- Username
- holley
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel you, I have been going through the same thing and right now I am struggling again with this uncertainty even though I can handle it better than last time thanks to all the knowledge and practice I have accumulated about ocd, ERP and mindfulness. It's like, hey I already accepted that I might be bi or curious, why do I still feel scared when I already felt ok with it?! I guess for us it is best to stop trying settling into a label and try to accept and even embrace the ambiguity,uncertainty and messiness of sexuality. It is such a complex and subjective thing, we will never find the certainty that OCD bullies us to get. It just doesn't exist, that is why the questions and doubt never stops. I am doing best and feel almost cured when I manage to just leave my sexuality unlabeled and stop analysing it. So what if it is not a 100% figured out? We don't have to be sure about this even though OCD tells us otherwise. But I know it's hard. I am facing a huge change in my life right now and this makes it harder to accept the uncertainty and resist seeking reassurance. But we will get through this💖
thank you for being compassionate i was scared someone was going to come at me and tell me “because you’d experiment you’re bi” or oh “that sound pretty bi to me” i just confessed i’m bisexual to my boyfriend and didn’t feel relieved one bit the doubts are still there and it’s just terrible.
@holley Your welcome, I think I know exactly how you feel. Keep in mind that confessing is also a compulsion, especially when you do it to get relief. Of course you should be open to your bf but don't think you have to confess all the time what you are experiencing. I did the same. It will get easier. Try to tell yourself that you don't have to figure this out now or ever. Fear is not a good advisor. What also helped me was to learn that anxiety is a feeling we can have and tolerate, we don't have to do anything to get rid of it even if OCD tells us we have to through reassurance, confessing, figuring things out. But we don't. We can let it be there until it gets bored and leaves on its own. And it will!
@Shoeshifter A+ advice, Shoeshifter! 💯
@Madison Thank you 💖
Keep accepting the uncertainty and let go of trying to figure it out. Easier said than done, I know, but it REALLY helps. I just am like “ok, I’m just not gonna figure it out” and let go of the concern. It feels uncomfortable but eventually it passes out of my awareness when I’m not ruminating about it. And if it pops back in that’s ok, I’ll refrain from solving it again.
This is exactly how i feel right now! I was really thinking if i really did have ocd because i kind of got over the thought for just 2 months and i was beating myself up that i dont have ocd and im really just in denial. even if i was ok with experimenting and finding myself, i stilll wasn't comfortable with the idea of being bi but i always fear that I'm just lying to myself because my ocd convinces me that I've always been bi. the thought don't give me anxiety anymore, but the fact that i need to find a label for what i feel makes me so confused
I’ve honestly given up at this point. I mean, there’s just no way around this. I went to therapy. I’ve been on medication for 8 months. Yet, this topic is still the core of my thoughts every. single. day. It seems like I’m fighting something that’s true about myself. And, maybe acceptance will be the first major step to feeling better. Idk. I feel like maybe I’ve been bi my whole life, but was just focused on guys and now it’s developed into both if that makes sense. Like maybe it was always in me, but I didn’t realize until now. So many bi people talk about this. They talk about feeling ashamed (me too) and always liking one sex before and then it changed. I know I have OCD, but, I’m not sure that this is a subset I have anymore. Everything is too real. I’ll miss the way I was before, but maybe I was never that girl before. It’s time to just accept I guess. No matter how heartbreaking it is.
Re: HOCD/bisexuality So I'm sure a lot of us here are familiar with the old "no one is 100% straight or gay," "sexuality is a spectrum," etc. etc. etc. Obviously those things don't offer sticking reassurance to those of us with a feelings of intense doubt, urgency & guilt telling us we are liars, need to immediately live in accordance with our true selves, and so on. I'm just curious whether anyone here is actually somewhat comfortable with the idea of bisexuality, like I am sometimes. What mostly triggers me are thoughts that I would like being with the same sex MORE, that I'm MOSTLY gay, that I shouldn't have a boyfriend because it's dishonest to who I am and going to lead to pain and wasted time, that I SHOULD go have sex with a woman because otherwise how will I ever know who I really am? It's basically a desire to have a complete understanding of my orientation and live in a way that perfectly represents that. But obviously this doesn't completely make sense because human behavior is complex and people don't solely get involved with one another to test their sexual responses, lol. They do it because they just follow their motivation and if they make a mistake, they deal with it and redirect. Honestly not sure if this post is just me having a compulsion to vent (I've compulsively journaled in the past, sometimes going until I end on some note of reassurance). But I'm hitting send ?♀️
I don’t want to offend or trigger anyone! I just feel like I need talk about this. if anyone relates to this let me know!! At this point I don’t have a lot of anxiety about my sexuality anymore and it’s kinda scaring me. i really doubt i am a lesbian because i absolutely love my boyfriend, and i don’t find any relativity in the label lesbian. like it’s hard to explain, but i just get a feeling around each label. i feel like i am straight, but like some kind of fluidity. but i feel like bisexuality is so open and fluid that i like could possibly be? i have no idea. i also don’t know if my OCD is making it so i believe that i’m bisexual even though i’ve never questioned it before?? I don’t think i would mind being bisexual, but it’s still a little weird to me. but even then i could not see myself dating women lol. i love men. so maybe i’m bisexual but with a big preference to men? I really find comfort in the fact and idea that i love men and are drawn to men. i am however VERY uncomfortable with the idea of being with a woman. i mean even if my friends who are girls try to hold my hands i get uncomfy and grossed out lol. I DON’T KNOWWWW
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