- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m currently suffering badly with this theme.. along with paranoia fears, and maybe any other mental illness that’s more ‘severe’. Wondering if conversations in my head mean I’m having people talk to each other in my head, wondering about my inner voice, wondering if the antibiotics I’m taking are triggering paranoia... i don’t know what to do anymore. It seems obsessive rather than schizophrenic but I still have so much fear!!
- Date posted
- 5y
I still think about it occasionally, and sometimes I freak myself out, but I typically come to this conclusion; it is, what it is. I had similar thoughts, I also became very apparent of my surroundings, what I was seeing, what I was hearing, and what I was thinking. I was trying to find specific things to justify my fears. I mean shit I still am bothered by it. But at the end of the day, just accepting that you don’t know if or when it can happen has just giving me a weird zen. Don’t get me wrong I still think and worry about it, but like anything related to OCD, everything we think of is closely observed and very much criticized. I started with Harm OCD (still do), POCD, and now Schitzo (Health) OCD. OCD is a Pain in the butt. You got this!
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m dealing with almost all of these now. I can’t stop checking to see if the things I see out of the corner of my eye are actually there. I can’t stop doing it because it happens to instantaneously!! How do I stopp?
- Date posted
- 5y
Do you get the thoughts of the different kind of symptoms and start worrying about if you have schizophrenia?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jerry Yep I do. Working on my imaginal exposures now for it
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- 5y
@Ellie0630 Likewise, it’s a pain in the butt. But I wish us both luck!
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- 6y
Honestly, people like your family member is why it’s so hard to talk about mental illness. :( hang in there - a good way to get over your compulsions is to slowly limit them over time. Eventually it will get easier at least.
- Date posted
- 5y
I know this is an old post, but do you still deal with these symptoms? Thank you also for sharing... your post seriously helped me tonight.
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- 5y
How are you guys? I’m going through this
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- 5y
Hey, still occasionally dealing with it, but I keep telling myself, it is what it is. That attitude has helped me work through it and well it’s a good exposure at the same time. It allows the uncertainty.
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- 5y
Hi this is my current fear .. everything u described I do! I just can’t get over it .. to the point I tell myself what I really do have this what if I really do hear voices.. I’m just really trying soooo hard
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- 5y
It’s a pain in the butt, mainly because just like OCD it’s completely involuntary, unless street drugs play a roll.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jerry Nope never did any drugs I’ve always had health anxiety always think something is wrong w me.. now I’m currently facing this fear fear of schizo it’s been 2months.. I’ve a seen a psychiatrist and doing therapy man it sucks.. I tried to erp and I was good for a minute for idk it’s just hard .. makes me feel like what I do schizophrenia and not ocd because I’m constantly obsessing over it why am I so infatuated on it
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- 5y
@ bp224 I agree, I do that too sometimes. Between that and HarmOCD are my reoccurring themes. Keep working towards the ERP and with a OCD therapist. It helps the longer you continue with it!
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- 5y
@Jerry When you were scared of it did u feel live u developed symptoms of it
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- 5y
@ bp224 More so scare of developing symptoms, so much that I would be over observant
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- 5y
@Jerry Same
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- 5y
@Jerry Did meds help u
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- 5y
@ bp224 I mean meds help with the aniexty but nothing else really. Meds in my experience doesn’t stop the ocd thoughts
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- 5y
@Jerry I just want too stop obsessing over it so much .. I tried erp watching videos and it caused so much anxiety.. like today I seen someone on top of a building maybe working ? But Usually I’ll pull my find out to insure it was really real and because I didn’t this time all I can think about is was that a hallucination or really real .. it’s killing me that’s all I can think about ?
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- 5y
@ bp224 That’s how obsessed I am I will chase the sounds
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- 5y
@ bp224 I suggest you continue with ERP.. that’s the best way to help with the intrusive thoughts. I don’t want to reassure you either, because that won’t help. It just gives temporary comfort. Are you talking with a therapist?
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- 5y
@Jerry Yes .. also just joined a ocd support group ..
- Date posted
- 5y
@ bp224 Good! That’s great then! It gets better! It’s hard but it’s gets better!
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jerry As someone who’s going through this right now I can say it gets better too. I took meds had a bad reaction so I quit. You can go through erp. But the biggest biggest thing here is cutting out compulsions. Live with uncertainty. Do things you would do if you didn’t have ocd. It gets better. I’m typing this as I’m alone in my room. I couldn’t be alone a month ago. I couldn’t shower without my gf over fear I would somehow hallucinate if someone wasn’t with me. Ridiculous I know but nothing about ocd isn’t ridiculous. Start by stopping your research and reassurance. Accept the weird things/thoughts and try you best to live what you think a normal life is. I was at a point where I was questioning if some guy that walked by me was a hallucination. Everything I heard must’ve been a hallucination too. But it wasn’t. It hasn’t been yet and I can’t control if it ever will be. I’m still recovering so it’s hard to remind myself of all of these things but it’s part of recovery. Meds can help take the edge of anxiety off but it will always be up to you to put In the work to be able to handle intrusive thoughts. It’s entirely possible.
