted , but the thought in my head was “she’s hot “ even though I really just thought she’s a pretty kid and didn’t like her sexually . I feel like a goddamned pedo
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
This rumination and mental reviewing isn’t doing anything. You’re going in circles and it’s keeping you trapped. Break the cycle. Stop trying to sort out exactly what happened and why. The story will keep changing. The “what if’s” will keep coming. There is no end to this without deciding to stop. Make the right decision. Accept uncertainty, feel uncomfortable, get back to your life.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 16w
My Story TW: grooming, pedohilia
Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"
Anonymousssssss
- Date posted
- 11w
Can someone please offer words of advice :(
Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared
Idontknow
- Date posted
- 11w
Help please
How is this OCD? Who with Pocd thinks about a naked child ???? I was over here thinking if I’m actually attracted to kids because I find some of them good looking you know and my little cousin I have thoughts about her too and I was thinking about her naked but I wasn’t aroused or nothing so that’s where I’m confused It was intentional so does that make me a p*do?
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