really struggling here. i actually accepted the uncertainty for once about experimenting and now that doesn’t even bother me anymore i’m just letting myself be open to whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️ i was also trying to be so perfect with my sexuality and stuff and it really took a toll on me and i kind of let myself go and just said hey i’m not 100% straight but i would like to identify that way and i was fine!!!! but the main things i’m struggling with right now are: 1. because i accepted myself as 100% not straight i feel like i need to label myself as bi 2. i’m struggling with a false attraction 3. i think i’m in denial i feel like a lot of people are going to come at me and say i’m bi because i’m more open and not so “OCD” about being 100% straight anymore and that im open to the idea of experimenting even though i have no idea if i would even like that because i genuinely don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.

Re: HOCD/bisexuality So I'm sure a lot of us here are familiar with the old "no one is 100% straight or gay," "sexuality is a spectrum," etc. etc. etc. Obviously those things don't offer sticking reassurance to those of us with a feelings of intense doubt, urgency & guilt telling us we are liars, need to immediately live in accordance with our true selves, and so on. I'm just curious whether anyone here is actually somewhat comfortable with the idea of bisexuality, like I am sometimes. What mostly triggers me are thoughts that I would like being with the same sex MORE, that I'm MOSTLY gay, that I shouldn't have a boyfriend because it's dishonest to who I am and going to lead to pain and wasted time, that I SHOULD go have sex with a woman because otherwise how will I ever know who I really am? It's basically a desire to have a complete understanding of my orientation and live in a way that perfectly represents that. But obviously this doesn't completely make sense because human behavior is complex and people don't solely get involved with one another to test their sexual responses, lol. They do it because they just follow their motivation and if they make a mistake, they deal with it and redirect. Honestly not sure if this post is just me having a compulsion to vent (I've compulsively journaled in the past, sometimes going until I end on some note of reassurance). But I'm hitting send ?‍♀️

I don’t want to offend or trigger anyone! I just feel like I need talk about this. if anyone relates to this let me know!! At this point I don’t have a lot of anxiety about my sexuality anymore and it’s kinda scaring me. i really doubt i am a lesbian because i absolutely love my boyfriend, and i don’t find any relativity in the label lesbian. like it’s hard to explain, but i just get a feeling around each label. i feel like i am straight, but like some kind of fluidity. but i feel like bisexuality is so open and fluid that i like could possibly be? i have no idea. i also don’t know if my OCD is making it so i believe that i’m bisexual even though i’ve never questioned it before?? I don’t think i would mind being bisexual, but it’s still a little weird to me. but even then i could not see myself dating women lol. i love men. so maybe i’m bisexual but with a big preference to men? I really find comfort in the fact and idea that i love men and are drawn to men. i am however VERY uncomfortable with the idea of being with a woman. i mean even if my friends who are girls try to hold my hands i get uncomfy and grossed out lol. I DON’T KNOWWWW