- Date posted
- 5y
@lulu23 You can see I posted on this very thread 53 days ago because I was severely obssessed with this theme. It’s was one of many but top 2 in terms of fear.
- Date posted
- 5y
@lulu23 Wow you described me so well! I’m so scared I haven’t been home I’ve been sleeping at my moms literally with her because of strong of a fear this is.. today I seen something on top of a building and I didn’t take a picture of it and it’s killing me inside as all I can think of is rather or not it was a hallucination it’s really eating me alive that I can’t go back in time . I even had thought about driving back pass the building
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- 5y
@lulu23 That was awesome! Thanks for telling me that. I seriously appreciate it! I agree, the hardest thing to stop is the comoulsion/reassuring seeking
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- 5y
@ bp224 Ocd wants you to drive back and check. Anything ocd wants you to do don’t do it. Stay strong guys we can get through this shit stronger than we were before it happened.
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- 5y
@lulu23 Last comment, repeating what I’ve said here already. I can’t stress this enough!!! Resist compulsions. Stop checking stop asking you loved ones if they heard that noise too. Coming from someone who feared every noise and every person it gets better if you stop compulsions. Compulsions aren’t always physical either.
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- 5y
@lulu23 Yeah it’s really killing me that I couldn’t reassure myself and now I’m stuck with the if ..
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- 5y
@lulu23 Yeah I’m trying so hard I realize it’s making this a lot harder
- Date posted
- 6y
You are amazing and so brave! Sending lots of love
- Date posted
- 6y
that was a huge theme for me in high school. i was horrified to be a “violent” or “crazy” person. i remember i wouldn’t listen to a cd that a friend gave me, because a friend of hers had listened to it, and that person was mentally ill. if i listened to the cd i was sure that their schizophrenia would seep into me and i my life would be ruined. it’s little things like that. everything you describe is ocd, and non of it is schizophrenia. people without mental illness experience hallucinations of all varieties, the brain can be tricked! if something like that happens, it’s not proof that you are “crazy” that’s for sure. i’m sorry about your family though. i think that when you make a joke and they comment negatively, that you tell them what you’ve said here. that joking helps you take yourself less seriously, and makes you feel better. it can be a useful tool!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes. Do not worry, because if you really had schizophrenia, you wouldn't have been able to write such a post.
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- 4y
god i feel this so much :( i know it’s been a while but how’re you doing? i struggle with this more than anything, and it’s extremely difficult. i even physically feel it sometimes it’s so strange.
- Date posted
- 2y
This.
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- Therapist
- Date posted
- 25w
I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!
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- 22w
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
- Date posted
- 22w
These are some of my experiences with some theatrical flare to better depict how it feels. I decided to share this because when I saw this community I suddenly felt less alone in more human. Lovecraftian door Lurker: I don’t know the subtypes so I’ll just be talking about my relationship with OCD. OCD! that lonely woman in the ocean singing your praise's, sure she’ll love you forever! Of course she isn’t a siren planning on dragging you to the depths and tearing you to shreds. OCD! that haunting whisper in the wind calling you to fly! fly! OCD! that Lovecraftian abomination chanting at you from behind a locked door. Banging demanding you bow to it’s will. For me it latches on to my trauma and PTSD circling them like some demented teacup ride. A daily occurance for me is recalling the day I died when I was like 6 i remeber each detail of the day the kids i met the activtes we particapated in, the heat. The height of the slide before i plummeted to my death. This day consumes my life. “Thud thud!” I ask my parents about it often they tell me it never happened i tell them they weren’t there. Each time they lie and say I’ve never told them. My boyfriend whom I’ve been with for three years hears the story offten and often deals with me asking him if he’s seen me ask my parents. “Thud Thud” Each time he says yes and I asked how they responded “like you’ve never told them.” I constantly become afraid that my boyfreind will drown because he can’t swim. “Thud! Thud!” and because he can’t swim that the car will go off the road into some body of water and he will die. ”Thud! Thud!” I feel the water filling my lungs turning them into fire, the fear of reaching out my hands with no aid. “THUD! THUD! And he will die alone too and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! THUD THUD!” I scream that same fire fueling my rage my tears running down my face like gasoline igniting the thought spiral further burning deeper into my self hatred. I scream again banging my hands on my head. Wish and hoping it will shut up the thoughts.“why? Why?! WHY!” Sobbing until I’m nothing but a puddle. . . Ya know a few months ago I was depressed the thoughts became too much, so I wanted to get high. I thought it would make them stop “Thud! Thud!” So I took a gummy it was unpackage, from a friend of a friend so now the word dog, in reference to a person is a permit part of my vocabulary. And I have memories from being in a comma because it turned out to be DMT and my 6 hour trip end up feeling like 6 months of HELL. The ocd thoughts that i usually see, in a flash became so real that i just cried for hour terrified i was stabbing my eyes out dead and this was my purgatory for leaving the church. ”Thud! THUD!” I stopped using my favorite water bottle after that. Before the incident The bottle up against the wall with the straw to the side of the wall because the thought that would repeat in my head would be that because of my clumsiness I would trip and fall onto the straw and it would stab my eye out and kill me. I had this thought often I kept look up what to do if you accidently get something stab/stuck in your eye. “Thud! Thud!”
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