the worst thought i get is “i can see why people are attracted to men” when i see a picture of an attractive man. to me that just sounds like i’m a closeted person who doesn’t know herself . like that’s exactly what i would say to myself before i realized my attraction to women. does anyone relate to thinking something similar like i can see why people are attracted to a certain gender? also i love u all but if ur straight please don’t comment on this asking me to tell u if ur gay. i can’t do that. i often don’t post on here using male specific terms because i’m afraid of that happening.

Ok I have a question for y’all. After you have a good moment with a guy, like when you think about him and want to be with him and it feels good, does anyone get the intrusive thought “what if I’m romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women?” Because that just came up for me and it is not fun and very worrying. Because I have been aroused by lesbian porn (I did this before my HOCD intrusive thoughts started) and now I’m worried because I was aroused by that I can only be sexually attracted to women ?

I literally have no reason to think this! I’ve never been attracted or had a crush on a girl! I don’t know why I keep worrying. All of the sudden I feel like my feelings for all my past crushes weren’t real. This sucks. I don’t know anything about myself anymore. It keeps trying to push this idea on my head. Like there is no reason for me to think that i am gay! The most possible “reason” would be finding women attractive, that’s it! But now I try to imagine my life partner and when I think of a guy a picture of a women quickly comes up. Sometimes I just wanna scream “I am gay” for no reason. Or when someone is talking about relationships I always think “I am different”. Or when someone talks about acceptance it really bothers me too. This is so bad, what am I even basing this idea on? Now, I it’s hard imagining a guy that I like, it’s weird. I feel like I am never going to like anyone again. Ugh this is draining me

Does anyone else feel like when they say their identity out loud it is a lie? Like I am a straight woman and have been straight my whole life and have been in two relationships—both with men who I was happily in love with. I can draw my intrusive thoughts back to childhood, but it was always a very brief experience where I would be like “oh I finally have nothing to worry about” and then my brain would be like “wait nevermind you have to worry about the fact that you are gay and in denial.” But every time, these thoughts would go away and I would never have them when I was actually in my relationships or talking to someone. These fears are now back and more real than ever, making me feel like I am actually physically attracted to women and losing my natural biological attitude to men. I do not want to be gay at all and the thought of being that has been making me physically I’ll because it is just now who I am and want to be. I think what makes this all worse is that it’s been awhile since I’ve been in a relationship, so having these thoughts and feelings feels like reality because I have no recent experience with being in a relationship with a man and because of that, my self esteem is extremely low. I now feel triggered by every little thing in life, from hearing the word “gay”/“lesbian”/“lgbt”/“coming out”, to seeing any women of literally any age or appearance out in public, thinking I must be attracted to them. I keep checking my attraction to both males and females and am fearful because I feel like I am losing my attraction to men, which is something that never happened when these thoughts appeared in my life before this most recent flare up. I don’t know if any other people who identify as straight have similar experiences to this, but I cannot help but feel like I am the exception because I did have these thoughts before now (even though they went away for years). I would appreciate any help/insight because the longer I struggle with these thoughts, the farther and farther I feel my old, true self drifting away. I was always able to hang onto the fact that I want a future with a man and want a husband and kids, but now it’s like even that is gone and even though I never want to be with a woman, it’s like these thoughts have convinced me that I will never be with a man. Please help.